Monday, July 9, 2012, 04:43 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Moday, July 9
Congratulations to these friends for re-subscribing:
Catherine
Jim
Leonard
David
Mary
Larry
Some of you need to Renew your subsciption!
The automatic renewal you had set up with PayPal had to be
stopped, because the IRS wanted me to charge you tax.
Since they just use that money against you,
DearWebby vetoed that and set up a fresh account, that they
can't touch. Just go to SUB and click yourself another year
of subscription.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Please, help me stay online!
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Jill, ever the gracious hostess, was serving drinks at one
of her parties. A friend of hers brought his brother who
had just been ordained a Priest. She offered the friend a
drink from the tray and said, "I'm sorry Father, I'll go right
back to the kitchen and bring you a coke."
The Priest smiled and said "No need to. I may have
alcohol. Priests abstain from sex, not the grape."
"Oh !" said Jill blushing, "So that's it. I knew it
was one or the other, that I wasn't supposed to offer you."
O'Leary showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost
fell down when he saw him. O'Leary had never been seen in
church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught O'Leary and said "O'Leary, I am s
o glad you decided to come to Mass, what made you come?"
O'Leary said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back,
I misplaced my hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that
Shaunassy had one just like mine and I knew that Shaunassy
came to church every Sunday.I also knew that Shaunassy had
to take off his hat during Mass, and I figured he would leave it
in the back of church.
So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal
Shaunassy's hat."
The priest said, "Well, O'Leary, I notice that you didn't steal
Shaunassy's hat. What changed your mind?"
O'Leary said "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10
commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal
Shaunassy's hat."
The priest gave O'Leary a big smile and said "After I
talked about Thou Shalt Not Steal, you decided you would
rather do without your hat than burn in Hell, right?"
O'Leary shook his head and said "No, Father, after you
talked about Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,
I remembered where I left my hat!"
Thanks to mom for this picture:
Click through the picture for full size
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see
her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual
questions, about symptoms, how long had they
been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him:
"Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my
patients these kind of questions: I can tell
what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down,
told her to take her clothes off and lokoed her up and
down some more, kneaded, squeezed and prodded here and there
much like a vet does with an animal, that has some mystery
ailment, wrote out a prescription. He handed it to her and
said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work,
we'll have to have you put down."
A really fat guy got out of the shower at the health club.
A second guy said, "Gee, you're fat!"
The fat man said, "Yeah."
The second man asked, "How long has it been since you've
seen your dick?"
The fat man answered, "Long time."
The second man asked, "Why don't you diet?"
The fat man replied, "Why? What color is it now?"
"I'm finished with Judi!" Jimmie exclaimed to his Jon.
"What'd she do?" Jon asked.
"She told me she was . . . bisexual!"
"Man. That bothers you that much?"
"Hell yeah!" Jimmie shouted, "Who wants to get laid just
twice a year?"
The union leader running for a senate seat was at a
news conference.
A reporter jumped up and asked, "Your secretary announced
this morning that you have a tiny penis. Would you comment
on this?"
"The truth is," he said, "that she has big mouth."
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Chicken Piccata, Mushrooms on Pasta
Ingredients:
6 ounces whole-wheat angel hair pasta
1/3 cup all-purpose flour, divided
2 cups chicken broth
1/2 teaspoon salt, divided
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
4 chicken flat pieces, (3/4-1 pound total),
trimmed (or use Shrimp or you favorite fish)
3 teaspoons olive oil, divided
1 10-ounce package mushrooms, sliced
3 large cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup white wine
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
2 tablespoons capers, rinsed
2 teaspoons butter
Directions
Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add pasta and cook
until just tender, which is approximately 4 to 6 minutes or
according to package directions.
Drain and rinse.
Meanwhile, whisk 5 teaspoons flour and broth in a small
bowl until smooth. Place the remaining flour in a shallow dish.
Season chicken with 1/4 teaspoon salt and pepper and dredge
both sides in the flour.
Heat 2 teaspoons oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat.
Add the chicken and cook until browned and no longer pink in
the middle, 2 to 3 minutes per side. Transfer to a plate; cover
and keep warm.
Heat the remaining 1 teaspoon oil in the pan over medium-high heat.
Add mushrooms and cook, stirring, until they release their juices
and begin to brown, about 5 minutes.
Transfer to a plate. Add garlic and wine to the pan and cook until
reduced by half, 1 to 2 minutes. Stir in the reserved broth-flour
mixture, lemon juice and the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt. Bring
to a simmer and cook, stirring, until the sauce is thickened,
about 5 minutes.
