Ophelia Dingbatter's News: Whisper 
Ophelia Dingbatter's News

Large Font Version
Good Morning 
It's Wednesday,  June 20, 2009

Please vote for me at the EzineFinder
Ophelia Dingbatter Thanks for voting for me! Ophelia My blog is at: http://dingbatter.com/blog Feel free to adjust the font size by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel.
Doug and Bill went out drinking one night and didn't get home till the wee hours. They see each other the next day at work and Bill asks, "Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?" Doug replies, "No, but that didn't keep her from yelling and screaming for two hours."
Ma, I think they are doing it wrong!
An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating that the electric company would like to run a power line through his cow pasture. The Amish man said, "No, no you can not." "Legally, that paper says we can." replied the gruff worker. As he returned to his co-workers in the field, the Amish man went to his barn and turned his 1500 pound black Angus bull into the pasture. As the bull rumbled toward the workers in the field, the Amish farmer hollered, "Show him thy silly paper!"
A worried young man from Stamboul Discovered red spots on his tool. Said the doctor, a cynic, "Get out of my clinic! Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool." There was a young maid of Peru Who swore she never would screw, Except under stress Of forceful duress, Like: 'I'm ready. How about you?'
An accident really uncanny, Befell an unfortunate granny. She sat down in a chair While her false teeth were there, And bit herself right in the fanny!
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper'." The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his Father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper." The Father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."
Enough for today! See ya tomorrow! Ophelia ophelia@dingbatter.com Twitter: @OpheliaD
Ophelia Dingbatter Please Vote for me!

Tip: Register at the Ezinefinder. That puts a little cookie into your browser. Don't worry, the cookie doesn't have your bra size or your birth date or weight or any information about you. Its simply your personal access key to be able to vote without the confirmation emails. Even if somebody raids your computer, there is absolutely nothing they can do with that cookie, except maybe vote in your place on days that you forget.
Subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News
Privcy guaranteed by Webby Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software Webby 1996-2008

49576
  |  permalink  |   ( 3 / 174 )
Ophelia Dingbatter's News: Flatbush 
Ophelia Dingbatter's News

Large Font Version
Good Morning 
It's Tuesday,  June 9, 2009

Please vote for me at the EzineFinder
Ophelia Dingbatter Thanks for voting for me! Ophelia My blog is at: http://dingbatter.com/blog Feel free to adjust the font size by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel.
A wife is sitting in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden she hears her husband in the bedroom, swearing up a storm. He is using every bad word in the book. The wife runs into the bedroom to see what is going on. She finds her husband just sitting on the bed. She asks her husband, "honey, what happened? Did you fall down and get hurt or something?" The husband looks up and replies, "no, I'm fine. I'm just practicing." The wife gets a real confused look on her face, and said, "practicing? Practicing for what?" Then the husband says, "golf season starts tomorrow!"

A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?" She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Prove it." He frowns for a moment, then says, "Okay." He gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face. About an hour later, he returns all tired and sweaty and proclaims, "Well I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig keeps squealing, I can't tell."
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She didn't scare the fish. She ate all the bait."
There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to their word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?" A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you." Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John! what is it like, where are you?" "It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze and sunshine most of the time." "What do you do all day?" asked Martha. "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we do it again until we fall asleep about 11pm." Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?" "Heaven? I'm not in heaven, Martha." "Well, then, where are you?" "I'm a rabbit in Arizona."
A lot of you are under the impression that "Flatbush" is a term denoting a person from an area of Brooklyn, a borough in New York City. Not so! That term was coined in the 60's when the girls first started wearing skin-tight jeans.
The young mother wanted so much to be a part of her teenage children's group. She worked hard at learning all the styles the young mothers wore and all foods the children like to eat. She always tried to look young and spiffy and to have an abundant supply of snacks when the gang dropped by. She even learned how to talk "young" learning all the buzz words and hip sayings. One day all this came to a screeching halt when, after serving the right snacks, she heard herself say to a room full of hormone dripping teenagers, "If anyone want secs, just let me know. I'll be in the kitchen getting it ready."
Enough for today! See ya tomorrow! Ophelia ophelia@dingbatter.com Twitter: @OpheliaD
Ophelia Dingbatter Please Vote for me!

Tip: Register at the Ezinefinder. That puts a little cookie into your browser. Don't worry, the cookie doesn't have your bra size or your birth date or weight or any information about you. Its simply your personal access key to be able to vote without the confirmation emails. Even if somebody raids your computer, there is absolutely nothing they can do with that cookie, except maybe vote in your place on days that you forget.
Subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News
Privcy guaranteed by Webby Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software Webby 1996-2008

49267
  |  permalink  |   ( 3 / 202 )
Ophelia Dingbatter's News: Don't stop just yet 
Ophelia Dingbatter's News

Large Font Version
Good Morning 
It's Monday,  June 8, 2009

Please vote for me at the EzineFinder
Ophelia Dingbatter Thanks for voting for me! Ophelia My blog is at: http://dingbatter.com/blog Feel free to adjust the font size by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel.
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike dear, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Hey," said the druggist, "I know you, aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well, what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?"

