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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, February 6 Judging by the total lack of mail about the Super Bowl, it looks like most of you enjoyed the beautiful weather instead. I did. I got the results in the headline news. In case you are asked, The New York Giants beat the New England Patriots 21-17. If you know somebody, who would enjoy my jokes, please forward the entire newsletter. With any luck, some people will subscribe! Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
A young couple had just returned from their honeymoon and were settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night, the landlady met the man in the hallway. She said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your bride would like to have them?" "I'll ask her," the young man responded. He opened his door and called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?" "Hey, Pal," she retorted. "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I'm going home to mother."
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna POTATO SKINS Ingredients: 4 large baking potatoes , baked 3 tablespoons vegetable oil 1 tablespoon grated parmesan cheese 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder 1/8 teaspoon pepper 8 slices bacon , cooked and crumbled 2 cups shredded cheddar cheese (approximately 8 ounces) ½ cup sour cream (if you wish) 4 chive onions , sliced in very small circles. Directions: Cut potatoes in half lengthwise; scoop out pulp and set aside (use for making mashed potatoes later) leaving 1/4 inch of potato in the shell. Place on a greased baking sheet. Combine oil, Parmesan cheese, salt, garlic powder and pepper and brush oil on potato skins. Bake at 475° for about 8 minutes and turn over. Bake for another 8 minutes or so and then turn right side up. Sprinkle bacon and cheddar evenly inside of skins. Bake 2 minutes longer or until cheese is melted. Top with chive onions, then add a dollop of sour cream on each, if desired. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna PLEASE Let me know if you like the new recipe section!
That's right! Use Pumpernickle bread or at least whole wheat bread!
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, February 5 If you know somebody, who would enjoy my jokes, please forward the entire newsletter. With any luck, some people will subscribe! Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
A wife in London went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
NEW RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna SALSA DIP Ingredients: 3 tomatoes (one pound) 1/4 cup finely chopped red onions 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro 1 jalapeño pepper, finely chopped 1/4 cup Italian Dressing {or instead of Italian Dressing, use1/8 cup oil, 1/8 cup white vinegar, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/8 teaspoon pepper, 1/8 teaspoon garlic powder.} 1 Large package Corn Chips: your favorite brand. Directions: Place all ingredients in a food processor, mix on pulse, until tomatoes are visibly about 1/4 inch by 1/4 inch, but not liquefied. You may wish to add salt and pepper to taste. ~*~Double the recipe if you have many guests.~*~ Happy Appetite! Sr Anna PLEASE Let me know if you like the new recipe section!
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Since July 1, 2011,
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you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, February 4 Temperatures are supposed to go up to seven degrees above freezing, with only a 10 K wind. That sounds like a great day to clean up around the trailer and see what the last Chinook has deposited. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs, and every morning the farmer would head out to feed them. And every morning, he would see all the pigs screwing up a storm. He would get turned on by this and try to get back to the house in time to screw his wife but he always got soft before he got there. So one day, he took his hatchet and headed out to the pigpen. "No!" said his wife. "Don't kill those pigs!" "I'm not going to kill them. I'm moving the pen closer to the house."
NEW RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna JELLO SHOOTERS Ingredients: 3 oz Jell-O (any flavor) 6 oz water 6 oz vodka Directions: Pour gelatin into a bowl. Add boiling water, stirring until the gelatin is dissolved. Let it cool to lukewarm. Stir in ice cold liquor. Refrigerate until cool. Pour into shot glasses, molds or a baking pan for a sheet of Jell-O to cut up once set. (I use the little bathroom cups, which are great for parties and football guests). Refrigerate until the liquid sets. (At least 2 hours, but overnight refrigeration is recommended) Serve cold. You can: Use the Jell-O flavor of your choice. Change the color with food coloring. Cut Jell-O shapes with cookie cutters. Pour the unset mix into molds. You really can have fun with this recipe. You can stretch the recipe with inclusions like strawberry bits or carrot pieces. You can cut two lengthwise grooves into a carrot, so that the cross section looks like a little fish, then cut the carrot into very thin slices, that look like goldfish. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna PLEASE Let me know if you like the new recipe section!