Stir in parsley, capers, butter and the reserved mushrooms.
Measure out 1/2 cup of the mushroom sauce. Toss the pasta
in the pan with the remaining sauce. Serve the pasta topped
with the chicken and the reserved sauce.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
No man should ever make this noise!
981
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Sunday, July 8, 2012, 05:37 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, July 8
Thanks Dwayne!
Thanks Francis!
Some of you need to Renew your subsciption!
The automatic renewal you had set up with PayPal had to be
stopped, because the IRS wanted me to charge you tax.
Since they just use that money against you,
DearWebby vetoed that and set up a fresh account, that they
can't touch. Just go to SUB and click yourself another year
of subscription.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Please, help me stay online!
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A man was in the hospital recovering from an
operation when a nun walked into his room. She was
there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man
and nun started talking and she asked about his
life. He talked about his wife and 13 children.
"My, my," said the nun, "13 children....you're
a good, proper Catholic family. The Lord is very
proud of you!"
"I'm sorry, Sister," he said, "I am not Catholic.
I'm Jewish."
"Jewish!?" she replies. "Hmmm....you're a sex
maniac, aren't you?"
Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment.
Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and
regular attention? What's your excuse?"
Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc."
Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I
gave you no such order."
Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me."
Click through the picture for full size
Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down and use a lubricant.
>From Sharon
You have been selected to play "So You Wouldn't Mind Being a Kosher
Millionaire - You Should Only Live So Long." You have three lifelines to
help you, as follows:
1. You may call your Rabbi for his opinion.
2. You may ask the congregation for their opinion.
3. You may consider your spouse's opinion ... or not.
Bonus lifeline! Whether you ask for it or not,
your Mother will give you her opinion.
For $100:
Q. What is the name of the Russian Space Station that
crashed and burned on reentry?
A. Oy Veys Mir
For $200:
Q. How does a Jewish woman call her family to dinner?
A. All right, everybody get in the car.
For $500:
Q. Who is Israel's favorite Internet provider?
A. Netanyahoo.
For $1,000:
Q. What is the name of a facial lotion made for Jewish women? A. Oil of
Oy Vey.
For $2,000:
Q. What is the title of the new horror film for Jewish women? A. Debbila
Does Windows
For $4,000:
Q. What is the technical term for a Jewish woman who catches her husband
in the act with his secretary? A. "The Plaintiff."
For $8,000:
Q. How does a Jewish kid verbally abuse his playmates?
A. "Nyah Nyah, Your Mother pays retail."
For $16,000:
Q. In the Jewish doctrine, when does the fetus become human?
A. When it graduates from medical school.
For $32,000:
Q. What do Jewish women do to keep their hands soft and nails long and
beautiful? A. Nothing.
For $64,000:
Q. Define "Genius."
A. A "C" student with a Jewish mother.
For $125,000:
Q. How do you know when a Jewish woman is about to have an orgasm? A.
She puts down her nail file.
For $250,000:
Q. When should a Moyel retire?
A. When he can't cut it anymore.
For $500,000:
Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
A. A fur coat.
For $1,000,000:
Q. What is the difference between a Jewish Grandmother and an Italian
Grandmother? A. The accent.
Q: What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
A: A Sham Rock
Q: Have you heard about the Irish boomerang?
A: It doesn't come back, it just sings songs about how much it
wants to.
A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you've got to do
something about my husband - he thinks he's a refrigerator!"
"I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replies.
"Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass."
"But you don't understand," the woman insists.
"He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps
me awake."
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
SWEET POTATO CASSEROLE
Ingredients:
6 or 7 cooked mashed sweet potatoes (baked or boiled,
use small or medium potatoes with no bruises on them)
1/4 cup butter
1 egg
4 tablespoons brown sugar
3/4 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1/2 cup freshly squeezed orange juice
1 teaspoon grated orange zest
1/2 cup pecan halves for topping
salt to taste (optional, I do not salt this recipe)
Directions
Combine all ingredients in a bowl: except the egg and
the pecan halves (topping).
Taste the mixture and adjust your salt and sugar if needed.
Stir in egg.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
970
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Saturday, July 7, 2012, 05:06 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, July 6
Some of you need to Renew your subsciption!
The automatic renewal you had set up with PayPal had to be
stopped, because the IRS wanted me to charge you tax.
Since they just use that money against you,
DearWebby vetoed that and set up a fresh account, that they
can't touch. Just go to SUB and click yourself another year
of subscription.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Please, help me stay online!
