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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, June 22 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!Welcome Michel! The first person in a long time to be smart enough to come in out of the rain! If you use your wife's or your hubby's PayPal to subscribe, don't be surprised if the subscription goes to THEIR address! You have to tell me, what address it goes to, if it is a different one from the PayPal address. The same goes, if you have a PayPal account with an old Yahoo address, that still works for short PayPal notices, but routinely trashes any and all subscriptions, and have all your subscriptions go to your Gmail address. You have to tell me what address you want the subscription to go to! By the way, there won't be a Saturday issue. DearWebby, who sends out my newsletter, has to go for injections into his eyeballs, and won't be able to see well enough. Sunday's issue should get out at near the regular time. Enjoy! Ophelia
Chandler wasn't too happy with his doctor's recommendation to cure his constant fatigue. "You want me to give up sex completely, Doc?" he cried. "I'm a young guy. I'm in the prime of my life. How do you expect me to give up sex and go cold turkey?" "Well," replied the doctor, "you could get married and taper off gradually."
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While listening to an oldies radio station, a seven-year-old evidently got the 60's mixed up with the 21st century. Instead of singing along, "Goin' to the chapel/ And we're gonna get married," I heard him sing, "Goin' to the chat room/ And we're gonna get married."
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Click through the picture for full size I don't know how official that is, but they say "please". So, since it is warm enough, ....
Dad and my mother had exchanged numerous phone calls all day to arrange for the arrival of family members from far away. Their plan finally set, Dad made his way to a board meeting. Meanwhile, Mom had come up with a better plan. She called my dad at work and insisted that his secretary deliver the message to him immediately. The secretary entered the boardroom and announced, "Excuse me, Mr.Harbert, but your wife just called with an urgent message. She said to tell you that she's figured out a new way to do it."
These three English guys are out drinking one night and decide that they want to have a fight. They stagger from pub to pub looking for a likely victim to pick on when they come across a single Irishman in this one bar. "Watch this." Says the first Englishman, heading over toward the guy, "I hear that St Patrick was a shift lifter." "Really?" Says the Irishman, calmly continuing to drink. With that the second English guy decides to join in, "Yeah, and I hear he was a pervert too." "Is that so?" the still calm Irishman responds. "I know how to rile this tosser." Says the third Englishman, staggering toward the Irishman, "Hey, did you know St Patrick was really an Englishman?" The Irish guy casually looks up and says, "Yeah, so your mates were telling me."
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A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her clothes, he notices a green "M" on her belly. "Do you have a friend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a boyfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna DORM STYLE Spaghetti Carbonara Ingredients: 1 pound spaghetti noodles 4 tablespoons soft butter 4 TBSP bacon bits 1 TBSP hot garlic and pepper flakes 1 tsp salt 1/2 tsp Italian pepper 1/2 tsp oregano 1/2 tsp basil 4 eggs 4 TBSP parmesan cheese 1 tsp dried parsley flakes Directions Boil spaghetti, when soft (al dente), drain. Don't rinse! Put the spaghetti into a very hot pyrex or ceramic casserole. Drop in butter, bacon-bits, spices and stir gently until the butter is melted. Beat the eggs and the parmesan till frothy pour over the spaghetti and stir it in. Put the casserole into a hot oven for 5 - 10 minutes until the eggs are set. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, June 21 Thank you, Francis! Enjoy! Ophelia>From Nan There was a bit of confusion at the grocery this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down facing me." Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as he had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that he was referring to my debit card. I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!
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"Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes." The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?" "I push them away!" "I see. And what can I do to help you with this?" The patient implored, "Please, please,... Break my arms!"
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Click through the picture for full size If you step over that line, Cat, there is going to be trouble!
At the retreat, Judy and John were told to individually write a sentence using the words "sex" and "love." Judy wrote, "When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, just like John and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one another." John wrote, "I love sex."
Cindy asked Monika, "What happened to your last boyfriend?" Monika shrugged. "You know how men are supposed to be, like, 'hunters' and we women are supposed to be, like, 'gatherers'?" "Uh huh." "Well, he couldn't hunt enough money to keep up with my gathering."
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One guy was explaining to his friend how the life often compensates for a person's natural deficiencies. "You see," he said, "If someone is a bit blind he might have a very good sense of hearing, or if his sense of taste has gone, he may have a keen sense of smell." "I agree with you," said the other. "I've always noticed that if a woman has one smaller breast, the other one is always just that little bit larger."
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Spaghetti Carbonara Ingredients: 1 pound spaghetti noodles 4 tablespoons soft butter 1 pound bacon (or 1 pound ham), diced 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes (or 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper) 3 garlic cloves, minced 4 eggs, beaten 1 cup parmesan cheese, grated (or 1/2 cup dried Parmesan in a can) 1/4 to 1/2 cup half & half (or 1/4 to 1/2 cup cream 2 tablespoons parsley (or 1/2 teaspoon dried parsley flakes) Directions Add spaghetti to boiling water; when soft (al dente), drain & rinse. Drop in butter, stir, keep warm & set aside. While spaghetti is cooking, fry bacon just until lightly crisped; remove from pan and cut or crumble to bite-size pieces and reserve 2 to 3 teaspoons of the fat. To the heated fat in frying pan, add pepper flakes (or the cayenne) and garlic; stir for 30 seconds; remove from heat. Break eggs into medium bowl, with an egg beater beat until frothy, then stir in Parmesan cheese; set aside. Add half-n-half to frying pan, stirring up fond and thickening slightly. Dump spaghetti into large serving bowl, then add meat mixture and toss well; then cheese mixture, toss well. Sprinkle on the parsley. Serve with additional Parmesan Cheese (or use dried the dried Parmesan in a can) Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, June 20 Enjoy! OpheliaThanks to Sue for this story: Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached the old man and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you'll tell me what you think." One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome." The old man said: "You thought.......... but you're wrong." Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said: "You thought......... but you're wrong." So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?" And the old man said: "I thought it was a fart........... but I was wrong."
