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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, June 7 The left wing media comments of Wisconsin sure were funny. "End of Democracy!" Awwww, the majority ganging up on on the poor communists? Isn't majority votes what democracy is all about? Ohh only when people vote for Democrats? Novel concept, but not all of us have fried their brains by staying in college too long or by sitting through too many Union meetings. "Capitalism defeats entitlement!" Sounds like dad telling his 40 year old son to go get a job. "Employers outspent employees!" BS. The left’s “outspent” argument is ridiculous. Unions take money by force from members, hire hundreds of political operatives and give them huge salaries to work on campaigns, then call them “volunteers” so their work isn’t reported as a campaign contribution. And what about all the Government workers calling thousands of people, pestering them to vote against Free Enterprise, on Government phones and on Government time, of course? By the way, Walker only clipped the "Entitlement" of the Government workers, and did absolutely nothing against workers in Industry. Yeah, I know, the Communists did not want you to know about that little inconvenient fact. Well, the election is over, Employers and job creators won. Government Workers Unions lost. Optimism is radiating out from Wisconsin. And the whole world is watching. Enjoy! Ophelia
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CORPORATE STRUCTURE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: Leaps tall building in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Discusses policy with God PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Walks on water if the sea is calm Talks with God EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool Talks with God if special request is approved VICE PRESIDENT: Barely clears a Quonset hut Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well Is occasionally addressed by God GENERAL MANAGER: Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings Is run over by locomotive Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury Dog paddles Talks to animals MANAGER: Runs into buildings Recognizes locomotive two out of three times Is not issued ammunition Can't stay afloat with a life preserver Talks to walls TRAINEE: Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building Says "look at the choo-choo" Wets him/herself with a water pistol Plays in mud puddles Mumbles to him/herself SECRETARY: Moves buildings out of the way Kicks locomotives off the tracks Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth Freezes water with a single glance Briefs God on what to tell the Chairman
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This is *supposedly* a true story. It occurred on a Melbourne Australia radio show. One of the FM stations has a competition where they phone someone up, ask them three personal questions, phone their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win a holiday to Bali. Last week the competition went like this: Presenter: Gidday its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game? Brian: Yeah, sure. Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex? Brian: Ohhh, maaaate. Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning. Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian? Brian: Orrrrr .... about 10 minutes. Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it mate? Brian: Ohhhh maaaaate, I can't say that. Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian! Brian: O.K. ... O.K. ... On the kitchen table. Presenter: (and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife? Brian: Yeah, alright. Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you? Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks. Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello. Sharelle: Hi Brian. Brian: Hi Sharelle. Presenter:: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali. Brian: Just tell the truth Honey. Sharelle: O.K. Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex? Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio. Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them. Sharelle: O.K. ... About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work. Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle? Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes. Co- Presenter: That's close enough ...Brian was just being a gentleman. Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it? Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no. Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here. Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway... just tell em. Sharelle: Ohhhh .....alright .....Up the ass! RADIO SILENCE Presenter: Sorry if anyone was offended before, we're going live here, and sometimes these things happen. We've given Brian and Sharelle the holiday. Now we'll take a music break.
According to a new article in 'Cosmopolitan' magazine, they say the position you sleep in says a lot about you. They say women who sleep on their sides are sensitive, women who sleep on their stomachs are competent, and women who sleep on their backs with their heels behind their ears are very popular.
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
try the newsletter of my friend and coach, Dear Webby Dear Webby's Humor Letter |
It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby is a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in. "Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?", he says. "That's cool." says Bobby. Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to the drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father responds "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, "Whaaaat?" "Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" Bobby's eyes light up and smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while dad is saying "Have a good evening kids," with a wink for Bobby. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: "DAMMIT DADDY! THE TWIST!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!! AND NOW I AM PREGNANT!"
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Cream of Broccoli Soup Ingredients: 2 heads broccoli (about 2 pounds) 1 tbsp butter 1 clove garlic, minced (or use 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder) 1 quart chicken or vegetable stock 1/3 cup heavy cream white pepper to taste salt to taste Directions: Cut the tops, florettes, off the broccoli and set aside. Cut the broccoli stems into 1/2-inch slices, and add to the tops. In a soup pot, melt the butter over medium heat; when it begins to foam add the garlic (or garlic powder) and cook for 30 seconds. Add the chicken or vegetable stock and broccoli and bring to a simmer. Cook until the broccoli is fork-tender. When the broccoli is ready, remove from heat and mix well by a hand whip, hand mixer or in a regular blender. Pour back into the pot. Add the cream and cook on low until heated through. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
Click through for Hairy Mugshots at "The Smoking Gun"
One quick shake of the head,
and Dog will get yelled at for an hour.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, June 6 Wisconsin voted for accountability and against Socialism! The media of course is full of "Howevers" and "Buts", trying to make excuses for why their wishful predictions, that the left would win, did not come true. That seems to be a pattern all over. The media manipulates polls, hoping to influence elections, and the people rebel against that. It was the same here in Alberta, the same in Russia, and exactly the same in Wisconsin. Accountability is in, Media manipulation is out. I consider that GOOD News! That should translate into paid subscriptions and donations, as people gain confidence in the economy. Enjoy! Ophelia
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A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the first intermission he had to use the bathroom in the worst way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms. He searched in vain for the rest rooms, but instead, all he found was a beautiful fountain with foliage. Nobody was watching, so he decided to take a go right there. When he finally got back into the auditorium, the second act had already begun. He searched in the dark until he found his wife. "Did I miss much of the second act?" he asked. "Miss it?" she said, "You were starring in it!"
