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Good Morning 
It's Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Winsconsin Fleabaggers are still being a nuisance, 
but seem to be getting concerned, that too much attention 
is paid to teachers, tenure and seniority, and that the next 
attack is going to be about educational results.

Obviously, when teachers have tenure and security based 
on seniority, regardless of the results they achieve, or 
fail to achieve, the system's effectiveness and efficiency
deteriorates. Even other union members realize that, 
plus they are more than a bit fed up about the teacher's 
short work days and frequent holidays are complicating 
everybody else's life. Ask any parent, who works until 5 PM
and whose kids get out of school at 3 or 3:30, and who have
one or two extra days per month off, that the parents don't
get.

Considering that the US does not score very high in education
when compared to other countries, and the fact that less than
one per thousand TEACHERS would be able to pass a 1950
Grade 8 final exam, they definitely can't use logic to support
their case. Using economic terrorism by the few but noisy
is or has already gone out of fashion.

In Providence, RI, Mayor Angel Taveras fired about 2000
teachers. Sure, those, who have achieved acceptable
results, will get hired back, under new terms.

Old tenure and seniority mean nothing for new hirees under
a new contract, but to get their cushy 9 - 3 jobs back, they
will sign on the dotted line.

It will be interesting to see, how many other mayors and states
will follow her example!

Enjoy
Ophelia


 
Please, help me stay online!

	




Since 1/1/11


 571 Subscribers.             Countries


According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was
faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were
beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the
bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their
lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving
dozens of little lip prints.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls, who used lipstick, to the bathroom 
and met them there with the custodian. 

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a 
major problem for the custodian who had to clean 
the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult
it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to
clean one of the mirrors.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the
toilet and then cleaned the mirror.

Since then, there haven't been any more lipstick 
marks on the mirror.



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A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly after
this started, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his
wife to know, he gave the nurse a large sum of money and
asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.
He replied "Just send me a postcard and write "Spaghetti"
on the back."

Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and
flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife
called him at the office and explained "Dear, you received
a very strange post card in the mail today and I don't
understand what it means."

The doctor said "Just wait until I get home and read it
and I will explain it to you".

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard,
fell to the floor with a heart attack - and died .

So the wife picked up the card and read "Spaghetti,
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti ! Two with meatballs,
two without".





Click through the picture to the large version.

 


A young man is visiting his Grandfather in the nursing home.

How are you grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific! Just wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"It couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care
of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"
"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10
o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra
tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled - and a little alarmed by this, so
he rushes off to question the Sister in charge. "What are
you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an
85-year-old man Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't
be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we
give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works
wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the
Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."



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Dear Webby's Humor Letter


Q.: What should a guy do when her girlfriend forgets to take her birth
control pills?
A.: Give her a good tongue-lashing.

-----------

Q.: What do you call a woman that does everything you want in bed?
A.: Girlfriend....just don't tell your wife.

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Good Morning 
It's Wednesday, March 2, 2011

A surprising number of readers wrote me that the goofy looking 
plane yesterday is an Orlyonok Ekranoplan from the Soviet 
Union. It worked, but with that kind of goofy styling, it never
got beyond prototype phase.


Israeli's Gadhafi remix is an Arab hit 
TEL AVIV, Israel (UPI) -- A parody of Moammar Gadhafi's rants 
is a YouTube hit in the Arab world -- even though it was made 
in Israel. 

Noy Alooshe, 31, an Israeli journalist and musician, told The 
New York Times he watched the Libyan dictator's speech 
vowing to hunt down opponents "inch by inch, house by house, 
home by home, alleyway by alleyway," and saw its potential. 

He used Auto-Tune to set the speech to the music of "Hey Baby," 
a hip-hop number by an American, Pitbull, and titled it 
"Zenga-Zenga," echoing Gadhafi's repetition of the word zanga, 
Arabic for alleyway. 

Alooshe uploaded the remix to YouTube Wednesday, and began 
sending it to the pages of young Arab revolutionaries via Twitter 
and Facebook. Right now, as I write this, it has  530,000 visits.

Alooshe did not identify his nationality on the clip, and 
when people discovered his identity from his Facebook profile, 
some Arabs turned against him. 

But he said most reactions have been positive, and a Libyan 
told him that if and when the regime falls, liberated Libyans 
will dance to Zenga-Zenga. 

One Web surfer wrote in an Arabic forum, "What's the problem 
if he's an Israeli? The video is still funny." 

There are quite a few edits of it on the net already. 
You can see the original here:Zenga-Zenga

Don't expect a musical masterpiece, after all, it's just short clips
of selected words and sentences from Ghadafi's speeches modified,
exagerated, speeded up and patched over the Karaoke version of "Hey Baby".

