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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, April 8 Happy Easter, ! Remember what Easter is all about? That is why you get paid double-time for working Good-Friday. Nobody hides any Easter Eggs for me, so I go help Maryann next door find hers. She hides them herself, but forgets where she puts them. We have settled on some rules years ago, Soft milk chocolate eggs are for her hubby, fancy truffles are for her, and dark chocolate are for me. Boiled and painted eggs we peel and slice for the big Easter potato salad. Enjoy! Ophelia
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A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when there is a cold draft. At a news conference announcing the invention, the scientist was taken outside by a large group of cowboys and had the shit kicked out of him. He is not expected to recover.
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The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable. "Jane, do you know any multi-syllable words?" After some thought, Jane proudly replied, "Monday." "Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know another word?" "I do! I do!" replied Johnny. Knowing Johnny's more mature vocabulary, she picks Mike instead. "OK, Mike, what is your word?" "Saturday," says Mike. "Great, that has three syllables!" Not wanting to be outdone, Johnny says, "I know a FOUR syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!" Thinking he cannot do any harm with a word that large, the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K., Johnny, what is your four syllable word?" Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful." "Pretty good, Ma'am, but you're thinking of 'blowjob.' That's only two syllables."
Boudreaux found Thibodeaux walking down the levee, looking really down in the dumps. Naturally, he asked Thibodeaux what the problem was. Thibodeaux told Boudreaux, "Well, me and Clothile done had our first fight last night." Boudreaux says, "Aw, dat's too bad. What y'all had a fight about?" Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, I told her a joke about de Pope." Boudreaux says, "Mais, Thib, why did you do that? You knows dat Clothile is Catholic." Thibodeaux replies, "Yah, I knew dat, but I didn't know de Pope was too."
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Groan Alert: Mrs. O'Malley arrives in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her bean soup has made her the talk of New England society. At a party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant, an old matron goes up to Mrs. O'Malley and says, "My dear girl, what is the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley says, "The secret to me soup is that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it." The woman says, "How come only two-hundred thirty-nine?" Mrs. O'Malley says, "Because one more would make it too farty."
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Mighty Mini Quiche Ingredients: 6 slices bacon, chopped 1 onion, diced into small pieces 3 eggs 3/4 cup buttermilk baking mix 1 1/2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley 2 cups shredded American cheese Directions: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease 2 mini muffin pans. In a large skillet over medium heat, fry bacon and onion together for about 5 minutes, or until bacon is crisp. Drain and crumble the bacon, then set aside. In a medium bowl, beat the eggs. Stir in the baking mix, parsley, shredded cheese, bacon and onion. Spoon mixture into greased muffin cups. Bake for 10 to 15 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the tops are lightly browned. Allow mini quiches to cool in the pan before carefully removing with a small knife or spatula. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
Is it a frog or is it a horse?
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, April 7 Remember what Easter is all about? That is why you get paid double-time for working Good-Friday. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
A school teacher asks her class, "What vegetable makes your eyes water?" replies, "A turnip, miss." "No ," says the teacher, "I believe you are thinking of an onion, aren't you?" "No miss," says , "Have you never been hit in the groin with a turnip?"
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Mac and Cheese Recipe -with Tomatoes The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. If you can't afford 2 cents per day, then you can't afford the ingredients for today's recipe anyway. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, April 6 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!Remember what Easter is all about? Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Diane buys a hundred goldfish. There are so many of them that she decides to keep them in her bathtub. One day she invites her friend over to see all her beautiful goldfish. Lauren is impressed, and remarks, "They surely are beautiful, but what do you do when you want to take a bath?" Diane replies, "I blindfold them."
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Pecan Pie DORM version The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. If you can't afford 2 cents per day, then you can't afford the ingredients for today's recipe anyway. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Ophelia
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, April 5
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Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
The minister dies and the congregation decides, after some time, that his widow, should marry again. Since it is a small village, the only available candidate is the local butcher, a simple, unpolished man. Reluctantly, since she was used to living with a bible scholar, she accepts. After the marriage, on Friday night just after taking a bath - the new husband tells his wife, "Look, my mother always said that before the beginning of the weekend it was a blessing to have sex." They do it and then on Saturday he tells her, "According to my father it is a blessing to have sex during the day before the Sabbath. There they go again, and when it is time to go to sleep he tells her, "My grandfather told me that one should always have sex on Sabbath night." Finally they go to sleep and when they wake up the next morning he tells her, "My aunt says that a Christian man always starts the Sabbath by having sex. So lets do it." Finally on Monday she goes out to the market and meets a friend that asks her, "So how is the new husband?" "Well, an intellectual he isn't, but he comes from a wonderful family
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna How to Make Pie Crust and Pecan Pie recipe to go in it The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. If you can't afford 2 cents per day, then you can't afford the ingredients for today's recipe anyway. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
Must have been a dozen people who sent me this picture!
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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, April 4 Facebook Accuses Yahoo of Infringing on Patents In responding to Yahoo's original intellectual property lawsuit, Facebook argued that the Web pioneer had violated patents that cover some 80 percent of its revenues last year, amounting to more than $4 billion. That should keep a few herds of lawyers profitably busy for a while! Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband's um... little sailor can't salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation, and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, "Listen, I don't do this for everyone, but since your husband's on his way out... Get this prescription, and put three drops in his milk before he goes to bed." The wife is very happy and thanks the doc profusely. Two weeks later, the doctor sees the woman and asks how it went. The lady blushes, smiles and says, "Well, I put thirty drops in his milk by accident, and well, we just need an antidote now to close the coffin."
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna DORM style Cheese Balls The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. If you can't afford 2 cents per day, then you can't afford the ingredients for today's recipe anyway. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Ophelia
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