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
--- Groucho Marx
When a man brings his wife a gift for no reason,
there's a reason.
--- Molly McGee
>From Tanya
When one of the hookers passed away, the girls moped
disconsolately around the house. "Good old Gloria," lamented
one. "She could handle twenty men a night, drink a fifth of
whiskey and still have the strength to roll five drunks."
Hearing this, one of the others burst into tears. "Why is it,"
she sobbed, "that a girl has to die before anyone says
anything nice about her?"
Click through the picture for full size
"I always worry when you leave for a weekend with the guys," sobbed the
pretty young wife. "Don't worry about me, babe, " he soothed her.
"I'll be back before you know it."
"I know," she sighed. "That's what worries me."
Two friends are discussing the possibility of love. "I
thought I was in love three times," one friend says.
"How so?" his friend asks.
"Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted
nothing to do with me."
"Was that not love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was obsession. And then two
years ago I deeply cared for an attractive woman who
didn't understand me."
"Was that not love?"
"No," he replies. "That was lust. And just last year I
met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She
was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere I
followed her on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit
of my stomach."
"Was that not love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was motion sickness."
The wife appeared before the judge and said, "I want a
divorce from that jerk over there."
The judge said, "Why do you want the divorce?"
"Because he's a terrible lover."
The judge asked, "How long have you been married?"
"Fourteen years," she replied.
"I don't understand. Why did you wait fourteen years
to divorce your husband for being a terrible lover?"
She said, "Because, your Honor, until this insurance
salesman stopped by my house last week, I didn't know."
A newly-married couple came home from their honeymoon and
moved into the upstairs apartment they'd rented from the groom's
parents.
That night, the father of the groom was awakened from his
sleep by his wife. "Tony, listen!" she whispered.
He listened. Upstairs, the bed was creaking in rhythm.
The wife said, "Come on, Tony! Let's make love!"
So Tony climbed on top of his wife, and did his duty.
As he was trying to fall back asleep 15 minutes later,
the bed upstairs started creaking in rhythm again.
"Come on, Tony!" said the wife.
"Let's make love again!"
Once again, Tony climbed on top of his wife and
did his duty.
As he was trying to fall back asleep 15 minutes later, the
bed upstairs started creaking in rhythm again.
"Come on, Tony!" said the wife. "Let's do it again!"
So Tony grabbed a broom and pounded on the ceiling
as he shouted, "Hey, kids, cut it out! You're killing your
old man down here!"
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Peppered Salmon with Spinach
Ingredients:
2 salmon fillets
1/4 cup dry white wine
1 cup chicken broth or vegetable broth
1/4 teaspoon white pepper
salt to taste (if chicken broths are not salty enough)
1 medium onion, peeled and very thinly sliced (leeks would be a nice variation too)
2 Tablespoons of freshly cracked black pepper
(or 1 1/2 teaspoons ground black pepper)
2 Tablespoons olive oil
One Bunch of spinach, stems cut off, washed and dried
Directions
In a baking dish, combine chicken broth, white pepper, and
wine. Remove half of this liquid mixture to another bowl to
use later to saute spinach. Add onion and salmon to the
baking dish with the remaining half. Cover and chill both
the salmon and the reserved marinade for 30 minutes
to 2 hours.
Spread your cracked pepper on a plate. Remove the
salmon and onion from the marinade. Press the pepper
into both sides of the salmon fillets. In a large skillet,
heat olive oil to medium heat. Add onion and cook until
soft, about 5 minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon.
Increase the heat to about med-high. When your olive
oil is almost smoking, place salmon flesh side down
in the skillet and cook until browned, about 10-12 minutes.
When salmon is just cooked through, remove from the
skillet.
Add spinach, onions, and reserved marinade to your
skillet and cook until the spinach is just limp, take
about 3 to 4 minutes..
Place spinach and onion mixture on the dinner plates
and then place the salmon on top of the spinach and
onion. Spoon a little of the sauce over the salmon
and serve.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
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Friday, July 6, 2012, 07:21 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, July 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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>From Don
When we moved into our new home, the first one we owned
rather than rented, two of my husband's friends gave him a
bottle of champagne. In the hustle and bustle of getting settled,
the gift was tucked away and temporarily forgotten.
Three months later we held a Christening party for our third
child. Champagne flowed in celebration until, running short,
we remembered our housewarming gift. In front of our guests,
I opened the attached card and read it aloud,
"Donald, take good care of this one. This one is yours!"
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked
the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver
jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long,
painful groan.
He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease
up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't
have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious."
