Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, June 19
Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to
see a fortune-tellers tent. Thinking it would be good for a
laugh, he went inside and sat down.

"Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball.
"I see you are the father of two children."

"That's what you think", the man laughed. I'm the father of
THREE children."

The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!"



>From Debbie
I spent more than two hours in the beauty shop getting my hair
permed, cut and styled.

Relieved to be done, I went up to the receptionist to pay.  "Good
afternoon!" she said cheerfully.  "And who's your appointment
with today?"

If I looked so bad, that I needed another 2 hour appointment,
I figured I better go elsewhere. So I told her I just needed the 
directions to Walmart.
     


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A prospective juror was being questioned by the District
Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the papers.

"If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could
you kill him for his crime ?"

"Well, no." replied the man.  "But I could do it on
Saturday, if that would be OK."



The following is an ad from a newspaper which appeared four 
days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the 
first day's mistake. 

MONDAY:
For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. 
Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly 
who lives with him cheap. 

TUESDAY:
Notice: We regret having erred In R. D. Jones' ad yesterday. 
It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. 
Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him 
after 7 P.M." 

WEDNESDAY:
Notice: R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received 
several annoying telephone calls because of the error 
we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands 
correct as follows: "For sale -- R. D. Jones has one 
sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 
after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him." 

THURSDAY:
Notice: I, R. D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. 
I intentionally broke it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had 
the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on 
with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, 
but she has now quit. 



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who   
had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up late   
in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down   
on my veranda for a few hours and relax.   

In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad,   
fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon   
boating or playing golf or tennis...   

When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the   
finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my   
veranda again."   

The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be   
envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She   
asked, "What's his wife's name?"   

Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda."   



RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Banana & Strawberry Filling for Crepes or Pancakes
 
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cup fat free whipped cream 
(You can even use the whipped cream out of the can)
1/4 cup sugar
2 to 3 bananas, sliced
6 strawberries, sliced

Directions
In a chilled medium sized bowl, beat whipping cream and 
sugar with electric mixer on high speed until stiff.
Spoon about 3 tablespoons whipped cream down center 
of each crepe/pancake.... Top with 4 or 5 banana slices. 
Roll up crepe/pancake and top each crepe with whipped 
cream and add a strawberry.  You can even sprinkle with 
powdered sugar, if you wish

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna




Lookit that Pussy!















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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, June 18

OK, no more politics. Having the guts to take a stand just 
gives people an excuse for not subscribing. So no more
of that. Let's see if any of them will put their money where their
mouth is!

So far none of them have.
Have I been right after all?

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


>From Kati:
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

 "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I
want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a
great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I
won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when
I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard
time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

 His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there will be sex here at seven
o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."



While on a business trip, in the hills of South Carolina, a salesman
from Chicago discovered that he was out of writing paper for his
personal correspondence. 

He went into the small town nearby and found only a convenience
store open.  

Behind the counter was a rather nice looking older southern 
lass, quite obviously a local girl from her accent.  

He asked, "Do you keep stationery?" 

"Well," she giggled, "I can...until I come, then I just go
plain wild and crazy!"
     


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One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as 
he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.  As he neared 
the pond, he heard  voices shouting and laughing with glee. 
As  he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women 
skinny dipping in  his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all 
went to the deep end of the pond.  One of the women shouted 
to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you 
ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond.
I'm here to feed the alligator."



Maria just got married, and being a traditional Italian, she was still a 
virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was 
nervous. But her mother reassured her. 
"Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, 
and he'll take care of you." 

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his 
shirt and exposed his hairy chest.
Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, 
Tony's got a big hairy chest." 

"Don't worry, Maria", says the mother, "All good men 
have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, 
Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Maria 
ran downstairs to her mother.

"Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!" 

"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good 
man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you." 

So, up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off 
his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes,
that he ha dshot off practising his quick-draw.
 
When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, 
Tony's got a foot and a half!"

"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. 
"This is a job for Mama!



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an afterward cocktail with
her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely
sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could
not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly
attentive stare and walked directly toward her.

Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for
staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely
anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100,
on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young
man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just
three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from
her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she
pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She
looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully said: 
"Clean my house"



RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

DORM style Crepes
 
Ingredients:
1/2 cup Complete Buttermilk Pancake Mix
2 eggs
1 tsp olive oil
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp vanilla
ice cold water

Directions:
Put ingredients into a one liter (quart) yoghurt container
beat with a fork until smooth and foamy

Grease nonstick skillet, heated to a bit more than medium heat.
(If the burner is labelled 1 - 10, set it at 6)

For each crepe, two  TBSP batter into skillet
jiggle skillet until batter covers bottom.

Cook until light golden brown on bottom side. 
Flip and cook other side until golden brown.

Squirt jam with a mustard/ketchup dispenser in fine
lines onto the finished crepes and roll them as soon 
as you take them off the skillet.

Look for those dispensers at the Dollar Store and label
them with a Mark-All to tell you what kind of jam is in each
of them. You will be surprised how well they work to save
on expensive jam!

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna









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Since 1/1/11

             Countries

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, June 17

Happy Fathers Day!

OK, no more politics. Having the guts to take a stand just 
gives people an excuse for not subscribing. So no more
of that. Let's see if any of them will put their money where their
mouth is!

