Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, June 18.
Enjoy
Ophelia
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A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find
'something exciting' and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they'd found, the first
little boy the teacher called on, walked up to the front
of the class...... and with a piece of chalk, made a small
white dot on the blackboard and then sat back down.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.
"It's a period," he replied.
"I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so 'exciting'
about a period?"
"I really don't know," he said, "but yesterday my sister was
'missing' one. Then my mommy fainted; daddy had a heart
attack, the preacher across the street drove off a cliff,
and Willie, next door, ran off and joined the Navy.
A married couple is driving (55 mph) down the interstate.
The wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've
been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."
The husband says nothing but slowly accelerates to 60 mph.
She says, "I want the house."
The husband speeds up to 62 mph.
She says, "I want the kids too."
The husband just keeps driving faster and faster,
speeding to 65 mph.
She says, "I want the car, the checking account,
and all the credit cards too."
The husband slowly starts to veer towards a bridge,
as she says, "Is there anything you want?"
The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."
She asks, "Really? What's that?"
The husband replies, just before the right corner
of the car hits the wall, "I've got the airbag!"
One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane
when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.
"This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always
been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see
him in person."
Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to
the Pope himself. Still, the gentleman was too shy to
speak to the Pope.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle
out off his bag and began working on it.
"This is fantastic", thought the gentleman. "I'm really
good at crosswords. Perhaps if the Pope gets stuck, he'll
ask me for assistance."
Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the man and said,
"Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring
to a woman that ends in 'unt'?
The man was in shock. He could only think of one word
that fit the description and he was not about to say it
to the Pope.
The gentleman thought for a while longer, then it hit him.
Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, "I think you're
looking for the word 'aunt'."
"Of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"
Once upon a time there was a frog who lived in a lake all
by himself. He had been given special powers by a local witch.
One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first
glimpse of the world outside.
The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit and so
he called out to them and asked them to stop. Then he said
to them, "I am a magical frog and since you are the first
two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both
three wishes. You will each take turns using
them and you have to use them now.
The bear (being greedy) went first. "I would like for every
bear in this forest to be female except for me."
A magical sound and it was done.
Then the rabbit. "I would like a helmet."
This confused both the frog and the bear, but after a
magical sound there was a helmet.
It was the bear's turn again. "I would like for every bear
in the neighboring forest to be female."
A magical sound and it was done.
The rabbit went again. "I would like a motorcycle."
Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn't
just ask for a lot of money with which he could buy himself
a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle.
The bear took his last wish. "I would like for all the
bears in the world to be female except for me."
A magical sound and it was done.
The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle,
said "I wish the bear was gay." and took off.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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