Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, January 31

The ice and packed snow on the side roads is starting
to melt in the traditional End-Of January warm spell,
before it gets nasty around mid February.

If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day
newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me!
Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election!

Enjoy!
Ophelia



Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 


Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!



From Chris:
I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so.  I went in to buy
a package of condoms.  There was a beautiful woman behind the counter,
and she could see that I was new at it.

She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one.   I
honestly answered, "No."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over her thumb.

She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.  I apparently
still looked confused.  So she looked all around the store.  It was
empty. She said, "Just a minute," and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room,  unbuttoned her blouse
and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.  She asked, "Do
these excite you?"

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.   She
then said, it was time to slip the condom on.  As I was slipping it  on, she
dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk.  "Well,
come on," she said, "we don't have much time."   

So I climbed on her.  It was so wonderful that unfortunately, I could no 
longer hold back and pow, I was done within a few minutes. 

She looked at me with a frown.  "Did you put that condom on?" 

I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.






Ooops!
Eggner Ferry Bridge Hit By Delta Mariner Ship In Kentucky





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you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

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Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, January 30

Temperature went above freezing and walking outside was
actualy quite nice for a chenge, especially in areas, that 
were sheltered from the wind.

If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day
newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me!
Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election!

Enjoy!
Ophelia




Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 


Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!



A young couple took their two-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather
small wee wee. After examining the child, the doctor confidently
declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem." 

The next morning, when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was 
a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. 

"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?" 

"Just take two," his mother replied. "The rest are for your
father." 




Can you spot the 3 people in those beans?

Hot, wild girls




3 beaners revealed






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Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, January 29

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, January 29

-9 and windy. Not comfortable at all walking against the 
wind. The consolation is that the wind is picking the snow
up from lawns and sidewalks, and hauling it towards 
Ontario and Illinois, on the other side of the prairies.

If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day
newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me!
Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election!

Enjoy!
Ophelia



Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 


Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!



A pretty woman, carrying a stack of boxes from a shopping spree, was
walking down the street when all of a sudden a strong wind lifts her
skirt. The hillbilly standing nearby just looked and smiled. The woman
snaps at him, "Well, I can see that you're no gentleman!" The hillbilly
says, "And I can see you ain't one, either!"




Hot, wild girls







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Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, January 28

"My golden rule is to have a big fat camera man. 
I can't outrun a bear, but I can outrun that camera guy."
--- Jeff Corwin, nature show host

If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day
newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me!
Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election!

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


Four catholic mothers were having coffee together 
discussing (bragging) how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest.  When he 
walks into room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a 
bishop.  Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 
'Your Grace'."

The third catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put 
you down, but my son is a Cardinal.  Whenever he walks 
into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.

The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied, 
male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, 
the women say, 'Oh my God'....."



On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went
straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother
and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old
having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church
bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow
and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned
ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"



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Click through for the big picture

 


The sculptor and one of his students went out for coffee after
class. "You have the most delicate, slender hands," said the
student, a rather gorgeous young thing. "Forgive me for saying
it, but they belong on a woman." 

Not only did he forgive her,
he obliged.



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby


Dear Webby's Humor Letter



This man is at work one day when he notices that his male
co-worker is wearing an earring.  This man knows his co-
worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious
about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

"Yo, Bob, I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Oh, yeah, sure," says Bob sheepishly.

"Really? How long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car!"



Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"

Taurus: "I'm hungry. Pass the pizza before we do it again."

Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"

Cancer: "When are we getting married?"

Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"

Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."

Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."

Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."

Sagittarius: "Don't call me I'll call you."

Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"

Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"

Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"










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ophelia@dingbatter.com	Please help me stay online!
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning, !

Today is Friday, January 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



We had a nice and rambunctious Chinook, that hauled a few
billion tons of snow from here to Ontario and Illinois. It will
arrive in about 5 days.

The fairly warm Chinook, warm here, before it looses all
that as it picks up moisture racing across the prairies, 
is now being chased by a nasty north Wind.
That might get really nasty when it crosses the Great Lakes.
If you are in Ontario or Illinois, you might consider this
a good time to either go on vacation, or invest in a snow blower.


If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day
newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me!
Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election!

Enjoy!
Ophelia





Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 


Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!



The preacher got up in church one Sunday morning and told
the congregation, "Brothers and sisters, we are going to
have to do something about people parking behind the church
at night. I was out there this morning and there are enough
beer cans out there to build a car."

One of the old sisters stood up and said, "Amen brother and
enough rubbers to put tires on it."










Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

     82413