Monday, August 20, 2012, 06:15 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 20
Assange, the pathetic loser, who got asylum in Ecuador,
is now whining, that the US should end their "witch hunt" and
stop investigating his theft of data.
The slime-head totally misses the point. He conned two women
in Sweden into having sex with him by promising to use a condom,
and then removed the condom during the act.
He needs to go to jail for that for a long time.
Trials about publishing stolen data can come later.
No rush. Nobody will be forgiving him for that.
Those trials WILL come. Sure, "revolutionary" minded kids think it
was a neat stunt to steal all that info and publish it,
but they too will grow up and not want THEIR info published.
By the time Assange goes to trial on that, his supporters will
have switched from immature bean spillers to grown up
privacy fanatics. And he is going to be in deep shit.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Please, help me stay online!
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A rabbi was making a deposit at a bank. When he took out his wallet to
get the money, the bloke next to him sees it and says, "Boy, that's a
really nice wallet. Where'd you get it?"
"I made it myself," the rabbi replies. "The material is of the finest
quality, my friend."
"No kidding," says the bloke. "What's it made of?"
"Well," explains the rabbi, "after I perform circumcisions, I save the
flaps of skin and sew them into wallets. These wallets are very useful
when travelling."
"Really? Why's that?" asks the bloke.
The rabbi grins. "All I have to do is rub the wallet and it turns into a
suitcase!"
The teacher had caught little Johnny gambling several times.
She requested a conference with Johnny's dad who admitted
that he also had tried to break Johnny of his gambling habit.
After many failed efforts, Johnny one day (after school) called
the teacher a hypocrite. "Why do you say that, Johnny," she
asked.
"Because you are." Again she asked, "why."
He said, "Because you're not a true blonde."
She demanded to know how much money Johnny had.
It came to about $50. She bet him $50 dollars
she was a true blonde. She went behind her desk and
removed her panties.
Then she stood with her back to the door and pulled her
dress up showing her radiantly blonde pubic hair.
Afterwards she called the father and told him what she had
done "in Johnny's best interest."
The father moaned and groaned and cried, "Oh, no," numerous
times.
The teacher said, "Look, I did this for Johnny. Do you think
it was easy for me to pull up my dress and show Johnny my
pussy? I'd think you'd be understanding instead of critical!"
The father replied, "Oh, I'm not so upset that you showed
Johnny your pussy, it's just that..."
"Just that what?" the embarassed teacher asked.
The father replied, "It's just that I decided to break Johnny
of betting myself, and this morning I bet him a hundred dollars
that he was wrong when he boasted that before the day
was over, he'd have you lifting your skirt and showing
him your pussy."
Click through the picture for full size
Myrna went in to see a therapist in London and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed
and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting
yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't
see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have
a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has
ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks
and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate
rendezvous in the dental clinic after hours.
But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop
seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious."
"No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him.
"Besides, we've been meeting here for six months now and he
doesn't suspect a thing."
"True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!"
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
ROASTED VEGETABLES IN PASTA SAUCE
Ingredients:
2 lbs. fresh Roma or paste tomatoes
1 can whole Italian tomatoes in sauce
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
5 whole cloves garlic
1/4 tsp. red pepper flakes
1 large onion, thinly sliced
1 pepper, cored and chopped
1/4 cup fresh basil
1/4 tsp. dried oregano or 1 tsp. fresh
1 stem Rosemary
1 lb pasta
1 tbsp. salt (for pasta cooking water)
Parmesan or Romano cheese of your favorite.
*Salt & Pepper to taste
Directions:
Wash and cut red-ripe tomatoes in half.
Arrange on a baking sheet with cored chopped pepper,
whole cloves of garlic, thinly sliced onion and herbs.
Pour olive oil over all and toss to coat. Sprinkle with
salt and pepper.
Roast in a preheated 350°F for about 40 minutes.
