|
Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
|||
 |
 |
Subscribe |  |
Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, October 10 DearWebby is nagging me about going for a daily walk, and telling me he wishes he had done that all his life. So I went for a walk. After a cold and dingy morning, it got quite nice in the afternoon. Most of the leaves have fallen and are covering the lawns. I mean totally covering them. Is anybody raking and bagging them? You got to be kidding! People comment about there being lots of leaves this year, and look to the mountains in the SouthWest. There will be a Chinook soon. No rush, there are still some leaves left on the trees. Once they are down, then we are ready for a good Chinook to haul the leaves a thousand miles eastward.They get ground up in the wind and turn into good organic fertilizer for the wheat fields in Saskatchewan and Manitoba. Enjoy! Ophelia
 |
Please, help me stay online!
|
Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
Grandma Levy, always a regular synagogue member had finally talked her cousin, a woman who had lived a riotous, free life, into joining the Temple. "Tell me Rabbi," the old lady asked, "Do you feel that my cousin will have her sins forgiven after all those years?" "Yes I do. I'm positive of it. You must remember that the greater the number of sins, the greater the glory." "Really Rabbi?" the old lady replied thoughtfully. "I sure do wish I'd known that fifty years ago."
Double Action
Dutch Duck A La Orange
2000 Calories
For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie, you have to subscribe to the full version.
|
Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
|
If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
|
ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online!
|
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
 Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
|
Large Font Version |
| Subscribe |
|
|
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011 |
63211
| permalink |
( 2.9 / 96 )|
Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
|||
|
|
Subscribe | |
Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, October 9 Good thing I only threatened to put the summer clothes away. It wasn't really hot or warm today, but considering that the lack of Gullible Warming has toughened me up quite nicely, I was able to go for a walk with short sleeves and my quilted vest. Enjoy! Ophelia
|
|
Please, help me stay online!
|
It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung out the wash to dry, put a roast in the oven, and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning. "Gootness, it's hotter dan 'ell today" she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street. She passed a tavern and thought, "Vy nodt?" So she walked in and took a seat at the bar. The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink. "Ya know," Helga said, "it is zo hot, I tink I'll have mysself a cold beer." "Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked. Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yu pecker?"
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied, "I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. "What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet."
|
Subscribe a friend to Ophelia Dingbatter's News! (They will receive a confirmation request) |
Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to urinate, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out." "Heck, that's nothing." said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a dump, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible." The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I whiz like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I have a dump like a pig." The eighty-year-old looked at the seventy-year-old, then looked back at the ninety-year-old incredulously and asked, "So what's your problem?" "I don't wake up till nine." he replied.
Click through for the big version
This farmer would go out on his tractor and while he was working the fields and bouncing around for awhile he would get horny but it was a long ways back on his tractor to the house where his wife was. So he came up with this plan. He told his wife he would take his rifle with him and next time he got horny, he would fire a shot and she could drive the pickup truck out to where he was. So that's what they did and it worked quite well. One day a neighbor was over having coffee. "I haven't seen your wife around for quite a while," he said. "Me neither" said the farmer, "Not since hunting season started!"
The golfer's wife was in full flight. "If you ever spent a Sunday with me instead of playing golf I swear I would drop dead," she screamed. "Are you trying to bribe me?" asked the husband.
|
For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
try the newsletter of my friend and coach, Dear Webby Dear Webby's Humor Letter |
Here is a seasonal classic: Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" she asks. "You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking lovestruck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power. Tell me his name" "I can't remember, exactly. Peter, Peter, something or other..."
1/24th Scale
Shortcut gone long
Nasa Satellite falls on a car
2000 Calories
|
ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online!
|
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News | |
|
Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
|
| permalink |
( 3.1 / 99 )|
Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
|||
|
|
Subscribe | |
Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, October 8 Sometimes it warms up for a bit, when I hide the summer stuff. Yeah, right. And if it doesn't soon, I will really put the summer stuff away. Enjoy! Ophelia
|
|
Please, help me stay online!
|
Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
Two ministers would meet each Sunday morning, riding their bicycles to their respective churches. Then one Sunday, one of the ministers was walking. "What happened to your bike?" asked the other. "Can you believe that someone in my congregation stole it?" "NO!" said his fellow minister, then an idea struck him. "You want to know how to get your bike back? Next Sunday, give a fire & brimstone sermon on the Ten Commandants and when you get to the part about 'Thou Shall Not Steal', just look out into the congregation and see who looks guilty." Well the next Sunday, the minister comes riding up on his bike. "Hey--I see my suggestion worked." "Well sort of. I was going along real good on the Ten Commandments and when I got to the part about Adultrey, I remembered where I left my bike!"
Galaxies Galore
Someone is going to be sorry!
Shuttle Discovery final roundup
For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie, you have to subscribe to the full version.
|
Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
|
If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
|
ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online!
|
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
|
Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
|
Large Font Version |
| Subscribe |
|
|
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011 |
61920
| permalink |
( 2.9 / 104 )|
Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
|||
|
|
Subscribe | |
Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, October 7 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!Well, even optimists like me have to admit, summer is over. Time to put the shorts away, or out of sight anyway. Sometimes it warms up for a bit, when I hide the summer stuff. Enjoy! Ophelia
|
|
Please, help me stay online!
|
Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
An elderly couple met for a romp in the broom closet at the nursing home. They undressed and were about to get started. The woman decided to warn the man of her heart condition. "I should tell you, I have acute angina. "she said. The man replied, "If you had told me that before, I would have worn my close-up glasses!"
Mini Scapes
That would work!
Laser show on a building in Berlin, Germany
For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie, you have to subscribe to the full version.
|
Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
|
If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
|
ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online!
|
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
|
Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
|
Large Font Version |
| Subscribe |
|
|
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011 |
61566
| permalink |
( 3 / 94 )|
Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
|||
|
|
Subscribe | |
Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, October 6 Welcome Warren in Zionsville! "My girlfriend always laughs during sex, no matter what she is reading." --- Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computers who died yesterday Enjoy! Ophelia
|
|
Please, help me stay online!
|
Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
A mother gets up during the night to do as nature intended, when she hears some strange noise from the living room. Going to investigate, she snaps on the light. She is utterly surprised to find her daughter stark naked on the couch, with a young man the mother didn't know atop of her. "Well -- I never!" exclaimed the mother. "But mom, you must have!" smirked the daughter.
Coital Half-Shells
Click through fopr the big picture
Funny talking animals
For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie, you have to subscribe to the full version.
|
Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
|
If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
|
ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online!
|
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
|
Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
|
Large Font Version |
| Subscribe |
|
|
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011 |
61262
| permalink |
( 3.1 / 105 )Back Next
Avatar
