Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, June 18

OK, no more politics. Having the guts to take a stand just 
gives people an excuse for not subscribing. So no more
of that. Let's see if any of them will put their money where their
mouth is!

So far none of them have.
Have I been right after all?

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


>From Kati:
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

 "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I
want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a
great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I
won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when
I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard
time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

 His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there will be sex here at seven
o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."



While on a business trip, in the hills of South Carolina, a salesman
from Chicago discovered that he was out of writing paper for his
personal correspondence. 

He went into the small town nearby and found only a convenience
store open.  

Behind the counter was a rather nice looking older southern 
lass, quite obviously a local girl from her accent.  

He asked, "Do you keep stationery?" 

"Well," she giggled, "I can...until I come, then I just go
plain wild and crazy!"
     


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One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as 
he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.  As he neared 
the pond, he heard  voices shouting and laughing with glee. 
As  he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women 
skinny dipping in  his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all 
went to the deep end of the pond.  One of the women shouted 
to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you 
ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond.
I'm here to feed the alligator."



Maria just got married, and being a traditional Italian, she was still a 
virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was 
nervous. But her mother reassured her. 
"Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, 
and he'll take care of you." 

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his 
shirt and exposed his hairy chest.
Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, 
Tony's got a big hairy chest." 

"Don't worry, Maria", says the mother, "All good men 
have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, 
Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Maria 
ran downstairs to her mother.

"Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!" 

"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good 
man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you." 

So, up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off 
his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes,
that he ha dshot off practising his quick-draw.
 
When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, 
Tony's got a foot and a half!"

"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. 
"This is a job for Mama!



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an afterward cocktail with
her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely
sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could
not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly
attentive stare and walked directly toward her.

Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for
staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely
anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100,
on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young
man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just
three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from
her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she
pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She
looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully said: 
"Clean my house"



RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

DORM style Crepes
 
Ingredients:
1/2 cup Complete Buttermilk Pancake Mix
2 eggs
1 tsp olive oil
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp vanilla
ice cold water

Directions:
Put ingredients into a one liter (quart) yoghurt container
beat with a fork until smooth and foamy

Grease nonstick skillet, heated to a bit more than medium heat.
(If the burner is labelled 1 - 10, set it at 6)

For each crepe, two  TBSP batter into skillet
jiggle skillet until batter covers bottom.

Cook until light golden brown on bottom side. 
Flip and cook other side until golden brown.

Squirt jam with a mustard/ketchup dispenser in fine
lines onto the finished crepes and roll them as soon 
as you take them off the skillet.

Look for those dispensers at the Dollar Store and label
them with a Mark-All to tell you what kind of jam is in each
of them. You will be surprised how well they work to save
on expensive jam!

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna









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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, June 17

Happy Fathers Day!

OK, no more politics. Having the guts to take a stand just 
gives people an excuse for not subscribing. So no more
of that. Let's see if any of them will put their money where their
mouth is!

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


>From Fannie:
My friend was always teasing me about cybersex and trying
to lead me on. One day he wrote me a really racy letter so I
decided to "call his bluff".

Forgetting I'd deleted his letter out of habit, I accidentally
responded to my Recipe Du Jour list instead and wrote:

"Thanks a lot. Now I can't get any work done. My panties are
wet from the anticipation of your next email."

A gentleman wrote back: "Sorry, I didn't realize my salsa
had such an effect."



The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for
weeks.
He wanted a new truck.
She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip
through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck,
but everything she seemed to like was way out of their
price range.

"Look !" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200
in 4 seconds or less."
"And my birthday is coming up.  You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services are pending.
     


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From Moe:
An old married couple was at home watching TV.
The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth 
between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:
"Leave it on the porn channel. 
You already know how to fish!"



My cousin. the teacher, was administering a test, when she noticed that
one of her students, who was quite obviously pregnant, kept rubbing her
side. 

Before the student left, she asked her, "Are you okay? I noticed you
were holding onto your side." 

"Oh, I'm fine," the student answered. "It's just that my baby was
pushing his foot up and down my ribs, and it hurt a little." 

My cousin, feeling genuinely relieved.  said, "Well, that's good," 

"Yeah," commented the girl, "It's strange. We normally sleep during
your class."



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the
properties of various acids. "Now I'm going to drop this silver
coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?"

"No sir," one student called out.

"No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why
the silver won't dissolve in this particular acid."

"Because if it would, Mr Mcinnis, you would have asked for
MY dime instead of using yours!"



RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Crepes
 
Ingredients:
1/2 cup Original Bisquick (or any pancake/biscuit mix)
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 cup skim milk (or regular milk)
1 tablespoon margarine (or butter, melted)
4 egg whites (or 2 whole eggs)

Directions:
In small bowl, beat Bisquick mix, sugar, 
1/2 cup skim milk, melted butter and egg 
whites until blended.
Grease nonstick skillet, heated to a medium heat.
For each crepe, pour two teaspoons batter
 into skillet; immediately rotate skillet until batter 
covers bottom.
Cook until light golden brown on bottom side. 
Turn and cook other side until golden brown.
Stack these crepes as you remove them from 
your skillet.

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna









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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, June 16


OK, no more politics. Having the guts to take a stand just 
gives people an excuse for not subscribing. So no more
of that. Let's see if any of them will put their money where their
mouth is!

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


Boy: Dad, what's politics? 
Dad: Let me set an example with our family. 
I bring in all the money, so we'll call me the management. 
Mom receives most of it, so we'll call her the government. 
We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, 
and your baby brother is the future. 
Do you understand now son? 
Boy: I still don't understand dad.
Dad: Think about it for a while son. 
That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. 
He goes in and finds out he's soiled his diapers. 
He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room 
but she's in there having sex with his dad. 
He bangs on the door but no one can hear him. 
The next day...
Son: Dad I understand politics now. 
Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.
Son: The working class is screwing the management
while the governments fast asleep. 
The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT! 



A three year old little boy was examining his genitals
while taking a bath.
"Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

Mama answered, "Not yet."
     


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Mom and Dad were taking young Billy for a walk through the park one 
sunny afternoon when all of a sudden, in the bushes a short distance 
away, Billy spots two dogs going at it. Billy says, "Daddy, what are 
they doing?" The dad responds after some quick thinking, "Well son, 
they are making a puppy."

Later that night Billy was thirsty and got out of bed to get a glass of 
water. As he walked by his mom and dad's room, he heard a noise and 
looked in only to find them going at it. Billy shouts, "Daddy what are 
you doing?" The father, quite embarrassed, replies "Well Billy, we're 
making a baby." 

"Quick, turn her over!" declares Billy, "I want a puppy!"



A man wakes up screaming one day, and yells to his wife, 
who knew he was constipated the day before.  

Hearing his yells from the kitchen she asked what was wrong.

He responded, "Man that damn laxative said guaranteed 
to work by 8 a.m.".

His wife asked, "Well did it work?"

"Yes" he screamed. 

"Then why are you angry?" she asked.

"Because," he exclaimed, "I didn't wake up until 9!"



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try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



Have you seen a recent commercial for Viagra? 

The guy comes home, he's rushing around, he's cleaning the 
house, he's cooking dinner, he's setting the table, he's putting 
flowers and candles out before his wife gets home. 

Don't you think that most women watching that commercial 
say, "The hell with the sex. Where can I get a pill to make my 
husband to do all of that?'

HR>

RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

CARROT CAKE
 
Ingredients:
8 oz grated carrots
8 oz soft brown sugar (or Stevia equivalent with a 
  teaspoon of vanilla added)
6 oz coconut oil
4 oz whole wheat flour (whole wheat pastry flour is best)
2 oz chopped walnuts or pecans
2 eggs
Zest of 1 orange, grated
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Directions:
Beat all the above ingredients together and place in a 
baking pan greased with coconut oil.Cook in preheated 
oven at 350 F for 45 - 60 minutes. 
(Check with a toothpick.  If toothpick comes out clean, 
cake is ready to be removed from oven.) 

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, June 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



OK, no more politics. Having the guts to take a stand just 
gives people an excuse for not subscribing. So no more
of that. 

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


Years ago while attending a dinner party hosted by some 
friends of mine the hostess served a meal with this delicious 
mushroom sauce.  After the meal there was a small amount 
left over and the hostess decided to allow her pregnant cat 
to enjoy the treat.  

The guests all felt it was a great gesture and showed the 
cat was a member of the family. The sauce was the highlight 
of the evenings topic of conversation, everyone commented 
on how delicious it was, and the hostess beamed at all the 
compliments.  

One of the guest commented that toadstools were much like 
mushrooms except for being toxic, and how funny it would 
be if such a culinary treat were made from that instead.

As if on cue, the cat started crying and squirming on the 
floor, clutching its belly.  The hostess exclaimed, 
"Oh my God, it's the mushroom sauce!" 

We all went to the emergency room in a mad rush, and
had our stomachs pumped after telling them we had eaten 
poisonous mushrooms.  This was an extremely unpleasant 
experience. 

When we got back afterwards, the cat was lying on the floor, 
peacefully looking up at us, and licking her newborn kittens.