The "Sexy Girl" version is also rapidly rising in popularity.

His buddy looks worried about when somebody will do the same
to his speeches:


Enjoy
Ophelia


 
Please, help me stay online!

	




Since 1/1/11

 571 Subscribers.             Countries



A man goes to a psychiatrist and tells him, "Doc, I
think I have an obsession with sex." The doctor decides
to give him an examination by showing him various
drawings and asking him what he sees.

The doctor draws a square and asks the man to identify
it. The man quickly responds, "Sex." Next the doctor
draws a circle which the man again identifies as sex.
Third, the doctor draws a triangle which of course the
patient identifies as sex.

The doctor puts the drawings away and says to the man,
"I do believe you have an obsession with sex."

The man replies, "I'm not the one with the obsession!
You are the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"



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Cindy said:  "I come from a wealthy divorced family.
My mom's wealthy, 
my dad's divorced."




Click through the picture to the large version.

Uh OH!!!

 


The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't
keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he'd near
about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.

When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a .. well .
. . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a
secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of
embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man
-- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability.
Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "

The repairman gulped and could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the
door . . ."

"Yes yes!"

"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"



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Dear Webby's Humor Letter

What do they call condoms in Tyrol?

Wienerhosen

(I heard that is true, and that Tyrolers do NOT like people
from Wien, their country's capital and seat of Government)

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Good Morning 
It's Tuesday, March 1, 2011

We had a mean blizzard most of the day, with very poor visibility.
I am glad Barb, DearWebby's secretary for the last ten years,
till he ran out of money, went and got his car keys, basically 
putting him on house arrest. This weather is definitely not 
suitable driving weather for somebody on medication.

Right now it's -32. Very cold start of March! 
Definitely no Gullible Warming around here. 

I am still amazed at how many, otherwise reasonably sane, 
people fell for that scam, and some STILL believe those lies! 
Why?
Too hard to admit, that they have been fooled, or do they 
simply enjoy making me feel guilty for farting or driving 
a big old GMC truck?

Well, I wouldn't mind driving a newer and smaller one. 
I heard those have floor boards! But right now, that's not 
in the budget. Actually, concrete mesh and a bunch of
coconut fibre door mats work pretty well. 
I am not complaining. It's a good ol truck!

Enjoy
Ophelia


 
Please, help me stay online!

	




Since 1/1/11


 571 Subscribers.             Countries


One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class
that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who
answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in
the beach?"

Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in
the sky?" and again no one could answer.

Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow
answer the question and get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny
takes 20 Ping-Pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings
them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the
teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to
the floor sending the Ping-Pong balls rolling to the front of the room.

Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing,
the entire class starts laughing.  The teacher says, " Okay, who's the
comedian with the black balls?"

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and yells, "Bill Cosby, see ya on
Tuesday!"



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Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four
years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing
their virginity to each other in 10th grade.

When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same
college, but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East
Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast.

They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend
anytime they could together.

As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would
never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to
return the letters.

Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his
messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to
date around. He didn't take this very well and increased
his calls, letters, and e-mails trying to win back her love.

She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now
with a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.
So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of
her and her new boyfriend doing the nasty in her dorm room,
and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, 
"I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone."

Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even
more so, he was pissed!

So, what he did next was awesome. He got a girl in his class to 
write on the back of the photo the following, 
"Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, 
please send more money! I'm getting pretty
desperate!" 
and mailed the picture to her parents.





Click through the picture to the large version.

What Is THAT Thing ?

 


This guy who stutters badly, walks into a bar, and says,
"Ssay! Bbbartender, gggimme a bbbeer".
The Bartender, who is badly humpbacked, serves him a beer
and says, "That will be $4.50 please."

The guy thinks that's pretty high priced and says, "Ddddamn! Ttthat's
hhhigh!" The Bartender says, "Yes, but that's our price." 

The guy pays him and drinks it down. He then says, 
"Sssay! bbbartender, gggimme a wwhiskey ppplease." 

The bartender serves him a shot of whiskey and says,
"That will be $9.00 please." 

The guy says, "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!"
The Bartender says, "Yes, but that's our price." 

The guy pays him, drinks his whiskey and, before leaving says, 
"Bbbartender, tthanks for nnot mmmaking fffun of my 
ssstuttering wwwhile I wwas in hhhere." 

The bartender replies, "Oh that's OK. I want to thank you for 
not making fun of my humpback while you were in here. 

"The guy says "Oh ttthat's OK. Eeverything else in tthis ppplace 
wwas so hhhigh, I ttthougt it wwas yyour ass."



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of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter


Grandpa was showing Little Johnny around the farm. When they came to the
corral, he explained, "That's a bull and a cow, and he's serving her." 

