Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, April 9

I found all of Maryann and Joe's eggs, and luckily none
of them were from the previous year. I also found over fifteen
dollars of assorted change, which we split. I also found a 
stack of invoices, which we did NOT split.

The Great Easter Potato Salad was a big success, as always.
It was a real fridge-cleaner. We tossed in what was left in
the hamburger relish jar, dumped the hot salsa jar, olives,
cut up what was left of the dill pickles, cubed and fried 
bacon and ham, half a cucumber, and of course a small bag 
of "Yukon Gold" potatoes. They are a firm, fleshy type, not
a sandy, smeary type. They have a texture more like a not 
quite ripe plum, and are perfect for potato salad, since they
don't get mushy or smeary.

For the dressing we used mayonaise, Keens mustard powder
and cider vinegar. When it was all good and coated with the
dressing, we carefully folded in the sliced boiled easter eggs.

Yes, I did eat more than I should have, we all did, but then
we went for a long walk. It was a great Easter Sunday!

Enjoy!
Ophelia



Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 


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Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


Thanks to Dianne for this:
Hope you females out there that have a problem controlling 
your weight, don't take offense at this  I was in a  pub last 
night and saw two "girls of size" (as Political Correctness 
now requires us to say) by the bar.

They both spoke with a pronounced brogue, and making 
a guess about their origin I said, "Hello! Are you two girls 
from  Scotland?"

One of them screamed, "It's WALES, you f------g  idiot!"

So I immediately apologized, and said, "Sorry, are you 
two whales  from Scotland?"

That's when all hell broke loose . 




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RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

DORM style Micro Quiche
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

If you can't afford 2 cents per day, 
then you can't afford the ingredients for
today's recipe anyway.

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












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Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, April 8
Happy Easter,  !
Remember what Easter is all about?
That is why you get paid double-time for working Good-Friday.

Nobody hides any Easter Eggs for me, so I go help Maryann 
next door find hers. She hides them herself, but forgets 
where she puts them. We have settled on some rules years ago,
Soft milk chocolate eggs are for her hubby, fancy truffles are
for her, and dark chocolate are for me. 
Boiled and painted eggs we peel and slice for the big Easter
potato salad. 

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking 
about something his lover had said.  
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before his wife finishes talking.



A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra 
that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the 
nipples from pushing through the fabric when there is a 
cold draft.

At a news conference announcing the invention, the scientist 
was taken outside by a large group of cowboys and had the 
shit kicked out of him. He is not expected to recover.



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Click through for the large picture

 


The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable
words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children
examples of words with more than one syllable.

"Jane, do you know any multi-syllable words?"

After some thought, Jane proudly replied, "Monday."

"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know
another word?"

"I do! I do!" replied Johnny.

Knowing Johnny's more mature vocabulary, she picks Mike instead. 
"OK, Mike, what is your word?"

"Saturday," says Mike.

"Great, that has three syllables!"

Not wanting to be outdone, Johnny says, "I know a FOUR syllable word.
Pick me! Pick me!"

Thinking he cannot do any harm with a word that large, the teacher
reluctantly says, "O.K., Johnny, what is your four syllable word?"

Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."

Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny.
Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."

"Pretty good, Ma'am, but you're thinking of 'blowjob.' 
That's only two syllables."



Boudreaux found Thibodeaux walking down the levee, 
looking really down in the dumps. Naturally, he asked 
Thibodeaux what the problem was. 
Thibodeaux told Boudreaux, "Well, me and Clothile done 
had our first fight last night."

Boudreaux says, "Aw, dat's too bad. What y'all had a 
fight about?"

Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, I told her a joke about de Pope."

Boudreaux says, "Mais, Thib, why did you do that? You 
knows dat Clothile is Catholic."

Thibodeaux replies, "Yah, I knew dat, but I didn't know 
de Pope was too."



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



Groan Alert:
Mrs. O'Malley arrives in Boston from Ireland, and in no time
at all her bean soup has made her the talk of New England 
society. 