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> From Gramma Kelly An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think. An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him. An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of a herbal tea. The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets... which is why nature intended young guys to go out with older women and young women to go out with older men. Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes. An older woman is into free sex! An older woman is almost always already attached to someone, so there's no need to develop a phobia about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man. Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her. An older woman will never get pregnant and then suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last to know. Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't help you when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey. An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you! Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call. Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut Take out and get you to pay for it. An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas. Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know. Older women know what Kegel exercises are. An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly boff later. Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park. Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after a few beers, a boy just can't get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact. An older woman has lots of girlfriends... and most of them will want to screw you too. An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride. An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.
Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie. One day they decide to name their boyfriends after softdrinks to tell the difference between them. The first one says "I'll name mine 7-up because he's seven inches and always up." The second one says "I'll name mine MOUNTAIN DEW because he likes to mount and do me." And the third one says "I'll name mine Jack Daniels." The others say "Hey! That's not a softdrink that's a hard licker!". She says "That's My Georgie!!"
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
try the newsletter of my friend and coach, Dear Webby Dear Webby's Humor Letter |
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about where he'd got it. He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep. However, they persisted until he finally gave in. "Okay, follow me," he said as he flapped out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "YES, YES, YES!" all the other bats screamed in a frenzy. "GOOD," shouted the bat, "BECAUSE I DIDN'T.
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Lentil Loaf Ingredients: 1 cup dry lentils 2 cups water 1 cup rolled oats 1 egg 1 cup cooked brown rice 1 packed cup grated carrot 2 tablespoons soy sauce (optional) 1 tablespoon ketchup + 1/4 cup ketchup to top the loaf. 1 small onion, finely chopped 2 large cloves garlic, minced 1 tsp. dry sage + 1 tsp. dry thyme, or 2 tsp. poultry seasoning (now you know the secret to poultry seasoning) 1 tablespoon black pepper Directions: Put rinsed lentils and water in a medium pot, with the carrots. Simmer for 15-20 minutes, adding some extra water if it looks dry. They shall become gooey. While they're cooking, preheat the oven to 350 degrees and oil a loaf pan or a casserole dish. Mix the cooked lentils and carrots with all other ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Spread evenly in the prepared pan. Add the 1/4 cup ketchup evenly on top of the loaf. Bake for 35-40 minutes (a shallow dish cooks faster), until the top is nice and crusty. Let it stand for 5 at least minutes before slicing. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
Black girls with big jugs
Yeah, I know, you are going to forward that to all your buddies!
Tell me, if you want the big version.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, June 5 The elections in Wisconsin today will show wether Wisconsin isready for accountability, or wants to slither down towards California or Greek style terminal debt. I am rooting for Walker and hope that accountability wins. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window. His wife yells, "That guy just screwed me twice!" He says, "Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?" She says, "Because I thought it was you -- until he started the second time."
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Pan-Fried Potatoes The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day or $10 per year? Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, June 4 The White House is getting worried, that Florida will eliminate so many illegal voters, that it could totally alter the election outcome. The fact, that the election is at a time, when the Snowbirds have returned from Canada is already bad enough, eliminating a lot of Cubans and Haitians and other illegal immigrants is bound to change the picture. What could be very interesting is that with Florida refusing to let anybody vote, who is either a citizen OR on Welfare, like the White House demands, they could theoretically split Welfare. They pay for citizens, the White House can pay for Non-Citizens. That sure would help THEIR budget! Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Tyrone was visiting Leroy and discussing Leroy's problems with his wife when Leroy's doorbell rang. Leroy answered the door and was handed a paper which the deliverer said was a subpoena. Leroy showed it to Tyrone and asked him if he knew what it was. Tyrone said, "Dis here is a subpeena." "Wut is a sub-peena?" Leroy asked. "Well," said Tyrone, "dat's law talk. Yo wife is suing you for deevorce. We know dat 'sub' means 'unda' and 'peena' is Latin for 'penis', so - 'subpeena' means unda the penis which means she done got you by da balls."
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Black Bean Burgers The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day or $10 per year? Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
Get-LOST-He's-MINE !!!
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, June 3 Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
>From Chris Put in charge of organizing my friend's baby shower, I de- cided to send out invitations via email. To let my husband know that he had baby-sitting duty that day, I entered his name on the "CC" line. Within minutes of sending the messages, I received an email back from my husband. He wrote, "Can I pick just one or two, three at the most?." He was referring to the "Subject" line of my message, which read, "Lunch and a shower, and the CC line, which had the names and addresses of two dozen women."
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Tuna, Tomato, and Cannellini Bean Salad The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day or $10 per year? Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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