Check occasionally and remove any ingredients that are
beginning to brown; transfer to a large saucepan with
Italian tomatoes or skillet. Be careful not to burn the
garlic or herbs. Leave the herbs on the stem for easy
removal.
When all ingredients are transferred to the saucepan,
including olive oil from baking sheet,
add 1/4 cup red wine and simmer for 15 minutes.
(Before adding the garlic, press or puree it.)
While sauce is simmering, cook your favorite pasta,
per directions.
Pour sauce over pasta and sprinkle with grated
cheese, if you like.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
1108
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Sunday, August 19, 2012, 05:30 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 19
The lawsuit agasint FaceBook about them making 60 Million
bucks or more by using people's names and pictures without
their knowledge in advertising, is not going to be settled for
$20 M just yet.
Half of that was supposed to go to the lawyers of the
plaintiffs, but they want more than that. So Judge Seeborg
rejected the proposed settlement and basically turned the
whole thing into a research project. The lawyers are happy,
FaceBook investors are not, and FaceBook users wonder what
kind of sneaky advertising gimmick to worry about next.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are
"the seven dwarfs," they get ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack.
"Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any
dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for
a moment and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns
in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling. Dopey
turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back to face the Pope. "Your Worship, are there
any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers,
"No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."
This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again,
Dopey turns around and silences them all with an angry glare.
Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there
ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing,
pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as
they begin chanting: "Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed
a penguin!"
Two African-Americans decided to go moose hunting in Canada
so they packed up their equipment into their Caddy and drove
north to the border. When they arrvied at the border the guard
asked them why they were visiting Canada and they told him
they were going moose hunting ...so he wished them
good luck and they continued on their journey.
After a couple of hours of driving they saw an area that
looked promising so they drove their Caddy deep into the
bush. They stopped and got their guns out of the trunk
of their Caddy and began to walk through the bush.
After just a couple of minutes of walking they saw movement
in the bush and one turned to the other and asked "Is that
a moose?"
The other replied "I dunno, never saw one before!"
So not knowing what to do, they shot at it and 19 shots later,
it stopped moving. They loaded it into the back of their Caddy
and returned to the border. The surprised border guard
asked why they were back so soon and they told him that
they had already got their moose.
So he asked to see it and one of them went to the trunk
of the Caddy and popped it.
The border guard was very surprised to see a dead raccoon
in the trunk. He said "that isn't a moose!"
So the guy asked what it was.
The guard replied "well its what many people in your state
call you dark skinned gentlemen!"
The guy screamed over to his buddy, "Hey Leroy, come over
heah, we got us a 'mutha-fucka!"
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Click through the picture for full size
Pooch Tanning Salon
Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the
secret I told you not to tell her."
"Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell
you I told her."
"Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that
she told me."
The pastor of our church began his sermon with this story:
"I was on a plane last week, from Chicago to California,
when we ran into some very severe turbulence.
As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed,
and even the flight attendants began to look concerned.
Finally, one of them noticed that I had 'Rev.' in front of
my name on the passenger list, came over to me, and said,
'Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could,
I don't know...do something religious?'"
"So I took up a collection."
"My stomach has been bothering me, Doctor," complained
the patient.
"What have you been eating?" asked the doctor.
"That's easy. I only eat pool balls."
"Pool balls?!" said the astonished doctor. "Maybe that's the
trouble. What kind do you eat?"
"All kinds," replied the man, "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and
orange ones for lunch, blue ones for afternoon snacks, and purple
and black for dinner."
"I see the problem," said the doctor. "You haven't
been getting any greens!"
A naive couple got married and celebrated their first night together
doing what newlyweds do, time and time again - but with the lights off.
Morning came, the groom went to the bathroom but found no towel when he
emerged from the shower.
He asked his wife to bring one from the bedroom. When she opened the
door, she saw his naked body for the first time. Her eyes went up and
down and, about midway, they stopped and stared.
She asked shyly, "What's that?" pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's
what we had so much fun with last night."