A little later on, he said, "That's a stud and a mare, and he's serving
her." 

That night at supper, after everyone was seated and grace was
said, Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, 
"Will you please serve the turkey?" 

Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "If he does I'm eating a
hamburger!"

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Good Morning 
It's Monday, February 28, 2011

I want to send my best wishes for a speedy recovery to DearWebby.
Pneumonia plus COPD is pretty serious stuff! I would be in hospital
moaning and groaning and feeling sorry for myself.

Had to laugh about his reminisces about how they used to drain lungs
in the Yukon. I just know where he would hang on, if given half a
chance! I doubt, though, that those quaint methods are still
being used today. They too probably use drugs nowadays.

Enjoy
Ophelia


 
Please, help me stay online!

	




Since 1/1/11


 568 Subscribers.             Countries


A little boy and a little girl were walking in the forest. The
little girl noticed that some of the animals were behaving oddly.
"Little boy, why is that rabbit on top that other one"? she asked. 

The little boy stops to consider his answer, and replies, 
"they're making cigarettes". 

"Cigarettes"! she says, as they countinue walking along.
Pretty soon they approach a couple of racoons. The little girl asked,
"are they making cigarettes too"? 

"Yea," says the Little boy. The little girl looks around and says 
"It looks like all the animals are making cigarettes today." 

"Why don't we make cigarettes?" she asked. The little boy
was quick to say, "Ok"! A short time latter the little boy and the
little girl were walking out of the woods, when she asked, "Little boy,
what kinda cigarettes did we make"? 

The little boy stops to think about his answer, then replies,
"Well if you get a hump in your belly it's a Camel, 
and if you don't it's a Lucky Strike".



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Two couples were playing cards.

Eric accidentally  dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down
under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was
not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Eric hit his head on the
table and emerged redfaced.

Later when Eric went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Sandy
followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you
liked?"

Eric admitted, "Well, yes I did."

She said  "you can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two, Eric indicates that he is interested.

She tells him that since Dave works  Friday afternoons and Eric doesn't,
that Eric should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Eric went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the
$100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Eric
left.

Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Eric come by this
afternoon?"

Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."

Next Dave asked, "Did Eric give you $100?"

Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' Reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did
give me $100."

"Good," Dave says. "Eric came by the office this morning and borrowed
the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home
and pay me  back.  It's so good to have a friend you can trust."





Click through the picture to the large version.

Ersfjordbotn

 


An Eskimo's snowmobile goes on the fritz. He takes it to a
mechanic, who, after examining the vehicle, says, "I think
you've blown a seal."

To which the Eskimo replies, "No, that's just a little ice
on my mustache."



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Dear Webby's Humor Letter


There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an
old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they
threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking
the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a
bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They
searched the area for something larger and came upon a
railroad tie. With great difficulty , the two men carried it
to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit
bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into
the hole!

The guys were still standing there with astonished looks
upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man
walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat
anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped
into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, 'Oh
no. That couldn't be *my* goat, mine was tied to a railroad
tie.'

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Good Morning 
It's Saturday, February 26, 2011

So far nobdoy found $5 worth of coins in the couch.
Did your spouse confiscate your allowance ?

One gent inquired about the cost of updates for his site.
Jim, included in that, of course, is favorable mention in here,
and a nice, permanent link!

Enjoy
Ophelia


 
Please, help me stay online!

	




Since 1/1/11


 568 Subscribers.             Countries


Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public
swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said
the lifeguard. "I'm going to kick you out."

"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.

"May be," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving
board!"



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Little Benny came home from his first day of school and said,  "Mommy,
the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers and  sisters who
will be coming to my school." 

"That's nice of her to take such an interest in your family, Dear. 
What did she say when you told her that you are the only child?" 

She just said, "Thank goodness!"





Click through the picture to the large version.

 


Sitting in the bar a man asked his friend, "You're 40 years old. How
come you are not married?"

His friend replied: "I just haven't found the right woman yet.

The man then asked, "What's the right woman like?"

The friend thought for a moment and said, "She's got to be real pretty,
love to screw, be a good cook and house keeper. She also has to 
have a really good personality, lots of money and a big house."

The first man snorted, "A woman like that would be crazy to marry 
an idiot like YOU!"

His friend answered, "That's OK, I don't care if she's crazy"



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of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter


A modest man was in the hospital for a series of test. One
of the last tests has left his system upset. Upon making
several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest
was another. But he completely filled his bed up with human
waste and was embarrassed beyond anything he could possible
face.

Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the
bed sheets and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunkard was walking by the hospital when the sheets
landed on him. He started yelling, cussing and swinging his
arms which drew the attention of the security guard.

The security guard asked, "What's going on here?!?!?"

And the drunk replied, "I just beat the shit out of a
ghost!"