Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 10

Remember to set your clocks ahead an hour!
Somehow I always feel like the Government is stealing an 
hour of my sleep allotment. That makes me cranky,
usually at least until breakfast. If I don't have time for 
breakfast, that makes for a bitchy morning.
I'll get over it, though.

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked
the obstetrician solicitously.

"Nah," replied the mother to be.  "He and my husband
don't get along."



Dr Visit for a colonoscopy
I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. 

His new nurse , Evelyn , took me to an examining room 
and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor 
could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes. 

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. 
While waiting I observed that there were three items on 
a stand Next to the exam table: 
A Tube of K-Y jelly, 
A rubber glove 
And a beer . 

When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a 
little confused. This is my first exam I know what the K-Y 
is for and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell 
me what the BEER is for? 

At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and 
stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and 
yelled to his new nurse .. . . .. . . 

Darn it Evelyn !!! 
I said a BUTT LIGHT "




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After a sexual harassment incident at work Frank is sent to a 
psychiatrist for evaluation. The Doctor explains that he'll be 
showing Frank a series of ink blot images called Rorschach
Inkblots.

Doctor: "Now Frank, as I reveal each image tell me the first 
thing that comes to mind, okay?"

Frank: "Sure, I got it."

The doctor shows the first pattern.
Doctor: "What do you see?"

Frank: "A women with really big tits."

Next image.
Frank: "A man and a women doing it doggie style."

Next image
Frank: "Hey! She's going down on that guy."

The doctor puts down the images and says, 
"Frank, you seem to have an obsession with sex."

Frank: "Me! Hell Doc, you're the one with all the 
dirty pictures."



Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing 
a strong preaching on the devil.  One said to the other, 
"What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" 

The other boy replied "Well, you know how Santa Claus 
turned out.  It's probably just your dad!



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of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



Jeff and Linda are parked in Lover's Lane.  He embraces her
with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand.
Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching.
"Awwwww Hell!" Jeff murmured, "Fuzz!"

"What did ya expect?" Linda says, "A perm?"



RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna


Cheese Casserole DORM VERSON
 
Ingredients

1 KD package (Kraft Dinner) just the noodles
1/2 kg (1 pound) garlic ring sausage
1 tsp Basil
1 tsp Oregano
1 small can diced and spiced tomatoes
1 small can tomato paste
1 small can of steakhouse mushrooms or any cheap, sliced mushrooms
1 TBSP dried onion chips
1 TBSP dried chive bits
1-2 cups of cheeses. Shredded pizza cheese is OK too 
2 TBSP Cheeze Wheeze or similar spreadable cheesy stuff

Directions
Boil the noodles according to directions and drain.
Donate the package of chemo that comes with it to 
     sidewalk maintenace.
Cut up the sausage (quartered and sliced)
Fry sausage and mushrooms to drive off water and crisp them a bit
Add tomato stuff and spices and heat while stirring briskly

Cut whatever cheese you can find to small bits and mix with
the Cheeze Wheeze on some foil or plastic, from which
you can easily remove with a flipper or old credit card.

Turn down the heat and add the noodles while still stirring
When the mix looks reasonably even, spread the cheese stuff
on top. Cover and let it bake until the cheeses have all 
melted down into the noodles.

Uncover and let it cool enough, so that the cheese gets firm
enough for cutting pie shaped peices.that will hold their shape.

Leftover pieces can be wrapped in foil for freezing or trading.

This cheese casserole can also be made in an old-fashioned
casserole, not just  a dorm style electric frying pan hidden 
in a deskdrawer. 

It is traditionally enjoyed with wine from a rectangular 
cardboard container served in coffee cups.

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, March 7

We got over a foot on my side of Calgary. Not a big deal
in a sturdy pick-up, but the patches of ice under the snow
were tricky. Talk about sudden adrenalin rushes!

When you see somebody sail through an intersection backwards,
then you know it is a good idea to ease over to the side, 
and approach the intersection nice and slowly. 
The roads are crowned to shed water, so sliding against the
sidewalk curb always straightens you out.

And if you see somebody with wide show-off tires, pass
them quickly and let them have theri inevitable accident
somewhere behind you.

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


"Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?"
the suspicious wife sneered.

"No, I can't," the husband replied.  "I distinctly remember
taking my shirt off."



A high-priced call girl brings a customer to her fancy 
apartment. He admires the fancy furnishings and the art and 
asks how she was able to amass such splendor. She replies 
that those really were her father's, that he was a politician 
for forty years. 

He said, "How come you didn't follow in his footsteps instead 
of choosing this way of life ?" 

She sighed and said, "Oh, just lucky I guess. 
Besides, I had my moral standards to uphold. There are
some things that I refuse to do."




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Edna, and elderly woman walks into a sex store and says to 
the salesman, "Where are the dildos?"

The clerk says, "On the wall over there..." 

She looks and then points and says, "OOOOH, I want one of 
the red ones." 

The salesman says, " No, No, lady. The dildos are the ones 
NEXT to the Fire Extinguisher."



Little Johnny was staying with his grandmother for a
few days. He'd been playing outside for a while when
he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what
is it called when people are sleeping on top of each
other?"

She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him
the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Johnny just said, "OK" and went back outside to
play.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
"Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! 
I am not talking aboutscrewing. It's called bunk beds!"



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, and he called his grandson to his
bed. "Grandson, I wanna you lissin to me. I wanna for you to take my
chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns, ... how about leaving me your
Rolex watch instead."

"You lissin to me. Somma day you gonna be runna da bussiness, you gonna
have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of
bambini."

"Soma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with
another man. Whada you gonna do then? Pointa to da watch and say, ...
TIMES UP!"



RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna


Apricot - Chicken Drumsticks
 

Ingredients
Ingredients: 
2 pounds chicken drumsticks 
1 tablespoon peanut oil (if allergic to peanuts, use your 
    favorite cooking oil) 
1 12-ounce jar apricot preserves 
2 tablespoons peeled and minced gingerroot 
2 garlic cloves, crushed1/2 cup canned low-salt chicken broth

Instructions:
Heat the oven to 350. Rinse the chicken and remove the 
skin, if desired.
In a nonstick skillet, heat the peanut oil over medium-high. 
Brown the chicken on all sides. Remove from the pan and 
drain on a paper towel.
Place the chicken in a 9- by 13- by 2-inch baking dish. In 
a small bowl, mix the preserves, ginger, garlic, and chicken 
broth, then pour over the chicken.
Bake, uncovered, for 15 minutes or until the juices run 
clear and there are no traces of pink in the center. 

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












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