One day, two deputies in the Sheriff's Office answered an emergency call
at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man
and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death. When they went
to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.

"No doubt about it," one deputy said to the other. "This was a double
murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with
somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."

"You're right," the other deputy replied. "Double murder and suicide.
But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going to say 'it could
have been worse'."

"No way. How could it be worse? There are three people in the house, and
all of them have been shot to death. It couldn't be worse. You're on."

About that time, the old sheriff arrived at the scene. He walked into
the bedroom and saw the two nude bodies. He then walked into the living
room and saw t! he man on the floor with the gun by his side. "No doubt
about it," the sheriff said, shaking his head. "It was a double murder
and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody
else and shot them both. Then he shot himself." 

After hesitating for a moment, the old sheriff looked his deputies 
squarely in the eyes. "But, you know," he said, 
"it could have been worse."

The deputy who had lost the bet jumped up and shouted, 
"Sheriff, how could it have been worse? There are three people 
in this farmhouse, and all three of them are dead. It couldn't 
have been worse!"

"Yes it could," the sheriff retorted. "You see that guy there on the
floor? If he had come home yesterday, 
that would be me in there in that bed!"
     


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Looks like a Westboro Baptist Pervert got upstaged!

I am hetero, but I have absolutely no use for the
Westboro Baptist Perverts. After the ACLU forced the US 
military to accept homosexuals, the Westboro Baptist Perverts
picketed the funerals of war heroes with signs like that and
making a  racket yelling and screaming. 

Dear Webby started running a Pervert Alert column and 
warning where the perverts were planning to disrupt a funeral 
next. Then "Rolling Thunder" started showing up, pushing the
perverts away from the funeral and putting dozens of big Harleys
between the funeral and the perverts.

Eventually some laws were set up that forbid the perverts to 
come near a military funeral, and Dear Webby stopped the 
Pervert Alert column. I still remember it, though!


 


A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was 
horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young lady. 
Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband 
stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you 
to hear how this all came about." 

"Driving home I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired. 
I offered  her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home 
and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the 
refrigarator. 

Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes, 
that you didn't wear because they were out of style. 

She was cold, so I gave her that new birthday sweater you
never wore even once, because the color didn't suit you. 

Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair you don't fit 
in anymore. 

Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and 
asked. "is there anything else your wife doesn' use anymore?

And so. here we are!"



Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new 
hinge, so he sent Mary Louise to the hardware store. At the 
hardware store she saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf 
while she was waiting for Joe Bob to finish waiting on a 
customer.

When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Louise asked how much for 
the teapot?

Joe Bob replied "That's silver and it costs $100!"

"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary Louise 
exclaimed. She then proceeded to describe the hinge that 
Bubba had sent her to buy, and Jo Bob went to the backroom 
to find a hinge.

From the backroom Joe Bob yelled "Mary Louise, you wanna 
screw for that hinge?'

To which Mary Louise replied, "No, but I'll blow you  for the 
teapot!" 



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



A couple traveling cross country decided to stop for a
cup of coffee in a local diner somewhere in Texas. While
they were sitting at a booth near the counter sipping
their coffee, a local cowboy stumbles in and heads for
the closest stool at the counter. As he lifts his leg
over the stool, he cuts one of the loudest farts ever
heard by a human. The tourist jumps up and yells, "Sir,
how dare you fart before my wife!"

The cowboy stopped, tipped his hat politely and says,
"I'm awful sorry ma'am...I didn't know we was a takin'
turns."

HR>

RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

BAKED COCONUT POTATOES
 
Ingredients:
1 LARGE BAKING POTATO PER PERSON
1 CLOVE GARLIC PER POTATO
1 TEASPOON COCONUT OIL PER POTATO

Directions:
Preheat oven to 325 F.
Melt the coconut oil in the oven in a large baking dish. 
Peel and thickly slice the potatoes and the garlic and 
place them in the dish, making sure they are well 
covered with the melted coconut oil.
Sprinkle to taste with salt.
Check them after 20 minutes and turn.
Cook for a further 20 minutes, or until cooked to 
consistency you prefer.
Tasty and not fattening. 

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna





Yes, I made a large picture to click through to.

I know quite a few guys, who would stand in line to trade
places with that puppy.




Yes, I made a large picture to click through to.





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             Countries

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, June 14

If you have a friend, who can afford $10 a year,
please do tell her or him about my newsletter!

Vancouver, BC is going to introduce fines for texting
and walking in traffic. Initially the fines will only be 
levied if a texter causes an accident. If that does not
reduce the problem they have, it will be widened out.