And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
DORM STYLE Easy Chocolate Cream Pie
Ingredients:
1 frozen pie crust
1 can condensed milk
Can filled with water
1/8 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cinnamon
3 flat TBSP sugar
2 heaped tsp cocoa
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3 heapedTablespoons of BIRDS CUSTARD mix
__________
1 square semi-sweet chocolate, busted up
Directions:
Heat top ingredients to boiling. Stir frequently.
Mix the custard powder with a little bit of water, just
enough water to make a smooth paste.
Pour paste into near boiling milk and stir
Add busted chocolate and keep stirring
When it is nice and smooth and getting thick,
pour it into the pie shell.
Let it cool completely.
Serve chilled.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
1105
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Saturday, August 18, 2012, 05:08 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 18
We seem to have finally gotten summer weather.
The guys are all grinning, because the girls are shedding the
cold weather clothes and showing off their cleavages.
Compliments are up and the general mood is too.
There is a lot of good natured joking about Gullible Warming,
but few take it seriously. When somebody does, they get
instantly shut down with the question: "How many kids did you
see tube down the river?"
"Uh, duh, the water is still too cold this year. In my day, we
were tubing all through August."
Right. This man-made Gullible Warming cools down the rivers,
and increases the ice pack in the Antarctic. You better stop
farting around!
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Vell, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Lena went
every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and
Easter and once in awhile he went on one of the other Sundays.
On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and
he noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was. Vhile dey were
taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said,
"Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New Ulm next
Friday?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.
Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up
his old Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the
finest restaurant in New Ulm. When they sat down, Ole looked over
at Lena and said,
"Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School
class?"
Vell, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after
dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of
cigarettes.
"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?"
"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School
class?"
Vell, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he yust got in
his Ford and vas driving Lena home ven dey passed the Hot Springs
Motel. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had
nothing to lose.
"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel
with me?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.
Vell, Ole couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then
and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the
motel and checked in vith Lena.
The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying there
in the bed, her blond curls on the pillow. "Vat have I done? Vat
have I done?" thought Ole. He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena,
I've got to ask you von ting," said Ole. "Vat are you going to
tell your Sunday School class?"
"Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don't have to
smoke or drink to have a good time!"
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing
her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very
difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,"
she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of
pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse
me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Click through the picture for full size
Pooch Tanning Salon
>From Rick
Our instructor was lecturing about self-examination of the breast or
testicles when a female student asked another male student and me if we
ever got an erection while we did self- examination of our testicles.
We answered that it was possible that we had. You know, you don't
really want everyone to know when you get aroused.
She then asked, "What do you do about it?"
We said in unison, "Nothing, why?"
She then said, "You mean you go around with a hard penis
all day?"
We said: "Nah, no way!"
She then stated, "You mean a man's penis will go down without
having an orgasm?"
We both said: Yes, sure, no problem."
At which time she said, "I'm going to kill my husband!"
Your Honor," she told the judge, "I want a divorce.
My husband has been cheating on me.
"That is a serious accusation," the judge said.
"Do you have any evidence to substantiate this
claim of your husband's infidelity?"
"Yes, Your Honor. Just last night I was walking down
Broadway when I saw him go into a movie with another
woman."
"Who was this other woman?" the judge asked.
"I don't know. I never saw her before." "Then why
didn't you follow them into the theatre and find
out who she was. It may have been just a harmless
coincidence. You should have gone in after them."
"I would have," she explained,
"but the fellow I was with had already seen the picture."
Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy when he noticed the
brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked.
"Nope," Jimmy replied.
"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked.
"Nope."
"You didn't steal it did you?"
"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the
other night when they were on the job. Dad gave me his
watch to get rid of me."
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and
extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to
get one for himself.
That night he waited outside his parents' room until
he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.
Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode
into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke,
turned and asked him angrily, "What do you
want now?"
"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.
