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Dear
Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, Aug 1 Had a big argument about cooking sprays at a neighborhood BBQ today. I don't use it, because it is ridiculously expensive. Reasonably warm oil sprayed from a good ol' pistol-grip sprayer works just as well, and probably uses less oil. You don't really need an even oil slick in and around your pan. One the oil heats up, it will spread, and when you add food, it will spread it around even more. Did you know that a one second spray of cooking spray adds 100 or more calories to your meal? A drop or two of cooking oil onto a stamp size piece of paper towel and wiped around a pan will make it just as non-stick, but not add any calories at all. Enjoy OpheliaFor more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:
A pregnant woman went to the gynecologist, and when asked what was the problem, she responded, "Well, whenever I take off my clothes, my nipples get hard." Shocked, the doctor took a deep breath, then asked, "Your nipples get hard?" "Yes," quite innocently came her reply. "Undress so I can check," replied the still amazed doc. So, she undressed, and he got down to the feeling and massaging, trying to reach an answer. After some considerable time, the doctor, still looking puzzled, said, "Well, Madame, I don't know what you have, but it sure is contagious!"
Today's goofy movie is "Falling Mirror" Enjoy! Ophelia
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Dear
Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, July 31 NATO has sunk to a new low in Libya. Instead of bombing Burger joints, hospitals and car lots, they dropped a few Million bucks worth of bombs onto TV transmitters, trying to suppress reports of their actions from getting out. Those strikes are also the latest reminder of how far NATO has sunk from its United Nations mandate to protect civilians, by bombing a purely informational tool, that only affected civilians by boring them. Somebody seems to have a lot more money than brains! Here it was quite hot today, but thanks to a rambunctious wind, actually quite comfortable. Enjoy OpheliaFor more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:
Before Linda got married, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?"
Today's goofy movie is "Double Fitting Room" Enjoy! Ophelia
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Ophelia
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
$1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) Pay for your subscription at
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Dear
Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, July 30 Most of you have probably heard a Sound-Racer or Vroom Box, or heard about them. In case you haven't, they are electronic devices that make an anemic KIA or Volkswagen sound like an 80's V8 pick-up with a few little holes in the muffler. Just like my GMC truck. The Sound-Racer just plugs into a cigarette lighter socket, and makes the sound over the car radio speakers. The Vroom Box has speakers mounted under the car. They are for the Goody-Two-Shoes guys, driving their Mama's car, or their wife's. I looked for a little movie that shows an example: Sound Racer Today on the way back from the post office, I heard a big muscle car trying to sound like my pick-up. I looked around, but there was nothing exotic in sight. In front of me was one of those little rice burning scooters, that normally sound like a sewing machine in need of maintenance. It had a luggage rack and on it, there was a huge speaker box. THAT is where the awesome sound was coming from. I almost wet my pants when he twiddled away from a traffic light. BIG ROAR, and accelerating like a kid on a tricycle. Sure was funny! I was tempted, but refrained from stomping the gas and showing off. Enjoy OpheliaFor more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:
Thanks to Bill for this story: An older married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said: "For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"
Today's goofy movie is "Flying Sweaters" Enjoy! Ophelia
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Ophelia
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
$1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) Pay for your subscription at
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Dear
Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, July 29 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! I think myself that we have more machinery of government than is necessary, too many parasites living on the labor of the industrious. --- Thomas Jefferson Enjoy OpheliaFor more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:
An old priest was getting sick and tired of all the people in his parish who kept confessing adultery. One Sunday in the pulpit he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Everyone liked him, so the parishioners came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week later, the new priest visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. The priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."
Today's goofy movie is "Push-Over" Enjoy! Ophelia
you have to subscribe to the full version.
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Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Subscribe | |
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Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
$1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) Pay for your subscription at
You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. |
Dear
Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, July 28 I used to think water melons were too big and too expensive. Today a store here tried to re-educate the people by selling chunks, that were about an eigth of a water melon, for $1.25. I hemmed and hawed a while, and recalled all the good info I had read about them, and finally splurged on a piece. When I got home I tried a slice of it and was sure glad I bought that chunk! let's hope the store will continue trying to educate us and will keep selling pieces! Enjoy OpheliaFor more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:
An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, "But you just got a new pair last month!" "Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident," stammered the private. "Accident, what kind of an accident?" The Captain looked in his book of Accident definitions and glossaries, "Road-march accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?" "No, no nothing of those..." said the private. "Well then, what is it?" "I'd rather not tell you sir..." "Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses," said the medical officer, ready to stand up, "I've to see my patients now." "No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl," blurted the private. "Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing a girl?" "Well, she crossed her legs."
Today's goofy movie is "Push-Over" Enjoy! Ophelia
you have to subscribe to the full version.
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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
| Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News |
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