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


>From Fannie:
My friend was always teasing me about cybersex and trying
to lead me on. One day he wrote me a really racy letter so I
decided to "call his bluff".

Forgetting I'd deleted his letter out of habit, I accidentally
responded to my Recipe Du Jour list instead and wrote:

"Thanks a lot. Now I can't get any work done. My panties are
wet from the anticipation of your next email."

A gentleman wrote back: "Sorry, I didn't realize my salsa
had such an effect."



The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for
weeks.
He wanted a new truck.
She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip
through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck,
but everything she seemed to like was way out of their
price range.

"Look !" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200
in 4 seconds or less."
"And my birthday is coming up.  You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services are pending.
     


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From Moe:
An old married couple was at home watching TV.
The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth 
between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:
"Leave it on the porn channel. 
You already know how to fish!"



My cousin. the teacher, was administering a test, when she noticed that
one of her students, who was quite obviously pregnant, kept rubbing her
side. 

Before the student left, she asked her, "Are you okay? I noticed you
were holding onto your side." 

"Oh, I'm fine," the student answered. "It's just that my baby was
pushing his foot up and down my ribs, and it hurt a little." 

My cousin, feeling genuinely relieved.  said, "Well, that's good," 

"Yeah," commented the girl, "It's strange. We normally sleep during
your class."



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the
properties of various acids. "Now I'm going to drop this silver
coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?"

"No sir," one student called out.

"No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why
the silver won't dissolve in this particular acid."

"Because if it would, Mr Mcinnis, you would have asked for
MY dime instead of using yours!"



RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Crepes
 
Ingredients:
1/2 cup Original Bisquick (or any pancake/biscuit mix)
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 cup skim milk (or regular milk)
1 tablespoon margarine (or butter, melted)
4 egg whites (or 2 whole eggs)

Directions:
In small bowl, beat Bisquick mix, sugar, 
1/2 cup skim milk, melted butter and egg 
whites until blended.
Grease nonstick skillet, heated to a medium heat.
For each crepe, pour two teaspoons batter
 into skillet; immediately rotate skillet until batter 
covers bottom.
Cook until light golden brown on bottom side. 
Turn and cook other side until golden brown.
Stack these crepes as you remove them from 
your skillet.

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna









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Since 1/1/11

             Countries

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, June 16


OK, no more politics. Having the guts to take a stand just 
gives people an excuse for not subscribing. So no more
of that. Let's see if any of them will put their money where their
mouth is!

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


Boy: Dad, what's politics? 
Dad: Let me set an example with our family. 
I bring in all the money, so we'll call me the management. 
Mom receives most of it, so we'll call her the government. 
We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, 
and your baby brother is the future. 
Do you understand now son? 
Boy: I still don't understand dad.
Dad: Think about it for a while son. 
That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. 
He goes in and finds out he's soiled his diapers. 
He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room 
but she's in there having sex with his dad. 
He bangs on the door but no one can hear him. 
The next day...
Son: Dad I understand politics now. 
Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.
Son: The working class is screwing the management
while the governments fast asleep. 
The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT! 



A three year old little boy was examining his genitals
while taking a bath.
"Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

Mama answered, "Not yet."
     


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Mom and Dad were taking young Billy for a walk through the park one 
sunny afternoon when all of a sudden, in the bushes a short distance 
away, Billy spots two dogs going at it. Billy says, "Daddy, what are 
they doing?" The dad responds after some quick thinking, "Well son, 
they are making a puppy."

Later that night Billy was thirsty and got out of bed to get a glass of 
water. As he walked by his mom and dad's room, he heard a noise and 
looked in only to find them going at it. Billy shouts, "Daddy what are 
you doing?" The father, quite embarrassed, replies "Well Billy, we're 
making a baby." 

"Quick, turn her over!" declares Billy, "I want a puppy!"



A man wakes up screaming one day, and yells to his wife, 
who knew he was constipated the day before.  

Hearing his yells from the kitchen she asked what was wrong.

He responded, "Man that damn laxative said guaranteed 
to work by 8 a.m.".

His wife asked, "Well did it work?"

"Yes" he screamed. 

"Then why are you angry?" she asked.

"Because," he exclaimed, "I didn't wake up until 9!"



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



Have you seen a recent commercial for Viagra? 

The guy comes home, he's rushing around, he's cleaning the 
house, he's cooking dinner, he's setting the table, he's putting 
flowers and candles out before his wife gets home. 

Don't you think that most women watching that commercial 
say, "The hell with the sex. Where can I get a pill to make my 
husband to do all of that?'

HR>

RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

CARROT CAKE
 
Ingredients:
8 oz grated carrots
8 oz soft brown sugar (or Stevia equivalent with a 
  teaspoon of vanilla added)
6 oz coconut oil
4 oz whole wheat flour (whole wheat pastry flour is best)
2 oz chopped walnuts or pecans
2 eggs
Zest of 1 orange, grated
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Directions:
Beat all the above ingredients together and place in a 
baking pan greased with coconut oil.Cook in preheated 
oven at 350 F for 45 - 60 minutes. 
(Check with a toothpick.  If toothpick comes out clean, 
cake is ready to be removed from oven.) 

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












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