Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

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Enjoy!
Ophelia

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, October 29

(`v)
Ophelia

Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't
matter.
Those, who click me some grocery
money, 
REALLY matter.
________________________________________________________

Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't
matter.
Those, who click me some grocery
money, 
REALLY matter.
________________________________________________________
1
A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class.
The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor,
hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks her if she knows what
her asshole does when she has an orgasm. "Sure." she says, "He's at
home taking care of the kids."

_______________________________________________________
2
Monika and Judi, colleagues at work, were having lunch in the
office cafeteria one Friday.

"So what are you doing this weekend?" Monika asked Judi.

"I have a ski weekend planned," Judi answered. "Two nights and
three days hitting the slopes. I've been saving up for it for
several months. I'm really looking forward to it."

"Sounds great," Monika replied. "You'll have to tell me how it
goes."

The following Monday, the two friends were once again having
lunch in the office cafeteria.

"So how'd your ski weekend go?" Monika asked Judi.

"It was great," Judi replied. "But...there was some good news and
some bad news."

"What was the good news?" Monika asked.

"The good news," Judi answered, "was that I shared the cabin with
these two drop-dead gorgeous men!"

"Wow! That must have been wonderful!" Monika replied. "So what's
the bad news?"

"The bad news," Judi explained, "was that they were engaged to
each other!"

______________________________________________________
3
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all 
perish.

They are in Heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter
asks the first girl, 'Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a
male organ?'

She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of
one with the tip of my finger.' 

St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip the tip of your 
finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question; 'Jennifer, have you
ever had any contact with a male organ?' 

The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well, once I fondled
and stroked one.' 

St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and
pass through the gate.'

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls..
One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she
reaches the front, St. Peter says, 'Reeva, What seems to be the
rush?'

The girl replies, 'If I'm going to have to gargle and swallow that
Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her fat ass in
it!'

____________________________________________________
4
Nancy kind of liked Bob, the bartender down at the shore and was
flirting with him for a couple of days. She ordered a drink and was
going to pay for it, and she said jokingly, "This money is all
wet,
is it still good?"

Bob said, "I don't know, would you be good if you were wet?"

____________________________________________________
5
Ruthy: "Oh Jill. This new guy I'm dating is sooooo romantic.
Every time he speaks to me, he starts with, 'Fair Lady'."

Jill: "Romantic my ass! Don't you know he used to be a bus driver."

_____________________________________________________
6
There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The
eldest brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor,
and the youngest got the bottom floor.

A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over
his girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard
the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.

The next morning, the younger brothers asked their brother what the
noise they'd heard last night was.

He replied, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room.
Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."

The middle brother was excited by that, so he brought over his
girlfriend the next night.

During that night, the two other brothers heard the following
sounds:
Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.

The eldest and youngest asked him what the noise in his room last
night was. He replied, "Click- turned off the light. Swish-ran
across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."

Now, the youngest brother was really excited. So he brought over
his girlfriend, and that night, the older brothers heard the
following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

In the morning, the older brothers asked him what the noise in his
room was.

So, he said, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the
room.
Fftt-farted, 
and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-landed on the bedpost!

_____________________________________________________
7
There once was a young girl named Charlotte
Who made extra cash as a harlot
She screwed a producer
Who tried to seduce her
And now she's a Hollywood Starlet!

_____________________________________________________
8
A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of
whiskey.
He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses.
The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks: "Can your dog
perform
other tricks?"

"But of course", the man answers, "he can even gratify a woman".

Anxious to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a
little room above the bar. She undresses and full of expectation
she lies down on the bed.

The dog looks at her and does nothing.
"It's always the same thing with you!" the man then shouts to the
dog, "I'll show you how to do it one last time."

____________________________________________







Enjoy! (`v) Ophelia ===================
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