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Since July 1, 2011,
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, February 3 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!Thank you, John! All the newsletters went out OK. If you ever miss mine, don't get into a huff, just tell me. I can always get DearWebby to re-send it or figure out, why you didn't get it. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. "What's going on?" Ed asked one of the crowd. "We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine," he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. "Nobody has managed to stay on for the full minute yet, and there's a prize of $100 for anybody who can. "I can do that," Ed said confidently. "You can't," said Ted. "You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that thing." "Watch this," said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine. The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After 30 seconds the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the minute was up, Ed was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd. He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted. "Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that?" Ted asked. "Remember three months ago," Ed said. "When your wife had whooping cough...?"
NEW RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Jello Pudding Shots INGREDIENTS: 1 small box. Jello pudding. My favorite is chocolate. 3/4 cup milk. 1/2 cup Irish cream. 1/4 cup kahlua. 1 8 oz.cool whip. DIRECTIONS: Mix all ingrediants together except cool whip like making pudding. Fold in cool whip. Put in 2 oz. Containers with lids. You can make these in different flavors. I have done some experimenting and come up with some good combinations. Chill and enjoy. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna PLEASE Let me know if you like the new recipe section!
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Since July 1, 2011,
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If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
Please help me stay online! |
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, February 2 Dear Webby told me to have my newsletter ready early, because he has to go for some big eye exam in Calgary, and probably will be really slowed down due to totally dilated eyes. Apparently his diabetes has messed up his eyes and he may need a Cataract ot Glaucoma or Retina operation. Something like that, I am not an eye doctor. I'll try to have it completed early, but if DearWebby messes up my 3 different.versions, don't get mad. Last time they messed with his eyes, he had to use a knife to undo his shoe laces, but still struggled to get most of the newsletters out. If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me! Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election! Enjoy! Ophelia
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At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asks his father, "What does fornication mean?" The dad is freaked out by the question and demands to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?" "From Uncle Charlie," responds the son. Dad charges off to confront his brother. Charlie doesn't have a clue what the problem is and explains that all he said was, "For-an-occasion like this you think they would serve champagne."
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One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books-- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?" "Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
try the newsletter of my friend and coach, Dear Webby Dear Webby's Humor Letter |
Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesperson. "That depends," he said. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000." "Let's see the $2.00 model," said Morris the miser. The salesperson put the device around Morris' neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed. "How does it work?" , asked Morris. "For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesperson replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder." -------------- Dear Webby needs one of those! He would not be anywhere near as hilarious with telemarketers, if he got a real hearing aid. With friends he uses Skype and cranks the volume, and has no problem at all.
A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house. The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all. The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips, and leaped high in the air. She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!" The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"
What's the difference between cheating on your taxes and cheating on your wife? If you cheat the government they still want to screw you.
NEW RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Rum Balls:, Two Variations for Today First Recipe: 2 1/2 cups vanilla wafers 2 tablespoons cinnamon or 11/2 tablespoon cocoa and 1/2 tablespoon cinnamon, depending on your taste preference. 1 1/4 cups powdered sugar 1/2 cup spiced rum (Spiced Rum) or 1/2 cup Bourbon 2 tablespoons white / clear corn syrup 1 cup pecans (broken into small pieces) Directions: Sift the cocoa with 1 cup powdered sugar. Stir in the spiced rum mixed with the syrup. Add crushed vanilla wafers and nuts. Mix thoroughly. Shape mix into walnut size balls and roll in left over powdered sugar. You can leave them plain, if you like. Store in a tightly closed container for at least two days, but a week is best. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Second Recipe: 1/4 cup of raisins 1/4 cup of dried apricots 1/4 cup of small orange bits (grated orange or dried). 1 cup coarse Graham cracker bits 1/2 cup coconut 3 heaping teaspoons of cocoa 3 cubes of Semi Sweet Baker's Chocolate, shaved 1 teaspoon of vanilla (Use real vanilla, please. The other is made from wood shavings.} 1 teaspoon cinnamon. 3 teaspoons coarse ground hazelnuts Directions: Soak chopped raisins, dried apricots, orange bits and hazelnuts, 1 teaspoon of vanilla, 1 teaspoon cinnamon and coconut in rum overnight. Crush graham crackers, but not fine! Should be quite coarse. Add cocoa and shaved semi-sweet Baker's Chocolate. Add chopped or coarsely ground hazelnuts. Mix it all together and form balls the size of of a large walnut. If they are too sloppy, knead in more crushed graham crackers. They should just barely stick together and not fall apart.. Roll the balls in coconut, put them into a snap-tight tin or air tight plastic container and let them cure AT LEAST 48 hours. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna PLEASE Let me know if you like the new recipe section!
Groundhog Day
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