Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, March 20

Thank you, DD!!!

(`v)
Ophelia


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Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 An accident really uncanny, Befell an unfortunate granny. She sat down in a chair While her false teeth were there, And bit herself right in the fanny! ____________________________________________________ 2 Little Johnny had a first date lined up with a woman he had been after for quite a while. When she finally consented to go out with him, he wanted to plan the most romantic evening he could. He picked her up at her apartment, and then drove out to the beach. Little Johnny had prepared very carefully for this date and brought out a blanket for them to sit upon the sand and a bottle of the finest wine. The moonlight was shining down on them and Little Johnny poured his date some wine. He handed her the glass, looked lovingly in to her eyes and said, "Now this is what I call romantic. The waves crashing on the shore, the moonlight in your eyes, a warm tropical breeze, a bottle of wine.....," he takes a sip of wine and says, "Oh and by the way...do you Spit or swallow? ____________________________________________________ 3 Did you hear about Trish? She ...Lost her boyfriend because she forgot where she laid him. ...Thought that asphalt was rectum trouble. ...Was called tapioca because she could be made in a minute. ...Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period. ...Thought that "no kidding" meant some form of birth control. ...Thought that peter pan was something for under the bed. ...Thought that "Moby Dick" was a veneral disease. ...Thought that a sanitary belt was a drink from clean shot glass. ...Smelled good only on the right side because she couldn't find the left guard. ...Wore union pants because her best friend was having labor pains. ...Studied 5 days for a urine test. ...Thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas. ...Thought fetus was a character from "Gunsmoke". ...Thought a mushroom was a place to kiss. ...Was in the Indy 500 and had 7 pit stops, 1 for gas and 6 for directions. ...Put 75 holes in her face?...she was learning to eat with a fork. ____________________________________________________ 4 My ex- girlfriend has a picture of a sea shell tattooed on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean. ____________________________________________________ 5 An Irish cop stopped a speeding car. The driver was a priest. Putting away his citation book, the cop said, "Father, I just stopped you to tell you there's a Protestant cop up the road a ways." ___________________________________________________ 6 Doctor: "Madame, I'd like to give you a thorough examination. Please take off all your clothes." Patient: "But doctor, I only stopped by for the blood test results. Dr. Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday." Doctor: "So he told me... so he told me." ___________________________________________________ 7 >From DW My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for ?" I told him, "Nope! I do this for free." ___________________________________________________ 8 Bill saved for years and years for his dream vacation - a weekend in Nevada, where prostitution was legal. However, since he worked for barely minimum wage, the years stretched into decades and he was ninety-one when he got off the bus in Reno in front of a glitzy bordello. Buffalo tottered up to the front desk. "Isn't this Reno's famous Pleasure Palace?" he asked. "Why, yes," replied the incredulous receptionist. "How may I help you?" "Don't you have the most beautiful girls in town lined up and waiting?" Bill quavered. The receptionist nodded. "Well, I'm here to get some." "How old are you, Pops?" she asked bluntly. "I'm ninety-one." "Ninety-one! Pops, you've had it." "Oh, really?" A disconcerted look passed over the old man's face as his trembling fingers reached for his wallet. "What do I owe you?" ====================================================
Ophelia Dingbatter
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Ophelia Dingbatter
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