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Good Morning It's Tuesday, August 30, 2010 Sure is getting cold at night! I don't remember frost in August since the 70's. So, who has the guts to bet on this winter's weather? I am betting that it will be cold early, warm up for Christmas, and get cold again at or shortly after New Years. Enjoy! Ophelia
Feel free to adjust the font size by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel. A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, with a big grin, "Great!" Astrological After Sex Comments Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!" Taurus: "Are you hungry too? I'll get some pizza." Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?" Cancer: "When are we getting married?" Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?" Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets." Libra: "I liked it if you liked it." Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you." Sagittarius: "Don't call me -- I'll call you." Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?" Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!" Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?" 
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Yeast Free Cooking Manual / Cookbook!
A Delicious Cookbook full of great cooking tips, easy, yet
yummy recipes and a healthy eating guide to combat Autism,
Alzheimers, Candida, Fibromyalgia, Food Allergies, Arthritis,
and more!
Also includes a complete guide to a Yeast Free Diet.
Go get It!
Last time Bill was in the hospital, he really enjoyed himself: Patting the bottoms of the pretty nurses, offering to show them his circumcision scar, and the like. One nurse finally had all she could stand of his crude behavior and said, "A pervert like you should be living in a whore house!" Bill grinned at her and said, "Well, it WOULD be a lot cheaper than here, but I can't get my insurance to pay for it." After much soul searching and having determined the husband was infertile, the childless couple decided to try artificial insemination. When the woman showed up at the clinic, she was told to undress from the waist down, get on the table and place her feet in the stirrups. She was feeling rather awkward about the entire procedure when the doctor came in. Her anxiety was not diminished by the sight of him pulling down his pants! "Wait a minute! What the hell is going on here?" yelped the woman, pulling herself into a sitting position. "Don't you want to get pregnant?" asked the doctor. "Well, yes, I do," answered the woman. "Then lie back and spread 'em," replied the doctor. "We're all out of the bottled stuff. You'll just have to settle for what's on tap."
Enough for today! See ya tomorrow! Ophelia ophelia@dingbatter.com ----------------------------------------- ---------ooooO----------------------- ---------( )-------Ooooo-------. ----------\ (---------( )-------- -----------\ \---------) /---------- ----------- \ _)--------/ /------------ -----------------------(_ /-------------- ----------------------------------------- | ||
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Good Morning It's Monday, August 30, 2010 The cops sure are filling their quotas in the school zones! So, watch out! Also keep an eye out for new Playground zone signs, extending beyond the school zones. The same rules apply for those as for school zones. Enjoy! Ophelia
Feel free to adjust the font size by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel. A classic A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye. It loudly announced, "Porsche! Near New! $500" The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but he said to himself, 'it's worth a shot.' So he went to the lady's house who was selling the Porsche and she led him into the garage. Sure enough, there was an almost brand new Porsche. "Wow!" the man said, "Can I take it for a test drive?" "Sure," answered the lady. Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly. When he got back to the lady's house, he asked her, "Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?" Then the lady replied with a laugh, "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me, 'You can have the house and the furniture, just sell my Porsche and send me the money'." If Jesus were to do His same ministry on earth today, He would be wanted by... the FDA for turning water into wine without a license, the EPA for killing fig trees, the AMA for practicing medicine without a license, the Dept. of Health for asking people to open graves, for raising the dead and for feeding 5,000 people in the wilderness, the NEA for teaching without a certificate, OSHA for walking on water without a life-jacket and for flying without an airplane, the SPCA for driving hogs into the sea, the National Board of Psychiatrists for giving advice on how to live a guilt-free life, and by the ZONING DEPT for building mansions without a permit. ----------- He wouldn't be nailed to a cross, but lawyers and the media sure would make a mint! 
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din-din ?
Yeast Free Cooking Manual / Cookbook!
A Delicious Cookbook full of great cooking tips, easy, yet
yummy recipes and a healthy eating guide to combat Autism,
Alzheimers, Candida, Fibromyalgia, Food Allergies, Arthritis,
and more!
Also includes a complete guide to a Yeast Free Diet.
Go get It!
