|  BLOG  | Subscribe | 

Good Morning 
It's Thursday, September 30, 2010

There sure was a heavy dew this morning! The grass was as wet
as if it had rained. Beautiful, warm fall day, better than a lot
of the summer days we had. And a gorgeous red sunset 
promising another nice day for tomorrow.
No, today's picture is not mine. It was forwrded to me.

Enjoy!
Ophelia


Please vote for me at the  EzineFinder

Thanks for voting for me! 
I DO appreciate it!
And if you can help me get more subscribers, I would 
appreciate that even more!

Ophelia

Feel free to adjust the font size 
by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel.

From Bob:
Many years ago, when I was considerably younger, I picked up 
a my new date at her parents’ home.

With considerable effort I’d scraped together some money to 
take her to a fancy  restaurant.

When we arrived there she proceeded to order several of the 
most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail,  Lobster 
and some of the restaurants finest wine..

I asked her, “Does your mother feed you like that when you 
eat at home?”

“No,” she said, “but then my mother is not expecting a blow 
job tonight.”



A man moved into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from
his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist
colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part.

Later he receives another letter asking him to send a
picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in
half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo.

He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong
half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother*s eyesight
is, and hopes she won*t notice.

A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother.
It says,
"Thank you for the picture. You sure got the traditional
Hinkley nose. But you should do something about that punk
hairstyle."

 

 
 
Click on the picture for the large version
Pismo Beach

Since nobody seems to be interested in deals I find, I asked
DearWebby to find one for me. Here it is:

Soap making video
A 53 minute video course to learn making highly profitable
soap. Yes, SOAP! Make fancy soap for yourself, gifts, 
and to sell. 
Go have fun with the Soap making video course!
Full money back guarantee.


Two little boys were watching a dog clean himself and now
and then snap at an itchy spot on his spine.
They watched him for quite awhile until finally one of the
boys said
"I wish I could do that."

The other little boy said "Don't ! He'll bite you."



In 1872 the Arabs invented the
condom, using a goat's lower intestine ..

In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking 
the intestine out of the goat first.


A 300 Kg man walks into a doctor`s office. This doctor is
known for his unusual but effective methods. The man says,
"Doctor you must help me. I have tried everything. I just
cannot lose this weight."

The doctor hesitates for a minute. He finally looks up and
says, "The only thing I can do is to sew your mouth shut
and teach you to eat from your butt."

The man agrees. He returns one week later to have the
procedure. Six months pass and the patient returns to have
the stitches out.

The doctor says, "Now return to me in 1 month for a post-op
checkup. "The patient agrees and loses an astonishing 100
kg. One month later, the patient returns for his post-op
checkup. As the patient sits down in the chair, the doctor
notices the man is twitching his butt up and down. He lets
it go and continues his examination. After one hour of
watching this man twitch his butt, the doctor can`t take it
anymore.

He finally says, "Mr. Charles. I have concluded that you
have a nervous tick in your butt as a result of your
operation. "The man thinks, laughs out loud and says,
"Doc, that ain`t no twitch. I`m chewing gum. Wanna see me
blow a bubble?"



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter





Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

-----------------------------------------
---------ooooO-----------------------
---------(        )-------Ooooo-------.
----------\     (---------(       )--------
-----------\    \---------)     /----------
----------- \ _)--------/    /------------
-----------------------(_ /--------------
-----------------------------------------   

   |  BLOG  | Subscribe | 

Good Morning 
It's Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Beautiful fall days! The glaciers stopped galloping, the snow is 
getting blown up to just the tops of the mountains, and the leaves
are gorgeous. 

I used to hate fall, because it reminded me that another year 
was just about shot. This year, I am just enjoying the nice
weather and the pretty colors. 

Enjoy!
Ophelia


Please vote for me at the  EzineFinder

Thanks for voting for me! 
I DO appreciate it!
And if you can help me get more subscribers, I would 
appreciate that even more!

Ophelia

Feel free to adjust the font size 
by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel.

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there
for a number of years when he came home one day and confess
to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an
urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife
suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about
it, but Bill indicated that he`d be too embarrassed. He
vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few
 weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife
could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

"What`s wrong, Bill?"  she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous
urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn`t."

"Yes, I did."

"My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, she got fired too."



Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate 
his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the 
circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse." 

To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent 
a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could 
find no hope in it.