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Two men were talking. One said "I'd love to be casseroled by that cutie over there!" "What's that mean?" his puzzled friend said, "Casseroled is a cooking term, meaning to be done slowly for a long time." The first man grinned. "Exactly." he replied.
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Click through the picture for full size Come here, Puppy!
A medical student just finished her last semester and was heading out to apply to a hospital. The director of the hospital thought the woman was very bright and had a lot of potential. But the doctor wanted to ask her a few questions just to quiz her. "Well." said the doctor, "you seem very qualified. But a few questions before we make anything definite, ok?" "Of course," said the woman. "Ok, what do we call the operation of removing your tonsils?" asked the director. "That's easy," the woman said, "A tonsillectomy." "Very good. Ok, What is the removal of your appendix called?" the director continued. "I believe that is an appendectomy," the woman said confidently. "Good job. One more. What do we call a sex change operation?" the director asked. Now the woman was very intelligent and she had learned every medical term known to man, but for some reason she could not remember what a sex change operation was called. She sat staring at the wall for some time before the director began to get anxious. "Do you know?" he asked repeatedly. Regaining her composure she finally smiled and said, "Of course, that would be addadictome."
>From Ken When I go to a local discount store to get oil and filters for my car, I buy my wife a bouquet of flowers on display near the checkout counter. During one trip, some women in line behind me were oohing and aahing about a husband getting flowers for his wife. "How often do you do that?" one asked. Before I could answer, the cashier, more than familiar with my routine, said, "Every three months or 3,000 miles, whichever comes first."
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Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce. "OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce." "Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake." "Surely there must be some difference between the two women," the judge said. "You'd better believe there is a difference, your honor. That's why I want the divorce." he replied.
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna DORM style Filling for Crepes Ingredients: 1 small whipping cream pack 1 TBSP white sugar 1 Royal Gala apple 1 TBSP brown sugar 1 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp lemon juice Directions Chill a Liter or quart size yoghurt container and whippiung cream to near freezing Beat whipping cream until peaks form Add white sugar and continue beating until it gets quite firm. With real whipping cream, if it and the container is near freezing, a hand crank mixer works quite well. Grate or shred the apple, mix with brown sugar, cinnamon and lemon juice Spread the mix over fresh crepes and roll them up Put the roll-ups on one side of serving plates, and a pile of whipped cream on the other side, not touching, so that the whipped cream does not melt and make the roll-ups soggy. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, June 19 Enjoy! Ophelia
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>From Debbie I spent more than two hours in the beauty shop getting my hair permed, cut and styled. Relieved to be done, I went up to the receptionist to pay. "Good afternoon!" she said cheerfully. "And who's your appointment with today?" If I looked so bad, that I needed another 2 hour appointment, I figured I better go elsewhere. So I told her I just needed the directions to Walmart.
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A prospective juror was being questioned by the District Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the papers. "If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you kill him for his crime ?" "Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday, if that would be OK."
The following is an ad from a newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake. MONDAY: For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred In R. D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M." WEDNESDAY: Notice: R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him." THURSDAY: Notice: I, R. D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I intentionally broke it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she has now quit.
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Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax. In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis... When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again." The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, "What's his wife's name?" Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda."
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Banana & Strawberry Filling for Crepes or Pancakes Ingredients: 1 1/2 cup fat free whipped cream (You can even use the whipped cream out of the can) 1/4 cup sugar 2 to 3 bananas, sliced 6 strawberries, sliced Directions In a chilled medium sized bowl, beat whipping cream and sugar with electric mixer on high speed until stiff. Spoon about 3 tablespoons whipped cream down center of each crepe/pancake.... Top with 4 or 5 banana slices. Roll up crepe/pancake and top each crepe with whipped cream and add a strawberry. You can even sprinkle with powdered sugar, if you wish Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, June 18 OK, no more politics. Having the guts to take a stand just gives people an excuse for not subscribing. So no more of that. Let's see if any of them will put their money where their mouth is! So far none of them have. Have I been right after all? Enjoy! Ophelia
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While on a business trip, in the hills of South Carolina, a salesman from Chicago discovered that he was out of writing paper for his personal correspondence. He went into the small town nearby and found only a convenience store open. Behind the counter was a rather nice looking older southern lass, quite obviously a local girl from her accent. He asked, "Do you keep stationery?" "Well," she giggled, "I can...until I come, then I just go plain wild and crazy!"
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One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond. I'm here to feed the alligator."
Maria just got married, and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you." So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Maria", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you." So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!" "Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you." So, up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes, that he ha dshot off practising his quick-draw. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!" "Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!
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A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an afterward cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully said: "Clean my house"
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna DORM style Crepes Ingredients: 1/2 cup Complete Buttermilk Pancake Mix 2 eggs 1 tsp olive oil 1/4 tsp cinnamon 1/4 tsp vanilla ice cold water Directions: Put ingredients into a one liter (quart) yoghurt container beat with a fork until smooth and foamy Grease nonstick skillet, heated to a bit more than medium heat. (If the burner is labelled 1 - 10, set it at 6) For each crepe, two TBSP batter into skillet jiggle skillet until batter covers bottom. Cook until light golden brown on bottom side. Flip and cook other side until golden brown. Squirt jam with a mustard/ketchup dispenser in fine lines onto the finished crepes and roll them as soon as you take them off the skillet. Look for those dispensers at the Dollar Store and label them with a Mark-All to tell you what kind of jam is in each of them. You will be surprised how well they work to save on expensive jam! Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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