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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, October 2 My plans to go take some pictures of the pretty fall leaves got rained out. If it clears up in the afternoon, I'll get some for you. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
Judi was talking to Carly. "I suspect Gordon used to visit hookers before we met." "Why do you say that?" "One night we were just playing around downstairs. He picked me up and headed for the bedroom." Carly nodded. "Uh huh. So what happened?" "Well, I giggled and said, 'Should I struggle?' And he replied, 'I don't know. Does that cost extra?'"
Idle Fingers, Addled Brains
Lutheran Airlines
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, October 1 Here is an interesting video: Today's launch of China's Space Lab Turn the sound down and ignore the 20 second ad before the Video. It is the launch of the Chinese Space Lab yesterday. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Re yesterday's Boy Scout Jamboree picture: "When does a Boy Scout become an Eagle Scout?" "After he eats his first Brownie." I heard that from a Brownie! Next she asked: "Where does satisfaction come from?" "A satisfactory."
Mrs. Trent, seated in her living room, heard the back door slam. Thinking it was her young son, she called, "I'm in here, darling. I've been waiting for you." There was no answer for a moment and then a strange voice faltered, "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I ain't your regular milkman."
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From Nancy Men are like ............Laxatives ... They irritate the shit out of you. Men are like ........ Bananas .. The older they get, the less firm they are. Men are like .... Vacations .. They never seem to be long enough. Men are like ........ Weather .. Nothing can be done to change them. Men are like ........ Blenders .. You need One, but you're not quite sure why. Men are like .... Chocolate Bars ...... Sweet, smooth, &they usually head right for your hips. Men are like .... Coffee .. The best ones are rich, warm, &can keep you up all night long. Men are like ........ Commercials .. You can't believe a word they say. Men are like ........ Department Stores ...... Their clothes are always 1/2 off. Men are like ........ Government Bonds ...... They take soooooooo long to mature. Men are like ........ Mascara .. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like .... Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. Men are like ..... Snowstorms ...... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ...... Fun to look at, but not very bright. Men are like ........ Parking Spots ........ All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Click through for the big version
The cowboy walked into the tack shop. "How much for a pair of spurs?" he asked the sales clerk. "Forty dollars." The cowboy looked in his wallet, thought for a moment, then pulled out a twenty. "I'll take one spur." "What'll you do with just one?" the clerk asked. The cowboy replied, "I figger if I can get one side of the horse movin', the other side'll go too."
During a jury selection process, the first lawyer began his questioning as an intimidating showman. He looked over the prospective jurors and asked, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" Before the pause became too long, the judge said, "I do."
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
try the newsletter of my friend and coach, Dear Webby Dear Webby's Humor Letter |
"I think we should go Dutch," the nurse said to the doctor in the dimly lit restaurant. "You pay for dinner and the movie, and the rest of the night can be on me."
Hand Art
Northern Lights in Finland
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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, September 30 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!My MasterCard is under the North-East leg of my fridge, because a year ago I got sick and tired of their letters telling me that at my present rate of paying, it will be paid off in 67 years. I am making payments on it, but I am definitely not using it. Now and then some sleazy crooks, like Fredericks, with whom I have never in my life dealt with, try to charge me for stuff, that I didn't order and that they didn't ship. So I call MasterCard and tell them it's a fraudulent charge and that I won't pay for it. Eventually they take the fraudulent charges off my bill, sometimes even without having to nag them. In the meantime, though, they charge me 28+% interest on them, same as on the rest, that I owe them. And then, while they are proccrastinating about removing the fraudulent charges, they have the nerve of having some jerk whine at me about being behind with my payments. Did I ever tell you, that I have a side, that is not sweet and diplomatic? Enjoy! Ophelia
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Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
A mother takes her 5 year old kid to the sporting goods store and says to the man working there, "I want to buy a baseball mitt for my son. How much does it cost?" The clerk says, "$50." "That's way to much. How much for that bat?" "$5," says the clerk. "I'll take it," the mother replies. As he's wrapping it up he says, "How about a ball for the bat?" "No thanks," says the mother, "But I'll go down on you for the mitt."
Sonic Booms
Canadian Clay And Glass Gallery
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If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, September 29 I do need more subscribers! I even promise to keep my personal comments short. Well, keeping my comments short did not help one bit. So far. Do I have to get mouthy again? What does it take for you to forward my newsletter to friends, who are literate enough to subscribe? Enjoy! Ophelia
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Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
A congregation honours a pastor twenty-five years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses paid. When he walks into his room, there's a nude girl lying on the bed. He picks up the phone, calls his church, and says, "Where is your respect? As your pastor, I am very, very angry with you." The girl gets up and start to get dressed. He says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry at you."
Steel Drums
Two Broom Jose
For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie, you have to subscribe to the full version.
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Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
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If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, September 28 I do need more subscribers! I even promise to keep my personal comments short. Well, keeping my comments short did not help one bit. So far. Do I have to get mouthy again? Enjoy! Ophelia
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Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. Baby stork is crying and crying, and father stork is trying to calm him, "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, son is crying, and mother is saying, "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork parents are desperate. Their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns, and the parents ask him where he's been all night. Says the baby stork, "Nowhere in particular. Just scaring the hell out of college students!"
Skamania
Beer Goggles For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.
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Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
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If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
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