"Well, stand in the corner and keep quiet then,"
said his father
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Zucchini Bread
Ingredients:
3 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 cups sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
4 eggs, beaten
1/3 cup water
2 cups grated zucchini
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 cup chopped walnuts or pecans
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
In a large bowl, combine flour, salt, nutmeg, baking soda,
cinnamon and sugar.
In a separate bowl, combine oil, eggs, water, zucchini
and lemon juice. Mix wet ingredients into dry, add nuts
and fold in.
Bake in 2 standard loaf pans, sprayed with nonstick spray,
for 1 hour, or until a tester comes out clean.
Cool a few minutes before serving.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
Rhub00rb
1099
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Irish Lasses fall for that!
Friday, August 17, 2012, 05:22 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
New oil import stats show that because Obama's buddy Chavez
has reduced oil production, US imports of heavy crude from
Saudi Arabia have increased 20%. Saudi heavy crude is not
very desirable, as far as oil refineries are concerned. It is OK
for ship fuel and asphalt, but is very poor in the volatiles
necessary for gasoline and especially for jet fuel.
Considering that the Government needs high gasoline and
Diesel prices, becasue that means their cut amounts to more
money, don't expect prices to drop in the foreseable futrue.
Except for asphalt.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Please, help me stay online!
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If you upset your wife/husband, she/he nags you.....
If you upset her/him even more, you get the silent treatment.
Don't you think it's worth the extra effort?
A couple is watching ''Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.''
The husband winks and says, ''Honey, let's go upstairs...''
The wife says, "no".
The husband asks again, and again she says no.
The husband asks, ''Is that your final answer?''
The wife says yes!
The husband says, ''well, then I will phone a friend!''
Click through the picture for full size
Under The Storm
If every time you sneezed you had an orgasm, what would you
take for it?
Either ragweed or pepper
If a woman is a nympho, what does that make her husband?
Tired
What is one draw back to oral sex?
The view
"Personal ads" in the Dublin News
Heavy drinker,35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a
man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and
starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by long-time fiancie,
seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in
this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
Ginger haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty
after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes,
maybe more.
Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the
arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a
lovely chest.
Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and
dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering
cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for
the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.
Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed
supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin
sister.
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Apparently Irish lasses fall for that kind of ads!
Six months after a waiter died, his widow went to see a
medium, who promised she would contact the man in
the great beyond.
During the seance, the widow was sure she saw her
husband standing in the corner, dressed in his waiter's
outfit. "Arnold!" she cried. "Come closer and speak to me!"
A ghostly voice drifted from the corner... "I can't.
It's not my table. I'm in the Smoking section."
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Blueberries and Walnut Wheat Germ Muffins
Ingredients:
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup wheat flour
1/2 cup oatmeal (ground in coffee grinder for finer consistency)
1/4 cup flax seed (grounding up is optional)
1 cup wheat germ
2 tsps baking powder
1 tsp salt
----------------------
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1 egg (beaten)
1/4 cup canola oil
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup molasses
1 cup skim milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup blueberries
Directions:
Preheat oven to 400.
In a large bowl, combine dry ingredients
(from top down to salt). Stir in walnuts. In a medium
bowl, beat together egg, oil, honey, and molasses.
Beat in milk and vanilla extract. Add liquid ingredients
to dry, stirring just until mixed. Gently fold in blueberries.
Line muffin cups with cupcake papers, and divide batter
among cups. Bake for 18-20 minutes, or until a toothpick
inserted into center comes out clean and tops are lightly
browned. Remove from oven and let cool for a few
minutes before putting on a rack to cool.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
1097
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Thursday, August 16, 2012, 05:23 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 16
Thanks for renewing, David!
Facebook is going to try another silly advertising stunt.
They will package ads to make them look like newsfeeds,
and insert them, when a user hapens to use a trigger word.
If you mention, that you gave somebody the boot, they will
insert a shoe ad packaged to look like a news item.
The last time they tried a silly stunt like that, they got
sued big time, and wound up shutting that effort down
after less than two years.
