Ophelia Dingbatter's News|
NO Sermon here, and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, May 23
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"All pop music is about sex. Rock is about wanting to
do it, jazz is about doing it, and country and western
is about feeling guilty after you've done it."
--- Robert Waldo Brunelle, Jr.
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and we
decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way,
my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend.? She was a
dream! There was only one thing bothering me, quite much
indeed, and that was my mother-in-law to be.
She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and
sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, which made me feel
uncomfortable. One day she called me and asked me to come over
to check the wedding invitations. So I went.
She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me, that
soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for
me that she couldn't overcome. So before I got married and
committed my life to her daughter, she wanted to make love to
me just once. What could I say.?
I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. So, she said,
"I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come
and get me." I stood there for a moment, and then turned around
and went to the front door. I opened it, and stepped out of the
house. Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his
eyes, hugged me and said, "we are very happy and pleased, you
have passed our little test. We couldn't have asked for a better
man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in your car.
Sandra was trying on an EXTREMELY low cut dress.
As she studied herself in the mirror, she asked Cindy
if she thought it was too low cut.
Cindy: "Do you have hair on your chest?"
Sandra "No -- certainly NOT!!!"
Cindy "Then it's too low cut."
The husband had finally had enough of being Pussy-whipped. He burst
through the door after work and yelled, " Here's the deal Woman. I
want my dinner on the table in 15 minutes. Afterwards, we're going
upstairs where you'll satisfy me with some oral sex.
Then while I'm in the shower, you'll lay out some clean clothes for
me. Cause I'm going out on the town with the boys. And do you know who's
gonna tie my damn tie just the way I like it."
"Yes Dear," she replied. "The undertaker."
The company I work for offers tours through the historic district
of Annapolis, Maryland, led by guides dressed in Colonial
clothing. While leading a group, Felix, one of our guides,
tripped and fell, breaking his wrist.
He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency
room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at Felix in his
18th-century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?"
Anni was lying on her psychiatrist's couch, telling
him how frustrated she was.
"I tried to be an actress and failed," Anni complained. "I tried
to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and
failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that,
The shrink thought for a moment and said, "Everyone needs to
live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"
Anni thought about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful
breasts, points it at the shrink, and says, "Well go ahead,
I'll give it a try."
This lady that was wearing a tight skirt was waiting at the
bus stop to get onto the bus. A bus pulled up and the driver
opened the doors. she tried to step up onto the step but her
skirt was too tight. So she reached back to unzip and loosen
it a little. she tried to step up onto the steps again. But
it was still to tight. She reached back and unzipped some
more. Tried to step up again and the skirt was still to
tight. She tried one more time. She reached back and
unzipped some more. And she still couldn't get up onto the
So this man behind her reaches and grabs her by the butt. He
gives her a boost onto the bus. She turns around and slaps
him and saying "What do you think you are doing."
The man says "Well lady after you unzipped my pants for the
third time I thought we was aquainted."
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