On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you 
hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in 
bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the 
gun on himself!"

"That`s awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."

"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, 
"Could it have been worse?"

"Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, 
I'd be dead now!" 

 

 
 
Click on the picture for the large version

Since nobody seems to be interested in deals I find, I asked
DearWebby to find one for me. Here it is:

Soap making video
A 53 minute video course to learn making highly profitable
soap. Yes, SOAP! Make fancy soap for yourself, gifts, 
and to sell. 
Go have fun with the Soap making video course!
Full money back guarantee.


One day, heaven is beginning to fill up (due to the
population explosion), so St. Peter decides to ask each
person a question about the bible before they can enter.
Three men stand at the pearly gates, waiting to get into
heaven.

"How many wise men were there?" St. Peter asks the first
man. "Three." He answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates
open, and the first man enters.

How long did the flood last?" St. Peter asks the second
man. "Forty days and forty nights." He answers, and the
trumpets sound, the gates open and the second man enters.

Seeing how easily the first two answered his trivia, St.
Peter thinks of a much more difficult question for the
second man. Finally, he asks, "What was the first thing
Eve said to Adam in the Garden?"

The man thinks and thinks, but can't come up with an answer.
"Boy, that's a hard one," he finally says. And the
trumpets blow, the gates open, and the last man enters
heaven.



Little Johnny was at the public swimming pool when he was
approached by the lifeguard. "Listen, young man," the
lifeguard said, "you are not allowed to pee in the pool. I'm
going to have to report you."

"But sir, everyone pees in the pool," replied Little Johnny.

"Perhaps," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving
board!"


An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen
walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how
they can anger the Irishman... The first man says, "Watch
this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says,
"Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot."

The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?" The
Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his
friend jumps up and says, "Here, lemme try that." So he
goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your
St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!" The Irishman only
replies, "Oh, is that so now?" So the Englishman,
frustrated goes and sits down with his friends.

When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says, "Well, now, I
gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman and says,
"Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!" 

And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends 
were sayin."



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter





Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

-----------------------------------------
---------ooooO-----------------------
---------(        )-------Ooooo-------.
----------\     (---------(       )--------
-----------\    \---------)     /----------
----------- \ _)--------/    /------------
-----------------------(_ /--------------
-----------------------------------------   

   |  BLOG  | Subscribe | 

Good Morning 
It's Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Beautiful fall days! The glaciers stopped galloping, the snow is 
getting blown up to just the tops of the mountains, and the leaves
are gorgeous. 

I used to hate fall, because it reminded me that another year 
was just about shot. This year, I am just enjoying the nice
weather and the pretty colors. 

Enjoy!
Ophelia


Please vote for me at the  EzineFinder

Thanks for voting for me! 
I DO appreciate it!
And if you can help me get more subscribers, I would 
appreciate that even more!

Ophelia

Feel free to adjust the font size 
by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel.

The six fraternity men came weaving out of the off-campus gin mill
and started to crowd themselves into the Volkswagen for the rollicking
ride back home. 

One of them, obviously the house president, took charge
of the situation. 
"Herbie," he said, "you drive. You're to drunk to sing."



Overheard in a fashionable sports-car salon: "This model has a top
sped of a hundred and fifty-five mph, and she'll stop on a dime."

"What happens then?"

"A small putty knife emerges and scrapes you gently off the
windshield."

 

 
 
Click on the picture for the large version


Unexplainable Store
The Unexplainable Store has hundreds of goodies!
Astral Projection, Meditation, Manifestation, 
Sleep lucid, dream,  ESP, Chakra, Psychic Creativity,
Dna, Endorphin, Health Motivation, Prosperity, 
Weight Loss, Hypnosis, Memory, Past Life, Anxiety, 
Confidence, etc. Go have fun at the Unexplainable Store!


The wealthy Frenchman's beautiful wife had died, and while
the husband stoically controlled his grief throughout the funeral
proceedings, the wife's lover sobbed loudly and made an open display of
his loss. 

The husband observed this demonstration patiently and then,
when the services were over, walked over to the younger man, 
put his arm around him and said sympathetically, 
"Don't be so upset, mon ami.. I plan to marry again." 



"Are you sure this is your house?" the cop asked the
thoroughly sozzled gentleman.
"Shertainly," said the drunk, "and if you'll jush open the door f'me,
I'll prove it to you."

