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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, May 30 Personally, I quite like dandylions. They really are pretty, if you bother to look at them closely. Some people sure get into a frenzy trying to eradicate them. And some others come around in the evening and gather the beautiful seed balls, to toss onto the lawns of the anti-dandylion fanatics and certain town councillors. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
The family all got together recently, and were just hanging around at Mom and Dad's. My sister was browsing through an almanac and laughed at a little piece of trivia she had found in the book, which she then read aloud; "Did you know that a woman's breasts increase in size by 25% during sex?" My brother-in-law, a notorious joker, shot back, "So, how come yours don't?" My father, from behind his newspaper and without even a pause, replied, "You're not pumping hard enough."
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Shepherd's Pie The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day or $10 per year? Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, May 29 I wonder how many BBQs went into orbit yesterday. Actually, you don't read much about that any more. Did BBQs get better and safer, or did people learn to read the instructions? Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Jill was in bed with a man who was not her husband and the heat was up high. All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh my God, your husband is home. What am I going to do?" "Aw, just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he ain't gonna notice you here with me." The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Jill, so he trusted her advice. Sure enough, Jill's husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet. "Honey!" he yelled, "What the heck isch going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed." "Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again." The husband got out of bed, and counted, "One, two, three, four... By gosch, you're right dear," as he stumbled back into bed.
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna DORM Style Tuna Pattys The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day or $10 per year? Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Since July 1, 2011,
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
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Ophelia
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, May 28 In the US, today is Memorial Day not just BBQ day!Enjoy! Ophelia
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My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."
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This guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds for the suit. "I've got grounds, all right," sputtered the irate husband. "Can you believe my wife told me I'm a lousy lover?" "That's why you're suing?" pursued his lawyer. "Of course not. I'm suing because she knows the difference."
There was a hooker named Jodi who mistook a Salvation Army man for a soldier and propositioned him. The Salvation Army gent said, "Ma'am, you may be forgiven, as a pitiful victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you familiar with the concept of 'original sin'?" Jodi responded, "Well, maybe and maybe not. But if it's really original, I'll give you a $20 discount."
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
try the newsletter of my friend and coach, Dear Webby Dear Webby's Humor Letter |
Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors. One day, they heard, "yellow, blue, black." One of the nuns noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to the other two nuns, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible. The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke, "black, black, black." Hearing that, the three nuns were astonished! One of the nuns spoke up, "Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird." Saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should be wearing any underwear under their vestments. Respecting their agreement, the next day they wore no underwear, and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot's house. Initially, the parrot looked a bit puzzled, he swung back and forth on his perch. Then, after a while, the Parrot said, "Straight, Straight, Curly!"
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Tuna Pattys Ingredients 2 cans (6 1/2 ounces each) tuna in water - DO NOT DRAIN! 1 sleeve no salt tops saltines - crush them up finely 2 egg whites 1 Tablespoon soy sauce (optional) 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder 2 tablespoons each finely diced red, yellow and green pepper (optional)... Use 1 teaspoon onion powder instead) Directions Heat oven to 350 degrees F and lightly grease a baking sheet. Place crushed saltines in a bowl and add tuna with water, egg whites, soy sauce (optional) and garlic powder. Mix well. Add peppers and stir until well distributed. Form mixture into 8 evenly sized patties and place on greased baking sheet. Bake for 8 minutes and turn over. Bake for another 8 minutes. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, May 27 The snow, that is still in the mountains, and the low water in the rivers, is getting a bit worrysome. A week of warm weather and rain could cause some serious flooding. Well, we will see what happens in June, when that usually occurs. If i was living in High River, south of here, where they get floods quite often, I would be looking for hip waders and maybe a small boat. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight, and by the time I was finished with what I was doing, I was pretty badly beat up."
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Meatball Stew DORM Style The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day or $10 per year? Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Since July 1, 2011,
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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, May 26 SpaceX Falcon successfully delivered a cargo capsule to the space station. Great! It is not a gerat technical innovation, to retrace the method used to assemble the moon shots in the 60's. For the moon shots, components were sent up, then fitted together in space. OK, so we are finally back to that, after the silly detour to the deluxe schoolbus called Space Shuttle. The Space Shuttle was way too expensive, not just because of the ridiculous amount of fuel it required, but because of the huge number of people involved in tracking and servicing all its components. Contracting the shipping out to SpaceX, who used a standard military rocket and just built a maneuverable cargo capsule, got us back to where we were in the 60's, and headed in the right direction. THAT is the great part of it. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love." "Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!"
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RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Meatball Stew The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version. Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day or $10 per year? Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Subscribe | |
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Since July 1, 2011,
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If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online! |
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
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