"A new survey just came out and it finds that sex is better 
when you're on vacation. Yeah, at least that's what my wife 
emailed me from the Bahamas." 
--- Conan O'Brien

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


A couple with their young son decided to spend a day at a nude
beach. After an hour in the sun, the father went for a walk while
the son played in the water.

After a while the boy came up to his mother and said,
"Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mother said, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So the boy went back to play. Minutes later the boy returned and
said, "Mommy, I saw men with willies a lot bigger than daddy's."

The mother said the same thing, "The bigger they are, the dumber
they are."

So the boy went back to play. Several minutes later the boy ran
back to his mother and said, 
"Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw,
and the more he talked, the dumber he got!"



Rachel, completely fed up with her husband's Internet 
obsession finally takes matters into her own hands.

One night as Morris is sitting at the computer, she goes 
into the bedroom, takes off all her clothes, puts on a full 
length fur coat and she posts herself between her husband 
and his monitor.

She pulls open the coat and yells, " Your Time for Super Sex!"

He ignores her.

So, she repeatedly yells, "Super Sex! Super Sex! Super Sex!"

Finally Morris replies..... "Ok, I'll take the soup."
      


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Butterflies can taste with their feet, but they are deaf.


 


When I do good, I feel good;
when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.
--- Abraham Lincoln (attributed)

When I do good, I feel good;
when I am bad, I am better, and that is my religion.
--- Mae West



Paddy and Bridget had just got married. It was their wedding
night in the bridal suite. Bridget was lying on her back on the
bed in an incredible shimmering silky negligee whimpering,

"Take me Paddy. Take me now!"

Paddy (having been a good catholic boy) was a virgin and didn't
have the faintest idea what to do next. Suddenly he had a
brilliant idea. He dashed out of the room and went to reception
to ring his mum for advice.

Her advice was to put the hardest part of his body into where
Bridget pees. Paddy was a bit dubious about this but his mother
assured him that Bridget would love it.

Paddy came back in to the bedroom triumphantly, asked Bridget if
she was ready.

Bridget shouted, "Yes, Yes, I'm ready!"

Then she watched in amazement as Paddy ran into the bathroom and
put his head down the toilet.



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try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



About Beer, by 7-Year-Olds

A handful of 7 year old children were asked, 'what they 
thought of beer.' 

7-year-old Tim- 'I think beer must be good. My dad says
 the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.'

7-year-old Melanie - 'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we 
get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, 
so beer is nice.

7-year-old Grady - 'My Mom gets funny when she drinks 
it and takes her top off at parties.'

7-year-old Toby - 'My Mom and Dad talk funny when they 
drink beer and The more they drink the more they give kisses 
to each other, which is a good thing.'

7-year-old Sarah - 'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. 
He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too 
much.

7-year-old Lilly - 'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, 
the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.'

7-year-old Ethan - 'I don't like beer very much. Every time 
Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue 
and they taste disgusting.'

7-year-old Mary - 'I think beer tastes bitter andI don't like
it. Mom likes it, but she gets tired and leans at guys and
they have to help her to the bedroom for a quick nap.
When they come back, she is all perky and happy, and the
guys are all tired out.

7-year-old Shirley - 'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he 
goes to sleep.'

7-year-old Brittney - I don't like beer, but mom says it
helps you get the guys you want, so I'll have to learn to
like it.

7-year-old Jack - 'My Mom drinks beer and she says 
silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks 
beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone 
down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'

7-year-old Fergie - My mom never drinks beer when dad is
home, but he sometimes does. Then she yells at him when
it makes him want to smooch. Mom only drinks beer when 
dad is away. When it makes her want to smooch, she will do
it with everybody, even the Pizza guy, and he is weird.

7-year-old Alice - My sister told me you have to drink 
your own weight in beer before you start to like it. She has
some ways to go yet, I think. The guys usually ignore her
until they have had a whole lot of beer, then they get nice
and play with her.

7-year-old Brad - Beer tastes disgusting. My brother told me
it makes you think the girls are pretty. With his girlfriend
I would need an awful lot of beer.

HR>

RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Baked Chicken & Rice
 
Ingredients:
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 cup rice
1 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon pepper
3 pounds cut up chicken, skinned is best
1/2 cup crushed saltine crackers
1 1/2 teaspoons paprika
2 tablespoons melted butter
1 1/3 cups water

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375 F.
Combine soup, water, rice, all spices (except paprika) in a  13 X 9 baking dish.
Arrange chicken pieces on top of rice mixture.
Cover tightly with foil and bake for 45 minutes.
Sprinkle chicken with cracker crumbs and top with paprika.
Drizzle with butter and bake 5 to 10 minutes or until chicken is tender.
Season to taste with salt and pepper. 

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna











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