Three nuns were standing on a corner one evening collecting for the cause. Across the street there happened to be the local whore house. They happened to notice that Pastor Jones of the Protestant community sneaking into the place and one of the nuns whispered to the others, "If only his flock knew he was going into a wicked place to commit sin...they would be outraged!" A bit later, Rabbi Rabinowitz was seen sneaking in and the nun said to her sisters, "If only the Jewish community knew their Rabbi was in there committing sin with wicked women, they would be outraged!" A little while later, Father Flannigan was observed by them sneaking into the same whore house. "Oh dear," exclaimed the nun, "someone must be very sick in there for them to call the dear Father out at this late hour." The American tourist stood staring at the highland sentry standing guard outside Edinburgh Castle. After a few minutes she went up to the sentry and asked 'I've always wanted to find out what's worn under the kilt'. The sentry replied: 'There is nothing worn, Ma'am, its all in perfect working order'.
Enough for today! See ya tomorrow! Ophelia ophelia@dingbatter.com ----------------------------------------- ---------ooooO----------------------- ---------( )-------Ooooo-------. ----------\ (---------( )-------- -----------\ \---------) /---------- ----------- \ _)--------/ /------------ -----------------------(_ /-------------- ----------------------------------------- | ||
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Good Morning It's Sunday, August 29, 2010 Made a good haul from the farmers market, and spent the rest of the day out on the porch cleaning, cutting and bagging the veggies. I would not want to do that all day every day, but it sure feels good to see a full freezer! Enjoy! Ophelia
Feel free to adjust the font size by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel. A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse. "Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says. The doctor advises her to add a couple of days, since it invigorates and boosts circulation. "I can't," says the woman. "Those other nights I'm home with my husband and have a headache." A small boy walks into his mother's room and catches her topless. "Mummy, Mummy, what are those?" he says pointing to her breasts. "Well, son, "she says, These are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven," Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. "Mummy, mummy, Aunt Eliza is dying!" "What do you mean?" says his mother. "Well she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor with both of her balloons out. Dad's trying to blow them up for her and she keeps yelling, "God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!" 
Click on the picture for the large version
Yeast Free Cooking Manual / Cookbook!
A Delicious Cookbook full of great cooking tips, easy, yet
yummy recipes and a healthy eating guide to combat Autism,
Alzheimers, Candida, Fibromyalgia, Food Allergies, Arthritis,
and more!
Also includes a complete guide to a Yeast Free Diet.
Go get It!
A Chinese couple is in bed. The wife says:"I wann 69.! Hhusband replied: "Why you wann Beef and Bloccoli now?" Do you know someone who seems to know everything? When asked why, they say, "A little birdie told me." Did you know they probably aren't lying? It is a little known fact that there are little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere. - Thus, these creatures are called "Flies Unseen Everywhere" or FUE for short. These birds have an extensive communications network, and they can generally find out anything from anywhere quite quickly. Some of these birds befriend certain individuals and communicate with them by making clucking sounds, much like a chicken. They are not dumb like chickens, however, and can establish a sort of clucking language with the lucky person they befriend. This person is then the one who is always in the know; one step ahead of the competition. And those people, who seem to be in the dark? Those who just don't get it? Those who's standard response to any given question is, "Huh?" Why I think it should be pretty obvious to all, now, that the reason is simply because they don't have a clucking FUE.
Enough for today! See ya tomorrow! Ophelia ophelia@dingbatter.com ----------------------------------------- ---------ooooO----------------------- ---------( )-------Ooooo-------. ----------\ (---------( )-------- -----------\ \---------) /---------- ----------- \ _)--------/ /------------ -----------------------(_ /-------------- ----------------------------------------- | ||
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Good Morning It's Saturday, August 28, 2010 Got the freezer ready, and the pantry, cleaned the truck, and I am going to hit the farmers markets with my coin jug today. Well, actually, I am going to exchange the coins for paper money at the grocery store first. They got a machine for dumping the coins in and getting paper money out. Enjoy! Ophelia
Feel free to adjust the font size by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel. A couple just got married, and when the husband went back to his house he found that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried and gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success. Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her in the kitchen. He asked her what she has been up to and why she hasn't been home for so long. She replied: "These four men kidnapped me to have wild sex with me for a week." The husband answered: "But it's only been two days what do u mean a week?" "I am only here to get something to eat." Morris walks into Dr. Cohen's office and puts a note on the table in front of the doctor. The note reads, "I can't talk. Please help me!" The doctor thinks for a while and says to Morris, "Put your penis on the table here." Morris thinks this is a bit weird, but Cohen is a specialist, so he does as the doctor says. The doctor takes a rubber mallet and hits Morris's penis as hard as he can. The man cries in great agony, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The doctor says, "Good. Come again tomorrow, and we'll learn B!!" 