At a party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy 
Charles Street restaurant, an old matron goes up to Mrs. 
O'Malley and says, "My dear girl, what is the secret of 
your soup?" 

Mrs. O'Malley says, "The secret to me soup is that I use 
but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it."

The woman says, "How come only two-hundred thirty-nine?" 

Mrs. O'Malley says, "Because one more would make it 
too farty."



RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Mighty Mini Quiche
 
Ingredients:
6 slices bacon, chopped
1 onion, diced into small pieces
3 eggs
3/4 cup buttermilk baking mix
1 1/2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
2 cups shredded American cheese

Directions:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. 
Grease 2 mini muffin pans. 
In a large skillet over medium heat, fry bacon and onion 
together for about 5 minutes, or until bacon is crisp. 
Drain and crumble the bacon, then set aside. 
In a medium bowl, beat the eggs. 
Stir in the baking mix, parsley, shredded cheese, bacon 
and onion. 
Spoon mixture into greased muffin cups. 
Bake for 10 to 15 minutes in the preheated oven, or 
until the tops are lightly browned. Allow mini quiches 
to cool in the pan before carefully removing with a 
small knife or spatula. 

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna







Is it a frog or is it a horse?






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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, April 7
Remember what Easter is all about?
That is why you get paid double-time for working Good-Friday.

Enjoy!
Ophelia



Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 


Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


A school teacher asks her class,
"What vegetable makes your eyes water?"
 replies, "A turnip, miss." 

"No ," says the teacher,
"I believe you are thinking of an onion, aren't you?" 

"No miss," says , 
"Have you never been hit in the groin with a turnip?"




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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter




RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Mac and Cheese Recipe -with Tomatoes
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

If you can't afford 2 cents per day, 
then you can't afford the ingredients for
today's recipe anyway.

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, April 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Remember what Easter is all about?

Enjoy!
Ophelia



Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 


Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


Diane buys a hundred goldfish. There are so many of them that she
decides to keep them in her bathtub. One day she invites her friend over
to see all her beautiful goldfish. Lauren is impressed, and remarks,
"They surely are beautiful, but what do you do when you want to take a
bath?" 

Diane replies, "I blindfold them."




Subscribe a friend to Ophelia Dingbatter's News!

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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter




RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Pecan Pie DORM version
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

If you can't afford 2 cents per day, 
then you can't afford the ingredients for
today's recipe anyway.

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

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MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

     95640

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, April 5


Click through for the large version.

Enjoy!
Ophelia



Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 


Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


The minister dies and the congregation decides, after some time, that
his widow, should marry again. Since it is a small village, the only
available candidate is the local butcher, a simple, unpolished man.
Reluctantly, since she was used to living with a bible scholar, she
accepts.

After the marriage, on Friday night just after taking a bath - the new
husband tells his wife, "Look, my mother always said that before the
beginning of the weekend it was a blessing to have sex."

They do it and then on Saturday he tells her, "According to my father it
is a blessing to have sex during the day before the Sabbath.

There they go again, and when it is time to go to sleep he tells her,
"My grandfather told me that one should always have sex on Sabbath
night."

Finally they go to sleep and when they wake up the next morning he tells
her, "My aunt says that a Christian man always starts the Sabbath by
having sex. So lets do it."

Finally on Monday she goes out to the market and meets a friend that
asks her, "So how is the new husband?"

"Well, an intellectual he isn't, but he comes from a wonderful family




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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter




RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

How to Make Pie Crust and Pecan Pie recipe to go in it
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

If you can't afford 2 cents per day, 
then you can't afford the ingredients for
today's recipe anyway.

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna



Must have been a dozen people who sent me this picture!








Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor. Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you successfully receive the free subscription! If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either. Do NOT complain to me, if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email. There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what goes on at your ISP or in your computer. 4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version | | Subscribe |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

95460