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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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PRIVACY =====================================================Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday November 13 (¯`v´¯) Ophelia Renew / Upgrade
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Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, November 4 (¯`v´¯) Ophelia Renew / Upgrade
Please vote for me at the EzineFinder
Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked. "Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa." "You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested. "Sectional schmectional," she said shrugging. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!" ____________________________________________________ 2 Little David was the recipient of a holster and a pair of toy six shooters on his birthday. He went to show off his new toys, in full cowboy regalia. He went to the local ice cream stand, drew his pistols and exclaimed "I want a sundae, and I want it NOW!" The waitress asked him "What flavor?" Little David replied, as he waved his guns "I want a chocolate sundae, and I want it NOW!" The waitress asked, " Do you want whipped cream on it?" Little David said "I want whipped cream on it, and I want it NOW!" The waitress asked, " Do you want a cherry on it?" Little David said "I want a cherry on it, and I want it NOW!" The waitress asked, " Do you want your nuts crushed or chopped?" Little David replied, "Do you want your tits shot off?" ____________________________________________________ 3 Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. Man with one chopstick go hungry. Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk. Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth. War not determine who right, war determine who left. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it. Man who drive like hell bound to get there. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot. Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs. Man who farts in church sits in own pew. Man who lay woman on ground get piece on earth. ____________________________________________________ 4 These two poor kids go to a birthday party at a rich kid's house. The kid is so rich that he has his own swimming pool and all the kids go in. As they're changing afterwards, one of the poor kids says to the other one, "Did you notice how small the rich kids' penises were?" "Yeah," says his mate, "It's probably because they've got toys to play with." ____________________________________________________ 5 A lady called a music store about a recording, but dialed wrong and connected with an auto mechanic instead. She asked, "Do you have two lips and seven kisses?" He said, "No..But I have two balls and seven inches." She responded, "Is that a record?" He said, "No...But it's a damn good average" ___________________________________________________ 6 A lissome psychotic named Jane Once kissed every man on a train; Said she, "Please don't panic! I'm just nymphomanic. It wouldn't be fun if I wasn't insane." ___________________________________________________ 7 A drunk, who smelled of beer sat down, on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Tell me, Father, what causes arthritis?" The priest replied, "My Son, it is caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and a lack of personal hygiene." The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," and returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, put his hand gently on the man's arm and apologized. "I'm sorry. I should not have come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have arthritis, Father," the drunk replied. "I was just reading here that the Pope does. ___________________________________________________ 8 Jill goes to the doctor. After examining her thoroughly, the doctor is perplexed. "I'm not sure what it is," he said. "You either have a bad cold or you're pregnant." "Oh," says Jill, "I must be pregnant --I don't know anyone who could have given me a cold." ====================================================
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Enjoy! (¯`v´¯) Ophelia ===================
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