NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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PRIVACY Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, December 8. I heard that they have a definite warming in Ohstrailia! G'd Dai, Maits! Send some your excess heat this way, please! Enjoy! Ophelia
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>From Tom W On the back of a harlot named Gail Was tattooed the price of her tail. And on her behind For the sake of the blind Was the same information in Braille
After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her night stand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured. "No, no, no!!!" she answers. "Well, who in the HELL is he, then?" he demands. "That's me before the surgery!
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby
Dear Webby's Humor Letter
Dad took his little boy to Walmart. Of course, as you walk in, the machines with prizes in them are irresistible. Dad gives in as he wants the boy to be occupied. The kid inserts 2 quarters. and gets the little clear balls w/ toys inside. The kid removes the toy, puts the little plastic covers in his back pockets and they continue on in to shop. Now they are standing in line waiting to check out. The boy is by now bored and fussy - becoming very irritable and dad's frustration is mounting. Finally, dad breaks - he picks the kid up and sits him firmly down on the counter...The boy immediately starts wailing and dad says "stop that!". The son replies between screams, "But dad, you busted my little balls!"
One day little Johnny's teacher was teaching the class about agriculture. To help with this, she was showing pictures of farm equipment. She puts up the first picture, "What is this a picture of class?" she asks. Little Suzy puts up her hand and Johnny sticks up his hand. Of course, the teacher just knows that Johnny has something dirty in mind and picks Suzy."What is this Suzy?". "Its a rake". "Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?" she asks and points at the next picture. Johnny's hand shoots up and, little Anne politely puts up her hand, and once again the teacher ignores little Johnny. "That's a pitchfork" says little Suzy. "Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?" The teacher asks once more. Dead silence, only one student has their hand up, and of course its little Johnny. Seeming as though no one else was volunteering, the teacher asked Johnny. "OK Johnny, what is this?". All of a sudden Johnny realizes he doesn't know the answer. "UH, UH, its a shovel, yeah, it's a shovel." "No Johnny, this isn't a shovel, this is a hoe". "What?!?! My sister's a hoe and she doesn't look nutin' like that!!"
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
Enjoy! Ophelia
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