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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, October 31 Happy Halloween! I went to Walmart today to get some spinach. Theirs is the lowest priced in town, and I was curious, if there were any dressed up Walmartians there. Nah, no luck. The locals here are too fuddy-duddy. Myself included. It's a bit too chilly out. The Flea-Baggers seem to have found the same, especially after the mayor hosed them down with a water cannon, as soon as the media went for supper. When the media circus came back, everything was clean. Just wet streets with a slight pepper smell in the air. The occupiers had gon back to occupying their parent's couches. In Denver apparently some Flea-Baggers knocked a cop off his bike. Quite predictably, riot mode ensued instantly. That is a definite NO-NO! It is one thing to set garbage cans on fire, or even do a bit of looting, but NEVER, NEVER, NEVER knock a motorcycle cop off a bike! New York City's Central Park is seeing its snowiest October on record. Due to a complete lack of Gullible Warming, they got 1.3 inches of snow on Saturday and more on Sunday. These nuts seem to have absolutely no sense of timing. Just like Al Gore picked the very END of the warming cycle to come out with his Gullible Warming scam, the Flea-Baggers picked the start of winter for their nonsense. Maybe that stuff, that they are smoking, is not as organic as they think it is? Enjoy! Ophelia
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Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
A man was going on a business trip and thought he would buy his wife a vibrator, or toy, so she wouldn't miss him too much. He went to a shop and looked up and down the aisles, but couldn't find anything good. So, he went up to the clerk at the counter and explained his problem to him. The clerk took out a box covered with erotic symbols and words. He then opened the box and told the man how to use the 'Magic Dildo' that lay inside the box. "To use the Magic Dildo," the clerk said, "all you have to do is say Magic Dildo go to.....then say where you want the toy to go. For example, Magic Dildo go to my crotch," and the Magic Dildo went straight to the clerk's crotch. "Magic Dildo go back to the box," and the toy went back into the box. "I'll take it," the man said. When he got home, he gave it to his wife, explained how to use it, and caught a taxi to the airport. His wife started playing with the Magic Dildo. When she wanted to take it out, she started to pull it, but it wouldn't come out. Deciding she had better go to the hospital, she got in the car and started down the road, but was swerving since the Magic Dildo wouldn't stop. A cop pulled her over and asked, "How much have you had to drink?" The woman explained to the cop that it was the cyber toy that was causing her to swerve. "Magic Dildo my ass!" growled the cop.
» WTF Costumes
Parking meter revenge
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, October 30 I am getting more proud of Harper all the time. Now he is tossing out the gun control laws for rifles and shotguns, that the paranoid liberals had instituted years ago. He also watered down the controls for handguns. I am not going out and buying a bunch of guns.Guns are not in my budget, and in my opinion, at close range, they are no match for a cast iron frying pan. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
The father telling a family friend about his daughter's newly-assigned mission in the U.S. Coast Guard: she work on a cutter that escorts all cruise ships and international vessels under the bridges in California's Bay Area. But what her father told his friend was, "She's involved in some sort of escort service."
» Know your T's
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, October 29 Nancy Grace's recent wardrobe malfunction on "Dancing with the Stars" purportedly traumatized several young viewers, according to indecency complaints filed with the Federal Communications Commission. Apparently she wore a bra, that was cinched up too tight for her soft and jiggly build, and pretended not to notice, when a nipple peeked out for a few seconds. Not really a big deal.However, this brief exposure prompted a whole bunch of Americans to contact the FCC to express their outrage Angered that Grace “displayed her pornographic breast and nipple on national television,” a Los Angeles resident argued that she and ABC should be “fined for this disgusting and godless display.” Writing from Arlington, Virginia, another viewer charged that Grace knew that her breast might pop out. When Grace’s “nipple private" emerged, the viewer added, it “scared my children.” Another “Dancing” fan stated, “I want action!!! I am so offended to see her boob, my kids are traumatized. I want action against her and this network!!!” Also concerned for underage viewers, a Houston, Texas resident wrote, “Exposed female nipple during a time when my kids were watching. Completely unacceptable.” The above were just some of the complaints filed with the FCC. Those "concerned citizens" are a hoot! If there were mug-shots of them, I'm sure Dear Webby would give them a Bonehead Award. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
Lawyer: Tell us about the fight. Witness: I didn't see no fight. Lawyer: Well, tell us what you did see. Witness: I went to a dance at the Turner house, and as the men swung around and changed partners, they would slap each other, and one fellow hit harder than the other one liked, and so the other one hit back and somebody pulled a knife and a rifle that had been hidden under a bed, and the air was filled with yelling and smoke and bullets. Lawyer: You, too were shot in the fracas? Witness: No sir, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
» Ship Shots
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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, October 28 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!I found out today, that Baby Bok Choy is an excellent source of Vitamin A and apparently reduces the risk of certain cancers.
All I had known before, was that it was fairly cheap and not bland at all. A few leaves of it in a cheese sandwich perks it right up, without making it soggy. It's also quite nice in fried rice. I have to admit, though, that I have not splurged on it for a long time, but will definitely put it on my November shopping list. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
A fine funeral was ordered for a woman who had henpecked her husband, driven her kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest opportunity, and even made neurotics of the cat and dog with her explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke, and the pastor's benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of lightning, followed by terrific thunder. "Well," commented one of the mourners, "sounds like she was told off in no uncertain terms!"
» Feathers, Etc
Life of Flowers
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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, October 27 Since so many of you said you enjoyed learning a new phrase "hafting to be uproared" here is another one: Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc’-ra-cy) - a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers. I wonder what country has a system like that? Enjoy! Ophelia
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Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Wood- pecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of Ash I have ever put my pecker in."
» Aqua-tography
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