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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, March 28 Liam Stacey, the jerk, who posted racial hatred and derogatory comments on Twitter, when Fabrice Muamba had a heart attack during a soccer match in England on March 17, got sent to jail for 56 days. He got caught, tried and convicted in TEN days.Liam Stacey being hauled out of court and into prison Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
While working as a volunteer at our local Boy Scout Council office, one of the professional staff -- who was wearing street clothes instead of her usual uniform -- was talking about the NATO phonetic alphabet. She said that she had learned it some years ago and proceeded to recite it. "Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta..." But, when she got to the letter "U," she stumbled and asked for help. I offered a hint: "What AREN'T you wearing today?" "Underwear?" she replied. ---------------------- U=Uniform
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Cinnamon Buns DORM VERSION The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. If you can't afford 2 cents per day, then you can't afford the ingredients for today's recipe anyway. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
Pretty horse!
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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, March 27 We almost had some rain today, but it did not warm up quite enough. The wind shifted directions, but stayed uncomfortably cold. Oh, well, it is bound to warm up next month. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
A woman was walking down the street when she was stopped by a man who was carrying out a survey. "Excuse me, Madam, we're doing a survey on peoples' attitudes towards sex." "Really!" said the woman smiling. "Could you please tell me what you think of sex on the television?" "Well," replied the woman, I used to quite enjoy it on the big, old TVs. They were always nice and warm. But these new flat TVs are totally useless!"
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Blueberry Cinnamon Rolls the Healthy Way The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. If you can't afford 2 cents per day, then you can't afford the ingredients for today's recipe anyway. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
Just a small oil leak
We got the munchies now!
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, March 26 Thank you for subscribing Jim in Adelaide! Welcome to the subscriber family! Half of the snow melted, and hopefully this week will be a bit warmer. According to british media, Madonna plans to run for US president. She has not officially announced a vice presidential running mate yet, but speculations are that she is negotiating with Trump. Trump would definitely change her platform and inject some common sense into it. Right now her platform is definitely a bit juvenile. But then, so was Obama's and he has no intention to ever honor his election promises. Madonna seems to be on the same track, promising whatever people want, just to get their votes. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Woman's Dictionary * Yes = No. * No = Yes. * Maybe = No. * I'm sorry = You'll be sorry. * We need = I want. * It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now. * Do what you want = You'll pay for this later. * We need to talk = I need to complain. * Sure go ahead = I don't want you to. * I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron. * This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. * I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper. * I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. * Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive. * How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate. * I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. * You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me. * Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Peachy Custard Pie DORM Version The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. If you can't afford 2 cents per day, then you can't afford the ingredients for today's recipe anyway. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, March 25 Thank you for subscribing Don! Welcome to the subscriber family! It didn't quite snow today, but sure was not very comfortable walking against the wind! Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Name the elements, Billy," instructed the teacher. "There's earth and there's air," began the boy, "and then fire and...er... water... and---oh, yes---fucking." The teacher gasped, then recovered herself. "That filthy thing you named, what ever made you include it?" "I overheard my mom telling one of her friends," answered Billy, "that when my dad gets to fucking, he's really in his element."
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Subscribe a friend to Ophelia Dingbatter's News! (They will receive a confirmation request) |
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Peachy Custard Pie The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. If you can't afford 2 cents per day, then you can't afford the ingredients for today's recipe anyway. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Since July 1, 2011,
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, March 24 Thank you for subscribing Jim! Welcome to the subscriber family! Just after I sent yesterdays newsletter to DearWebby and he fire it off, I got the news about that terrorist in France. Officially, they were trying to get him alive. Nobody knows why. Actually, they had over a hundred cops and soldiers around his welfare apartment, most in armored vehicles. Then they blew up one of his windows and went in there with a little remote control plane with a camera, but they could not see him, since he was in the washroom. So they laid some eggs, stun grenades, to flush him out. The bonehead jumped out the window, firing at the cops down below. He got one of them in the back of his leg, and scared another one into claiming PTSD. The soldiers hit him with sustained fire from large caliber high speed guns, and by the time he went splat on the sidewalk, he was quite dead. No parole for THAT idiot! Enjoy! Ophelia
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Selma and Irving receive an invitation in the mail. Since it was many years since they were invited anywhere, they read it with glee, very excited that hey were asked to attend a wedding. All was fine until they reached the last line. Confused, Irving asks Selma, "Selma, vat does this "RSVP" mean?" Selma was at a loss, as for the life of her, she simply couldn't remember. Finally, she cries out "Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"
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Zimbabwe
It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"
An RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) officer stopped to help a stranded rider standing beside a stalled motorcycle in the mountains. It was extremely cold, and the rider was heavily dressed in a helmet, balaclava and snowmobile suit. In a muffled voice, the rider told the Mountie that the carburetor was frozen. A motorcyclist himself, the Mountie remembered an old trick for just such an occasion. "Try peeing on it," the Mountie said, "That should thaw it." "Can't," replied the rider. So the helpful Mountie took out his own equipment and liberally hosed down the carburetor, and the bike soon fired up. A few days later, the local department received a thank you note from a father, grateful for the roadside assistance his young daughter had received from the RCMP.
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
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The old gas station The service station trade was slow. The owner sat around, With sharpened knife and cedar stick. Piled shavings on the ground. No modern facilities had they, The log across the rill Led to a shack, marked His and Hers That sat against the hill. "Where is the ladies restroom, sir?" The owner leaning back, Said not a word but whittled on, And nodded toward the shack. With quickened step she entered there But only stayed a minute, Until she screamed, just like a snake Or spider might be in it. With startled look and beet red face She bounded through the door, And headed quickly for the car. Just like three gals before. She missed the foot log __ jumped the stream The owner gave a shout, As her silk stockings, down at her knees Caught on a sassafras sprout. She tripped and fell __ got up, and then In obvious disgust, Ran to the car, stepped on the gas, And faded in the dust. Of course we all desired to know What made the gals all do The things they did, and then we found The whittling owner knew. A speaking system he'd devised To make the thing complete, He tied a speaker on the wall Beneath the toilet seat. He'd wait until the gals got set And then the devilish guy, Would stop his whittling long enough, To speak into the mike. And as she sat, a voice below Struck terror, fright and fear "Will you please use the other hole, We're painting under here.
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Bananas in Brown Sugar & Rum Sauce Ingredients 2 tablespoons brown sugar 1 teaspoon butter 1/2 teaspoon canola or safflower or olive oil 2 tablespoons dark rum 1 teaspoon lime juice 1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon 2 small bananas, quartered 1/4 cup low fat vanilla yogurt or whipped cream Directions: Stir brown sugar, butter and oil in a medium skillet over medium heat until bubbling. Add rum, lime juice and cinnamon and cook until slightly thickened. Add bananas and cook, stirring, until tender. Divide between 2 bowls and top with a dollop of low fat vanilla yogurt or whipped cream. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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