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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, May 25 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!Welcome Larry in Atco, NJ! DearWebby told me that Larry sent a Canadian looking Money Order. That must have been quite a challenge in NJ ! You don't really have to do that. Any check, personal or business, any money order, postal or bank, in any currency, is quite OK. He can cash them all. He told me that he even has a web hosting client in Israel, who sends US Dollar bills, that are so old, that the tellers at the bank make funny faces and call for help in checking them, but they cash them. Yeah, I know, the longer they fuss, the more he can smart-ass and flirt at them. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
A woman was walking along pushing her newborn baby in the carriage when an old friend approached her. The friend leaned over, peering into the carriage said, "What a beautiful baby boy, and he looks JUST like his father." "I know", replied the woman, "I just wish he looked more like my husband!"
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Grilled Bruschetta Loaf The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day or $10 per year? Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, May 31 That "Flame virus" sure is getting a lot of publicity all of a sudden. It has been around for five years, but now every anti-virus company uses it to get mentioned in the news. Don't worry about it. It is not a regular virus like the Flashback, that affected 600,000 Mac computers this spring. Flame is a data miner that harvests huge amounts of data, and is only directed at certain computers in Iran and that area. Whoever controls that miner is NOT interested in your collection of playboy centerfolds or whatever it is you fill up your hard drive with. So far it seems that "Flame" is controlled by Israel and the US, and has been manually put on a hundred or so computers in the mid East. That's all. Nothing to worry about. Your Playboy or Playgirl centerfolds are safe. A future version of "Flame" might be targeting child porn, and considering, that "Flame" has been out for five years, that future version could be close to ready. You or I don't have to worry about that, but it is interesting to note, that the tool was initially developed for trying to get data about Iran's nuclear efforts. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor suggested that the man could solve his problem by startling himself whenever he thought that he was going to ejaculate. So, the man went directly to a sporting goods store and bought a starter pistol. Then he went home to try the doctor's advice. When he got home, he found his wife waiting for him on their bed,... naked! So he ripped off his clothes and began making love to her. Eventually, they wound up in the "69" position and then the man felt an enormous urge to ejaculate, so he cranked off a few shots with his new starter pistol. They next day, he went back to the doctor and reported his results. He said, "It didn't work out for me, Doc! When I fired the pistol, my wife crapped on my face, bit my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Shepherd's Pie DORM Style The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day or $10 per year? Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Since July 1, 2011,
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If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online! |
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, May 30 Personally, I quite like dandylions. They really are pretty, if you bother to look at them closely. Some people sure get into a frenzy trying to eradicate them. And some others come around in the evening and gather the beautiful seed balls, to toss onto the lawns of the anti-dandylion fanatics and certain town councillors. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
The family all got together recently, and were just hanging around at Mom and Dad's. My sister was browsing through an almanac and laughed at a little piece of trivia she had found in the book, which she then read aloud; "Did you know that a woman's breasts increase in size by 25% during sex?" My brother-in-law, a notorious joker, shot back, "So, how come yours don't?" My father, from behind his newspaper and without even a pause, replied, "You're not pumping hard enough."
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Shepherd's Pie The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day or $10 per year? Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
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If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online! |
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, May 29 I wonder how many BBQs went into orbit yesterday. Actually, you don't read much about that any more. Did BBQs get better and safer, or did people learn to read the instructions? Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Jill was in bed with a man who was not her husband and the heat was up high. All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh my God, your husband is home. What am I going to do?" "Aw, just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he ain't gonna notice you here with me." The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Jill, so he trusted her advice. Sure enough, Jill's husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet. "Honey!" he yelled, "What the heck isch going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed." "Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again." The husband got out of bed, and counted, "One, two, three, four... By gosch, you're right dear," as he stumbled back into bed.
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna DORM Style Tuna Pattys The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day or $10 per year? Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
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If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online! |
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
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Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, May 28 In the US, today is Memorial Day not just BBQ day!Enjoy! Ophelia
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My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."
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This guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds for the suit. "I've got grounds, all right," sputtered the irate husband. "Can you believe my wife told me I'm a lousy lover?" "That's why you're suing?" pursued his lawyer. "Of course not. I'm suing because she knows the difference."
There was a hooker named Jodi who mistook a Salvation Army man for a soldier and propositioned him. The Salvation Army gent said, "Ma'am, you may be forgiven, as a pitiful victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you familiar with the concept of 'original sin'?" Jodi responded, "Well, maybe and maybe not. But if it's really original, I'll give you a $20 discount."
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
try the newsletter of my friend and coach, Dear Webby Dear Webby's Humor Letter |
Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors. One day, they heard, "yellow, blue, black." One of the nuns noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to the other two nuns, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible. The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke, "black, black, black." Hearing that, the three nuns were astonished! One of the nuns spoke up, "Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird." Saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should be wearing any underwear under their vestments. Respecting their agreement, the next day they wore no underwear, and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot's house. Initially, the parrot looked a bit puzzled, he swung back and forth on his perch. Then, after a while, the Parrot said, "Straight, Straight, Curly!"
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Tuna Pattys Ingredients 2 cans (6 1/2 ounces each) tuna in water - DO NOT DRAIN! 1 sleeve no salt tops saltines - crush them up finely 2 egg whites 1 Tablespoon soy sauce (optional) 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder 2 tablespoons each finely diced red, yellow and green pepper (optional)... Use 1 teaspoon onion powder instead) Directions Heat oven to 350 degrees F and lightly grease a baking sheet. Place crushed saltines in a bowl and add tuna with water, egg whites, soy sauce (optional) and garlic powder. Mix well. Add peppers and stir until well distributed. Form mixture into 8 evenly sized patties and place on greased baking sheet. Bake for 8 minutes and turn over. Bake for another 8 minutes. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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