Ophelia Dingbatter's News|
NO Sermon here, and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
BLOG | Subscribe | |
Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
$1 per month or $10 per year.
Can you afford $1 per month?
1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber,
2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me,
3) That will get you the free subscption.
If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4.
If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.
Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you
successfully receive the free subscription!
If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you,
then the paid version will not make it through either.
Do NOT complain to me,
if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.
There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what
goes on at your ISP or in your computer.
4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter,
THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at
You can pay easily and securely with PayPal,
even if you don't have a PayPal account.
Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.
If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me.
Please send it to
Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0
Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia.
I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about
receiving your check.
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, December 4.
The blizzard stopped, but the roads are a total mess.
There were a dozen snow machines parked at the
gas station / corner store / liquor store, and one
pick-up truck, a DodgeRam 3500, jacked up for fun in
the mud, with tall off-road tires.
I left them behind. My felt lined gum-boots are
pretty good too in this deeply rutted stuff.
||If you like my work,|
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!
Three men died on Christmas Eve and weremet by Saint Peter
at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said,
"you must each possess something thatsymbolizes Christmas
to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a
He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a
set of keys. He shookthem and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his
pockets and finally pulledout a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked,
"And justwhat do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carol's."
This one is a repeat from about five years ago.
Still good for a laugh again:
I thought those of you in the medical profession should
be aware of these new drugs. You who are not, well, you
should know too.
These are the new wonder drugs that will soon be available:
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full
cups swallowed before an evening out increases
breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously
low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective
in improving grades, freeing up phone lines,
and reducing money spent on make-up.
Potent antibouotic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lines as,"You make me want
to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
Injectable stimulant taken prior to
shopping. Increases potency and duration of
Extra Strength Buy-one-all ...
When combined with Buyagra,can cause an
indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim
may even come home with a Donnie
Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
St. Mom's Wort ...
Plant extract that treats mom's depression
by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up
to six hours.
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used
on anyone too eager to share their life stories
with total strangers.
Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective
than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear,
I have a headache," syndrome.
When administered to a husband, provides the same
irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the
time and trouble of doing it herself.
Jack Asspirin ..
Relieves the headache caused by a man who
can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very
tired after a long day's trip he asks the clerk for a single
room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks
around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby.
He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the
lobby. After a Minute he comes back, with the girl on his
"Fancy meeting my wife here," he says to the clerk. "Guess
I'll need a double room for the night."
Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the
amount to be over $3000.
"What's the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk.
"I've only been here one night!"
"Yes," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here
for three weeks."
A woman went into a department store and told the clerk
that she wanted to return a toaster for refund because it
didn't work. The clerk told her that he couldn't give her
a refund because she bought it on special.
All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled,
"Grab my Breasts! Grab my breasts!"
The clerk didn't know what to do, so he called the store
manager who asked her if he can help.
She explained that she wanted to return the nonworking
toaster for refund, and he told her that he would not give
her a refund because she bought the toaster on special.
Once again she yelled, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!"
The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was
yelling that particular phrase.
She replied, "Because I like my breasts grabbed when I'm
Danny, the new stock boy wanted to volunteer, but by then
there was quite a line-up.
There were these two Slobovians driving along the highway looking
for a place to stop and picnic. The first Slobovian says,
"Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree."
The other says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of
They argued about it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in
the middle of the road.
All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to
swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them.
The one Slobovian says to the other,
"See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2013
You can un-subscribe from this list by clicking this link:
Subscribe and get my newsletter in your email every morning!