"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what
happened to my trailer and the boat and six cases
of beer in it?"
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Click through the picture for full size
No, that is not her. She does not ride any more.
Two women friends had gone for a *Girls Night Out*, but had been
over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking
home they needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them
suggested they do their business behind a head stone or something. One
of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she'd take off her
knickers and use them, then throw them away. Her friend however was
wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers
but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on
one of the graves and proceeded to wipe herself with that.
They then made off for home. The next day one woman's husband phoned the
other husband and said "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My
wife came home last night without her knickers."
"That's nothing" said the other "Mine came back with a card stuck
between the cheeks of her bum that said 'From all of us at the Fire
Station. We'll never forget you'.".
Pierre and Boudreaux was flying to Mardi Gras. Boudreaux was flying da
plane, and Pierre was in da back when da plane started bouncin around
and knocked Boudreaux unconscious.
Pierre got worried when da plane started driftin, and come up to da
front to find Boudreaux sprawl out all over da steerin wheel. Well,
Pierre don't know nuttin bout flyin so he grab da microphone and holla
"May Day! May Day!
Dis is Cajun Air Line 90210. Boudreaux, him knock unconscious an I don
know nuttin about flyin dis plane!"
"Dis is da control tower," someone answer. "Don you worry 'bout nuttin.
We gonna splain you how to land dis plane, step by step. Furst, how high
you are, an whas you position?"
Pierre thought a minute, "I'm five foot ten an I'm all da way to da
front of dis plane. "No! No!" answer da tower. "What you altitude, an
where you location?" Pierre say, "Man, rat now ah got a po attitude, an
I'm from Lawzeeanna!" "No! No!" came the exasperated voice. "Ah needs to
know how many feet you got off da ground and you planes relation to da
airport!"
Pierre, he really be panicking by dis time. He say firmly, "Counting
Boudreaux's feets an mine togedder, we got fo feet off da groun! An I
don believe dis plane be related to you airport!"
A long pause in da Control Tower--de silence was deafaning and then the
voice come back-- "We needs to know who be you next of kin.."
Nina completed four weeks of dental restoration with the dentist. She
confided to her best friend Rosey that she had fallen in love with
her dentist and she was going to propose to him.
Rosey said, "Nina, you're 34 years old, you're beautiful, you have
dozens of men that adore you. Why is this dentist THE man for you?"
"Because," explained Nina, "he is the first man that ever said to me
-- 'SPIT, don't SWALLOW'."
Ole lived across river from Clarence whom he didn't like at all. They
all the time were yelling across the river at each other.
Ole would yell to Clarence, "If I had a vay to cross dis river, I'd come
over dere an beat you up good, yeah sure ya betcha by golly!"
This went on for years. Finally the state built a bridge across the
river right there by their houses.
Ole's wife, Lena, says, "Now is you chance, Ole, vhy don't you go over
dere and beat up dat Clarence like you said you vould?"
Ole says, "OK, by yiminy I tink I vill do yust dat".
Ole started for the bridge but he sees a sign on the bridge an he stops
to read it, then he turns around and comes back home.
Lena asked, "vhy did you come back?"
Ole said, "Lena, I tink I change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence,
you know, dey put a sign on da bridge dat says "Clarence is 13 ft. 6
in." You know, he don't look near dat big vhen I yell at him from across
da river"
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Gluten Free Cranberry Bread with Nuts
Ingredients:
2 cups gluten free flour (use even amounts of sorghum,
tapioca, and brown rice or Teff flour.)
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon xanthan gum
1 Tablespoon orange zest
3/4 cup orange juice, freshly squeezed
1/4 cup butter or butter substitute, melted
2 eggs
1 cup whole cranberries
3/4 cup walnuts + 1 cup walnuts chopped-
(3/4 cup for batter and another 1/4 cup top of bread before baking)
1/3 cup raw sugar to sprinkle on the top
Directions
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
In a medium sized bowl, sift all the dry ingredients together.
Mix all the liquid ingredients together in a separate bowl.
Add the liquid ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix
until just moistened.
Add the whole cranberries and 3/4 cup of chopped walnuts.
Spoon the batter into a greased loaf pan (top with the 1/3 cup
raw sugar and more walnuts if desired).
Bake for about 45 minutes. Once the bread is fully baked,
let it cool for about ten minutes, in the pan, before turning
it out on your cooling rack.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
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Thursday, July 5, 2012, 04:12 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, July 5
Watch the news for action in Ukraine!