Click on the picture for the large version
Yeast Free Cooking Manual / Cookbook!
A Delicious Cookbook full of great cooking tips, easy, yet
yummy recipes and a healthy eating guide to combat Autism,
Alzheimers, Candida, Fibromyalgia, Food Allergies, Arthritis,
and more!
Also includes a complete guide to a Yeast Free Diet.
Go get It!
A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sex, fell in love with a man and agreed to marry him. As their wedding day approached, she became very nervous about her impending deflowering. Putting her anxiety aside, she decided that she would just marry her man and let him do whatever it was that he wanted to do. The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the new things she'd seen. "What can I help you with?" he asked. She said, "Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs called?" "Ma'am," he answered, "that there is called a penis." "I see," she said. "Now what is the big thing on the end of the penis called?" The old doctor smiled and said, "Why that there is called the head of the penis." "I do declare!" exclaimed the young woman. "One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12"-14" behind the head of the penis?" He paused and said "I'm not sure about your husband, ma'am, but on me, they're called the cheeks of my butt." Two men walk out of a bar and notice a dog laying on the side walk cleaning his dick with his tongue. One man turns to the other and says "I wish I could do that." The other man replies, "You probably can, but you probably should pet him a bit first."
Enough for today! See ya tomorrow! Ophelia ophelia@dingbatter.com ----------------------------------------- ---------ooooO----------------------- ---------( )-------Ooooo-------. ----------\ (---------( )-------- -----------\ \---------) /---------- ----------- \ _)--------/ /------------ -----------------------(_ /-------------- ----------------------------------------- | ||
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Good Morning It's Friday, August 27, 2010 Cleaned out my freezer today to make room for what I hope to get at the Farmer's Market tonight or tomorrow. Enjoy! Ophelia
Feel free to adjust the font size by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel. A little old lady told a friend of mine the other day, when they were standing in line together, that all she had ever wanted in life was four animals. My friend, who has a large dog, and a big heart for strays said, "Oh really, what kind of animals do you want?" The little old lady replied, "A mink on my back, a Jaguar in my garage, a tiger in my bed, and a jackass to pay for all of it!" A man went to church one day and afterward, he stopped to shake the priest's hand. He said, "Father, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned fine!" The priest said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use that kind of language in the Lord's House." The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!" The priest said, "Hot Damn! No shit?" 
Click on the picture for the large version
Yeast Free Cooking Manual / Cookbook!
A Delicious Cookbook full of great cooking tips, easy, yet
yummy recipes and a healthy eating guide to combat Autism,
Alzheimers, Candida, Fibromyalgia, Food Allergies, Arthritis,
and more!
Also includes a complete guide to a Yeast Free Diet.
Go get It!
A fireman comes home from work and is all excited. He just can’t wait to tell his wife the good news about a new system that they have down at the station. "Honey!" he says, "you’re not going to believe this! Down at the station we have this new system and it’s so great. When Bell #1 goes off we put on all our gear. When Bell #2 goes off we slide down the pole and jump in the fire truck. When Bell #3 goes off we speed to the fire in the fire truck." He excitedly tells his wife. Triumphantly he says, We’re going to do the same thing for our sex life! When Bell #1 goes off, we are going to strip naked. When Bell #2 goes off we will jump into bed. When Bell #3 goes off we will screw our brains out. Let’s give a test run. OK, ready? "Bell #1!" (they strip naked) Bell #2!" (they hop into bed) "Bell #3!" (they start screwing there brains out) A couple of minutes later the wife starts screaming "Oh, Bell #4! Bell #4!". The husband confused says,"Bell #4, What’s that?" The wife screams "More hose! More hose! Your not reaching the fire!!!" An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, 'Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?' She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way. Up and down the halls she goes again. Then the same old man jumps out of a room and says, 'Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?' She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way. She zooms off again, up and down the halls, weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. He's stark naked and has an erection. The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says, 'oh no, not the breathalyzer again.'
Enough for today! See ya tomorrow! Ophelia ophelia@dingbatter.com ----------------------------------------- ---------ooooO----------------------- ---------( )-------Ooooo-------. ----------\ (---------( )-------- -----------\ \---------) /---------- ----------- \ _)--------/ /------------ -----------------------(_ /-------------- ----------------------------------------- | ||
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