"You shee that piano?" the drunk began, "Thash mine. You shee that
telebision set? Thash mine, too. Follow me, follow me."

The police officer followed as he shakily negotiated the stairs to
the second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door they came to.

"Thish ish my bedroom," he announced. "Shee that bed? Thash my bed.
Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife. An' shee that guy lying
next to her?"

"Yeah," said the cop suspiciously.

"Thash me!"


A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and
knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how
many children she had and their ages.

She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy,
they're eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're
sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen."

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins every
time?"

The woman answered, "Heck no, there were thousands of times
we didn't get nothin'."



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter





Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

-----------------------------------------
---------ooooO-----------------------
---------(        )-------Ooooo-------.
----------\     (---------(       )--------
-----------\    \---------)     /----------
----------- \ _)--------/    /------------
-----------------------(_ /--------------
-----------------------------------------   

   |  BLOG  | Subscribe | 

Good Morning 
It's Monday, September 27, 2010

An interesting letter in the Australian Shooter Magazine, 
which I quote: 
"If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops 
in the Iraq Theater of operations during the past 22 months, and 
a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 
100,000 soldiers.

"The firearm death rate in Washington, DC is 80.6 per 100,000 
for the same period.

That means you are about 25 percent more likely to be shot 
and killed in the U.S. capital, which has some of the strictest 
gun control laws in the U.S., than you are in Iraq."

Conclusion: 
The U.S. should pull out of Washington DC.

Enjoy!
Ophelia


Please vote for me at the  EzineFinder

Thanks for voting for me! 
I DO appreciate it!
And if you can help me get more subscribers, I would 
appreciate that even more!

Ophelia

Feel free to adjust the font size 
by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel.

A man requested a  painter to paint him in the nude.
"No" she said. "I don't do that sort of thing."
"I'll increase your fee two times," he said.
"No, no thanks!!"
"I'll give five times as much as you normally get."
"Okay," said the artist, "but you have to let me wear an apron
or at least a belt! I need somewhere to place my brushes."



A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of
service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses
paid. When he walks into his room, there's a nude girl lying
on the bed. He picks up the phone, calls his temple, and
yells, "Where is your respect? As your rabbi, I am very, very
angry with you."

The girl gets up and start to get dressed.
He says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry at you."

 

 
 
Click on the picture for the large version

Imagine the sound of 24 big harvesters!


Unexplainable Store
The Unexplainable Store has hundreds of goodies!
Astral Projection, Meditation, Manifestation, 
Sleep lucid, dream,  ESP, Chakra, Psychic Creativity,
Dna, Endorphin, Health Motivation, Prosperity, 
Weight Loss, Hypnosis, Memory, Past Life, Anxiety, 
Confidence, etc. Go have fun at the Unexplainable Store!


This guy goes to Amsterdam to videotape a presentation. 
While staying in his hotel he finds an awesome porn channel on 
the TV, but, alas, he has no VCR or way to record it.

With a flash of inspiration, he sets up his video camera, 
points it at the TV, and tapes a few hours of hard core video.

On arriving home, he tells his best friend about the trip. The
conversation gets around to the porn tape and the man lends 
his friend the tape.

A couple of days later, the friend returns the tape. 
"Did, ahh, did you watch your tape?"

"No. I was watching the original. Wasn't any need to see 
the tape."

"Well, uhh, before you lend it out again, maybe you SHOULD 
watch it," the friend advises.

The guy did as he was advised. And never lent out the tape again.
You see, the fella had forgotten to take into account the 
*reflective* nature of a television screen .



Two matronly sisters lived together and managed a farm.
For years both had an extreme fear of thunder storms and lightning.

One day one of the sisters was visiting a neighbor, and
while walking home was caught in a severe thunder storm. Lightning was
streaking across the sky and thunder was booming all around. Being
totally terrified, she ran to a nearby haystack and buried her head in
the hay like an ostrich, so she could not see the lightning or hear the
thunder.

With her head buried in the hay, her rear end was exposed,
and the wind blew her dress up exposing the long unused
part of her anatomy.

Along comes the local stud, and seeing the poor souls predicament, 
he did the only thing a stud would do in such a situation.
After fully satisfying himself he zipped his pants and went 
on his merry way.

Soon the sister pulled her head out of the haystack and
rushed home, calling to her sister, "Sissy, Sissy, let
me tell you something! If you ever get struck by lightning, 
you'll never be afraid again!!"


