|
Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
|||
 |
 |
Subscribe |  |
Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, January 6 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!Four more days, and my second job will be finished. While the people, whom I owe money, liked it, I am going to feel like I was on vacation, when I am down to just seventy hours a week. Sure am looking forward to it! They cleaned the trees and overturned trucks off the streets. Traffic has returned to normal, but most of us do keep a wary eye on any tree, that sways in the wind. Enjoy! Ophelia
 |
Please, help me stay online!
|
In her own eyes, Esther was the most popular girl around. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." "Really ?" said her date, "And just how many men do you intend to marry?"
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter >>sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says. "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
|
Subscribe a friend to Ophelia Dingbatter's News! (They will receive a confirmation request) |
Click through for the big version
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early on Christmas morning." Finally, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says " Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I patted my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, 'Take an extra sweater, it's probably quite chilly out on the golf course'."
|
For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
try the newsletter of my friend and coach, Dear Webby Dear Webby's Humor Letter |
"I'm telling you, Carol, I've never been happier, " Betty told her friend. "I have two boyfriends. One is just fabulous...handsome,sensitive, caring and considerate." What in the world do you need the second one for?" Carol asked?" "Oh," Betty replied, "the second one is straight."
One cold January day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth. Once inside the house, he complained of being thirsty. The woman handed him an enormous white crockery mug filled with milk. After taking a big swig, the guest exclaimed, "This is sweet and fresh ... you are most generous!" She replied modestly, "It's nothing. My family wouldn't drink that milk because we found a dead rat in it." Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both hands over his mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and shatter on the stone floor. The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air, brought it down on the visitor's head, and hollered, "Get out, you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let you share my fire, I give you milk to drink ... and now you repay my kindness by breaking the children's potty chair!"
Bad Dog!
|
ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online!
|
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News | |
 Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
|
| permalink |
( 3.1 / 137 )|
Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
|||
|
|
Subscribe | |
Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, January 3, 2012 Sounds like a nice and rambunctious Chinook outside. Quite likely I'll find another plastic lawn chair or two snagged on my porch railing when I get home. Enjoy! Ophelia
|
|
Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
"Daddy, how was I born?" Dad answered: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said You've Got Male!
you have to subscribe to the full version.
|
Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
|
If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
|
ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online! |
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
|
Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
|
Large Font Version |
| Subscribe |
|
|
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011 |
78205
| permalink |
( 3.1 / 143 )|
Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
|||
|
|
Subscribe | |
Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, January 2, 2012 Enjoy! Ophelia
|
|
Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Two old ladies were rocking in their chairs on the nursing home porch. One says "Martha, do you remember the minuet?" Martha answers "Heck, I don't even remember the ones I slept with."
you have to subscribe to the full version.
|
Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
|
If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
|
ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online! |
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
|
Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
|
Large Font Version |
| Subscribe |
|
|
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011 |
78029
| permalink |
( 3 / 131 )|
Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
|||
|
|
Subscribe | |
Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, January 1, 2012 Happy New Year and all the best for 2012! Enjoy! Ophelia
|
|
Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
An overweight man was waiting in line at a bank. There were two teenage boys in line behind him. They were giggling and making fun of how fat the man was. After five minutes of this the man turned to the boys and asked them politely to stop, as he couldn't help his weight problem. With this the boys asked: Oh, and why are you so fat Mister? The Man turned around and replied: "Well, every time I screwed your mother, she gave me a cookie."
» Creative Sculpting
Texting and parking don't mix!
you have to subscribe to the full version.
|
Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
|
If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
|
ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online! |
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
|
Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
|
Large Font Version |
| Subscribe |
|
|
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011 |
77887
| permalink |
( 3 / 119 )|
Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
|||
|
|
Subscribe | |
Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, December 31 Thank you, Francis! Enjoy! Ophelia
|
|
Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
A swimming instructor at a Los Angeles university was quizzing a group of students on Red Cross life saving and water safety techniques. They answered all of her questions easily until she posed this one: "Which article of clothing would you remove last if you were thrown from a boat or dock fully clothed?" Everyone mentioned something different. It was evident that no one knew the correct answer, so the instructor helped out. "The blouse," she said, "because the air gets under the blouse and acts like a buoy!" The subsequent uproar ended the class.
» Creative Sculpting
Texting and parking don't mix!
you have to subscribe to the full version.
|
Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
|
If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
|
ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online! |
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
|
Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody. |
|
Large Font Version |
| Subscribe |
|
|
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011 |
77713
| permalink |
( 2.9 / 135 )Back Next
Avatar