The silly "Time Line" gimmick, that few people really
understand, including me, is supposed to prepare you for
the new ads. Well, so far I have not even had time to read
up about that "Time Line". Guess I better budget some time
for that.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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An American girl was visiting England and was invited to a
party. While dancing with a stuffy monocled Englishman, her
necklace became unfastened and slipped down the back
of her dress.
She asked the Englishman to retrieve the jewelry piece for her.
He was very embarrassed but wishing to comply with her
request he reached cautiously down the back of her gown.
"I'm terribly sorry," he said, "but I can't seem to reach it."
"Try further down," she said.
At this point he noticed that he was being watched by
everyone in the room, which made him feel most uncomfortable
and he whispered to the girl, "I feel such a perfect ass."
"Never mind that!" she cried. "Just get the damn necklace."
An American couple, on vacation with some friends, in
Mexico was shopping at the market to bring back a few souvenirs. The
time passed and the couple realized that neither of them were wearing
watches. They noticed a little Mexican man laying down taking a siesta
next to a mule, with the largest set of testicles they had ever seen.
Trying not to stare at the huge mule nuts, they asked the little Mexican
man, "Excuse us, could you tell us what time it is?"
The little Mexican man reaches his hand out under the
enormous set of nuts lifting them high and says "It's
3 o'clock."
Amazed by this, the American couple go off to find their friends and
tell them the amazing story. "This little Mexican man over there, can
tell time by lifting his mule's testicles!"
Curious and amazed by this, the friends want to see first
hand, so they go back and ask him what time it was.
Sure enough, the little Mexican man reaches out again,
cups his hands under the mule's nuts, lifts them up as
if to weigh them and says, "It is 3:15."
Their friends check the time on their watches and sure
enough, the little Mexican was correct.
Blown away by this, finally the American couple asks,
"It is just amazing, how do you do that?"
"Do what?" the Mexican asks
"Tell the time by lifting your mule's balls!"
"Ah," says the Mexican..."You sit here, I'll teach you"
So the man sits down, the Mexican tells him to lift the mule's
nuts.
"Now," says the Mexican, "Can you see that big church
clock across the street?"
Click through the picture for full size
Sculptured Garden
>From Liz
One fine day, I was about to enjoy an "afternoon delight"
with a gentleman I knew. We'd been at it pretty hot and
heavy on the couch when someone knocked at my door.
I got up to peek out, and saw that it was no one of importance,
but when I looked back, my gentleman friend was GONE!
Calling his name, I finally found him standing in my bathroom,
on the side counter, still totally nude, but holding his
sneakers in one hand.
"What on Earth are you doing standing here holding
your shoes?" I asked.
"Well," he answered, "I didn't know whether I might
have to run!"
Dumb ass amateur, and leave his clothes behind?
Q: How many cute guys does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
A: If you're in the dark with a cute guy,
why worry about the lights?!
Women are looking for Mr. Right.
Men are looking for Mrs. Right Now.
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing; I'm all out of breath.
Darn,I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way.
Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having
trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Tortellini Alfredo
Ingredients:
1 (16-oz.) jar Alfredo pasta sauce
1 1/4 cups water
1/2 teaspoon dried basil leaves
1/4 teaspoon pepper
2 (9-oz.) pkg. refrigerated cheese-filled tortellini
1 (14-oz.) pkg. Green Giant Select® Frozen Broccoli Florets
Directions:
In large bowl, combine Alfredo pasta sauce, water, basil
and pepper; mix well with wire whisk. Stir in tortellini and
broccoli. Spoon into ungreased 11x7-inch (2-quart) glass
baking dish. Cover with foil; refrigerate at least 8 hours or
overnight.
Preheat oven to 350º (180º C)
Bake covered for 45 minutes.
Uncover baking dish; stir well.
Cover; bake an additional 15 to 20 minutes or until bubbly
and thoroughly heated.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
1092
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