Four insurance companies are in competition. One comes
up with the slogan,
"Coverage from the cradle to the grave."

The second one tries to improve on that with,
"Coverage from the womb to the tomb."

Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with,
"From the sperm to the worm."

The fourth insurance company really thought hard and
almost gave up the race, but finally came up with,
"From the erection to the resurrection."



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter





Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

-----------------------------------------
---------ooooO-----------------------
---------(        )-------Ooooo-------.
----------\     (---------(       )--------
-----------\    \---------)     /----------
----------- \ _)--------/    /------------
-----------------------(_ /--------------
-----------------------------------------   

   |  BLOG  | Subscribe | 

Good Morning 
It's Sunday, September 26, 2010
Another nice plastic deck chair arrived with a loud thump
against the porch this evening. It matched my collection,
so I stacked it. Somebody, somewhere upwind from here, 
has good taste!

They could have some of them back, but they never come
looking for them. Who knows, maybe they acquired them 
the same way? Maybe aliens drop them from their UFO's
into the wind as wind direction and speed indicators?

Enjoy!
Ophelia


Please vote for me at the  EzineFinder

Thanks for voting for me! 
I DO appreciate it!
And if you can help me get more subscribers, I would 
appreciate that even more!

Ophelia

Feel free to adjust the font size 
by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel.

An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker.
"Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?" he asks.

"$100," she replies.

In broken English, he says, "Do you do illegal immigrant style?"

"No" she says.

"I pay you $200 to do illegal immigrant style."

"No," she says, not knowing what illegal immigrant style is.

"I pay you $300."

"No," she says.

"I pay you $400."

"No," she says.

So finally he says, "OK, I pay $1,000 to do illegal immigrant style."

She thinks, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now.
I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world.

How bad could immigrant style be?"

So she agrees and has sex with him. Finally, after several hours, 
they finish. 
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "Hey, I was expecting 
something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So, what 
exactly is immigrant style?"

The illegal immigrant replies, "You send bill to Government."



A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation 
frequencies. This was his first time approaching a runway at night...

Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: 
"Guess who?"

The controller switched the runway lights off and replied: 
"Guess where!"

 

 
 
Click on the picture for the large version


Unexplainable Store
The Unexplainable Store has hundreds of goodies!
Astral Projection, Meditation, Manifestation, 
Sleep lucid, dream,  ESP, Chakra, Psychic Creativity,
Dna, Endorphin, Health Motivation, Prosperity, 
Weight Loss, Hypnosis, Memory, Past Life, Anxiety, 
Confidence, etc. Go have fun at the Unexplainable Store!



The British had an organization that Americans are now
considering adopting. It seems that in England, they had a
men's club, Bachelors' Anonymous. It was highly successful
in making men fear or even hate marriage.

The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of
bachelors wanting to marry. They send over a mother-in-law
in nightgown, hair curlers, and a mud pack.



A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting
on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where
she was going, and she replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas." He
questioned her as to why she was going, and she told him "I
just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I
give you for free." He pondered that for a while, went into
the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch and
his wife.

She said, "And just where do you think you are going?" He
replied, "I'm going, too." "Why?" she asked. He said, "I want
to see how you are going to live in Las Vegas on $800.00 a year."


I once took a sex education class in college and a funny thing 
happened one day:

The professor arrived and said we'd be discussing positions that day and
asked us how many positions did we know. I sat there too embarrassed to
speak but one gal a couple of seats over said, "Twelve."

The professor nodded approval but as he got ready to call on another
hand there was a loud call from the far back row of the 150 seat
auditorium, "A hundred and one."

The little professor looked over his thick glasses but couldn't make out
who had spoken. Finally he called on a fellow down in the front row who
replied, "Seven."

And once again from the very back was heard, "A hundred and one."

Finally he called on a very shy lady sitting next to me. At first she
acted like she wasn't going to answer. Finally she said, "Only one sir."

And the professor said, "Well young lady that is unusual. And what
position would that be?"

"With the man on top and woman on the bottom," she replied.

And from the back of the room came that same voice, 
"A hundred and two!"



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter





Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

-----------------------------------------
---------ooooO-----------------------
---------(        )-------Ooooo-------.
----------\     (---------(       )--------
-----------\    \---------)     /----------
----------- \ _)--------/    /------------
-----------------------(_ /--------------
-----------------------------------------