Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  November 16

Thank You, Francis!!

Gullible Warming is over!
Gullible Cooling is here now. 
And it is all because of the vegetarians!


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Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow workers, one health conscious young woman from our office was especially motivated to get to the gym after work. Our boss, who had also enjoyed a large meal, suggested that she run an extra lap for him. As she was leaving the office, she called to the boss, "Get ready to start huffing and puffing, 'cause I'll be on your lap in half an hour!" ____________________________________________________ 2 >From Ida Every morning, I do a mad dash to drop off my son Tyler at day care so I can get to work on time. My impatience hit home one morning when he piped up from the back of the car, "Our car is really fast and everyone else's is slow because they're all idiots, right, Mom?" ___________________________________________________ 3 When it comes to wine I'm very particular about what I buy. There are two things I look for before making my selection. First, the word "Wine" must appear somewhere on the label. This is something I insist on. Second, I look for a sign nearby that says "On Sale." Follow these two rules and you won't go far wrong. ____________________________________________________ 4 >From Patricia Before my daughter went on her first date, I gave her "the talk." "Sometimes, it's easy to get carried away when you're with a boy," I said. "Remember, a short moment of indiscretion could ruin your life." "Don't worry," she said. "I don't plan on ruining my life until I get married." ____________________________________________________ 5 A customer called our service line demanding help with her TV, which wouldn't come on. "I'm sorry, but we can't send a technician out today due to the blizzard," I told her. Unsatisfied, she barked, "I need my TV fixed today! What else am I supposed to do while the power is out?!" ___________________________________________________ 6 The Top 10 Pickup Lines Used By Chefs..... 10. "Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock." 9. "I know we've just met, but will you marinade me?" 8. "Cumin here often?" 7. "How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled or fertilized?" 6. "Care to come back to my place and kick it up a notch?" 5. "Hey, weren't you in my 'Introduction to Melons' class?" 4. "We've now simmered for the recommended 25 minutes.....time to come to a full boil!" 3. "You're twice as sweet as a creme brulee.....and less drippy." 2. "Get the buttah." And the Number 1 Pickup Line used by Chefs... 1. "Uh, yeah.....I invented Spaghetti-O's" ___________________________________________________ 7 There was a young engineer named Miss Holt, Who had an assistant as spry as a Colt. When she asked for a screw, What did the young man do, But offer her two nuts and a bolt. ___________________________________________________ 8 There was a young fellow named Charteris Put his hand where his young lady's garter is. She said, "I don't mind, And up higher you'll find The place where my fucker and farter is." ====================================================
Ophelia Dingbatter
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