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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, January 22 Thank you, Catherine! If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me! Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election! Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Aunt Mary, a spinster of 92, had finally consented to go to a rest home, but strictly on a two-week-trial basis. Consequently, she took a small overnight case with only the bare essentials. A couple of days later her niece was surprised to get a phone call from her demanding more clothes. "Please bring me that good black silk, my lavender print, the brown wool..." and she went on and on. Finally after a brief questioning from her niece, Aunt Mary expostulated: "There are MEN in this place!"
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, January 21 The weather finally warmed up to near seasonal values, -18 After a week of -30, that is almost comfortable! If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me! Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election! Enjoy! Ophelia
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A question had appeared in a students' medical examination which read: "List four benefits of breast milk." A student began to answer the question: 1. No need to bottle it. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. But the fourth point eluded him. When there were barely a couple of minutes before the exam ended, the fourth point flashed to his mind. So he completed the answer by writing: 4. Available in very attractive containers.
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From Mike: I was driving into the old historic section of town and found Tim, one of the bartenders at The River City Grill curled up on a curb alongside the road in tears. I stopped the car and hollered over to him, "Hey, Tim, what the hell happened to you?" Wiping away his tears, he moaned, "Look at my new convertible!" He pointed to a crashed car down the street, wrapped around a tree trunk. "Shit, man, don't cry. Get the insurance settlement and just buy another car," I level-headedly advised. "Look inside the car," Tim moaned. After looking, I continued to console him. "Aww, dude, don't worry! You can always find another lover." Tim looked at me and wailed agonizingly, "Look inside the mouth!"
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
try the newsletter of my friend and coach, Dear Webby Dear Webby's Humor Letter |
A very outgoing and honest 7-year-old girl calmly admitted to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. Her mother gasped and said, "How did that happen?" The little girl said, "It wasn't easy, but three other girls helped me catch him and hold him down."
"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician solicitously. "Nah," replied the mother-to-be. "He and my husband don't get along."
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, January 20 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!-27. The only thing, that is going up, is the electrical bill. If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2.7 cent per day newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me! Hopefully I don't have to pause until after the election! Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
An office manager had money problems & had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill. He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait & see who would leave work the earliest, and both employees stayed until after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack so the manager thought he would simply be honest and ask her advice. He went up to her and said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off." Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off - I'm late for my bus."
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Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
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If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online! |
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, January 19 The threat of tossing Al Gore into a volcano seems to have helped. It warmed up to -28. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the Jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her boobs, and between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the damn jar open."
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you have to subscribe to the full version.
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Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
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If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online! |
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
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Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, January 18 -33 No Gullible Warming at all! This is not funny anymore. Do we have to toss Al Gore into a volcano, to pacify Mother Nature? Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Two ancient occupants of a geriatric nursing home were discussing the merits of this "new-fangled" support pantyhose. "Well, I don't like them," said the first old dear, "Every time I fart, I blow my slippers off."
Cruising for a rude awakening!
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you have to subscribe to the full version.
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Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
|
If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
|
ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online! |
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
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Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
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