The Pro-Russian side of their parliament tried to force
through a bill by using bar room brawl tactics, for example
pushing MPs away from their voting consoles and pushing
voting buttons for them. Naturally, a lot of people are
getting rather uptight about it all, which is rare for Ukraine.
Even the Femen, a group of topless female protesters,
rarely draw more than a hundred protesters to stad with them,
but now things are heating up quickly. The protesters seem
to have just as much teargas as the cops, and it's getting
noisy.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Morris and his wife were vacationing in Hawaii when a violent earth-
quake occurred at 3 AM. As soon as morning came, the man went down
to the hotel lobby to read the newspaper about what had happened.
As he was reading the newspaper, a local gentlemen step up and ask
him if he had felt the earthquake during the night.
"I sure did. My wife and I are here on vacation from the mainland,
and I have felt other earthquakes, but I have never felt a quake
like that one, it was terrible. I thought the building was going
to come down on us."
The guy asks, "What were you doing during the earthquake?"
"Gee, I was having the best sexual performance of my life as that
earthquake was happening."
"Is that right?" "And what did your wife think about it?"
Morris said, "Well, it damn near woke her up!"
I was about to leave the coin laundry when the owner,
an old friend, called me over and asked if I would
mind dropping off her's cousin's laundry, cuz her
cousin was eight months pregnant and can't get out."
I cheerfully agreed as it was on my way home. and
drove to the address, and knocked on the door.
A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi,
there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?"
Holding up the white bundle of laundered clothes, I
said, "I have a delivery for her."
The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes got as wide as
saucers, as she shrieked!. -"Mom,!! come quick! It's
the stork!"
Click through the picture for full size
Maureen is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children.
Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.
A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has
another 22 children with her second husband.
After the last child is born her second husband also dies.
Within a month Maureen is engaged to be married a
third time.
Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maureen
as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,
"At last, they're finally together."
A man standing next to the priest asks,
"Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maureen and
her first husband, or Maureen and her second husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her legs."
NAMING THE FATHER FOR CHILD SUPPORT IN ENGLAND
The following are all replies that British women have
put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for
listing the father's details:
These are 'genuine' excerpts from the forms.
01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins,
child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to
the identity of the father of child B, but I believe
that he was conceived on the same night.
02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my
child as I was being sick out of a window when taken
unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list
of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
03. I do not know the name of the father of my little
girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand
Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met
that night. I do remember that the sex was so good
that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the
father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.
04. I don't know the identity of the father of my
daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by
my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can
contact BMW service stations in this area and see if
he's had it replaced.
05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a
letter from the Pope confirming that my son's
conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen
again.
06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he
informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that
would have cataclysmic implications for the British
economy. I am torn between doing right by you and
right by the country. Please advise.
07. I do not know who the father of my child was as
all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that
he was a Royal Green Jacket.
08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do
catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my
AC/DC CDs?
09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was
conceived at EuroDisney - maybe it really is the Magic
Kingdom.
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing
that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program
about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed
in and watched more TV rather than going to the party
at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained
unfertilised.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my
baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't
be sure which one made you fart.
In Texas it is illegal to have sex with a fish, in Florida it is
illegal to get a fish drunk, and N. Carolina thought both
laws were good, so there it is illegal to have sex with a
drunk fish.
The dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent
phone call. It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had
gotten himself into quite a fix. "See, he was kissing his girlfriend,
and when my wife and I came back from the movies we found
them stuck together."
"I'll come right over, Mr. Tuckerman," said the dentist calmly,
"and don't worry about a thing. I have to unlock teenagers'
braces all the time."
Mr. Tuckerman whispered, "Yes, but from an IUD?"
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Real Irish Soda Bread
Ingredients:
4 cups all purpose flour
1/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons shortening
1/2 cup raisins
1 tablespoon caraway seeds (I omit these at times)
1 &1/4 cups buttermilk
1 egg, lightly beaten
2 tablespoons butter, melted
Cinnamon-sugar
Directions
In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder,
baking soda and salt.
Cut in shortening until mixture is crumbly. Stir in raisins
and caraway seeds.
Combine buttermilk and egg; add to the crumb mixture.
Turn onto a lightly floured surface and knead gently 5-6 times.
Divide dough in half and shape into two balls.
Place on a lightly greased baking sheet.
Pat each ball into a 6-in. round loaf. Using a sharp knife,
cut a 4-in. cross about 1/4 in. deep on top of each loaf.
Brush with butter and sprinkle with cinnamon-sugar.
Bake at 375 for 40 to 45 minutes or until golden brown.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
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