Did you hear about the hillbilly who... ...Lost her boyfriend because she forgot where she laid him. ...Thought that asphalt was rectum trouble. ...Was called tapioca because she could be made in a minute. ...Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period. ...Thought that "no kidding" meant some form of birth control. ...Thought that peter pan was something for under the bed. ...Thought that "Moby Dick" was a veneral disease. ...Thought that a sanitary belt was a drink from clean shot glass. ...Smelled good only on the right side because she couldn't find the left guard. ...Wore union pants because her best friend was having labor pains. ...Studied 5 days for a urine test. ...Thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas. ...Thought fetus was a character from "Gunsmoke". ...Thought a mushroom was a place to kiss. ...Was in the Indy 500 and had 7 pit stops, 1 for gas and 6 for directions. ...Put 75 holes in her face?...she was learning to eat with a fork.
Doctor: "Madame, I'd like to give you a thorough examination. Please take off all your clothes." Patient: "But doctor, I only stopped by for the blood test results. Dr. Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday." Doctor: "So he told me... so he told me."
Viagra is now in liquid form. FDA officials today announced the release of the wonder drug Viagra in a new easy-to-take liquid form. It is sold under the name of "Mydixadud." Now, when men come home from work in the evening, they can pour themselves a stiff one.
My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my tech. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for ?" I told him, "Nope! I do this for free."
The young lady knocked the doctor's office carrying an infant. "Doctor," she explained, "the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week." The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the lady's breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began to suck powerfully on one nipple. "Young lady," he finally announced, "no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven't got any milk!" "Of course not!" she shrieked. "It's not my child, it's my sister's. But don't stop just yet!"
Enough for today! See ya tomorrow! Ophelia ophelia@dingbatter.com Twitter: @OpheliaD
Ophelia Dingbatter Please Vote for me!

Tip: Register at the Ezinefinder. That puts a little cookie into your browser. Don't worry, the cookie doesn't have your bra size or your birth date or weight or any information about you. Its simply your personal access key to be able to vote without the confirmation emails. Even if somebody raids your computer, there is absolutely nothing they can do with that cookie, except maybe vote in your place on days that you forget.
Subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News
Privcy guaranteed by Webby Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software Webby 1996-2008

48954
  |  permalink  |   ( 3 / 192 )
Ophelia Dingbatter's News: Occasional Piece 
Ophelia Dingbatter's News

Large Font Version
Good Morning 
It's Sunday,  June 7, 2009

Please vote for me at the EzineFinder
Ophelia Dingbatter Thanks for voting for me! Ophelia My blog is at: http://dingbatter.com/blog Feel free to adjust the font size by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel.
The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he drove back to safety. "Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses." "Warehouses!?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"
Yeah, right.
The doctor at the local health clinic was admonishing the redneck patient. "Until the penicillin cleans out your infection, you ain't to have no relations whatsoever!" Pausing for a moment, the young patient replied, "Okay, but what about friends 'n neighbors?"
The farmer's neglected wife steps behind the barn and sees the young hired hand taking a leak. She stares in disbelief at his huge apparatus and says, "Boy, I'd sure like to have some of THAT!" He says, "Well, you'd best run get you a cup. I'm 'bout through."
He hated to mend, so young Ned Called in a cute neighbor instead. Her husband said, "Vi, When you stitched up his torn fly, Did you have to bite off the thread?"
A family was all together recently, just hanging around. The sister was browsing through an almanac and laughed at a little piece of trivia she had found in the book, which she then read aloud; "Did you know that a woman's breasts increase in size by 25% during sex?" The bother-in-law, a notorious joker, shot back, "So, how come yours don't?" To which the father, from behind his newspaper and without even a pause, replied, "You're not pumping hard enough...."
An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked. "Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa." "You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested. "Sectional, schmectional." she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!"
Enough for today! See ya tomorrow! Ophelia ophelia@dingbatter.com Twitter: @OpheliaD
Ophelia Dingbatter Please Vote for me!

Tip: Register at the Ezinefinder. That puts a little cookie into your browser. Don't worry, the cookie doesn't have your bra size or your birth date or weight or any information about you. Its simply your personal access key to be able to vote without the confirmation emails. Even if somebody raids your computer, there is absolutely nothing they can do with that cookie, except maybe vote in your place on days that you forget.
Subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News
Privcy guaranteed by Webby Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software Webby 1996-2008

48707
  |  permalink  |   ( 2.9 / 183 )
Ophelia Dingbatter's news: Fasten 8 
Ophelia Dingbatter's News

Large Font Version
Good Morning 
It's Saturday,  June 6, 2009

Please vote for me at the EzineFinder
Ophelia Dingbatter Thanks for voting for me! Ophelia My blog is at: http://dingbatter.com/blog Feel free to adjust the font size by holding down the CTRL key and scrolling the mouse wheel.
A guy complains to his doctor that his sex life is deteriorating rapidly. The doctor tells him he needs to reintroduce excitement, guilt, and spontaneity into the process. The guy ponders this for a few days and hatches a plan. "Well" he says to the doctor on his follow- up visit, "I did everything you suggested. The boss let me leave work an hour early.For excitement I drove home at twice the speed limit, charged into the house through the closed screen door, and jumped on Sheila in the living room. "And did you ENJOY it!?" asked the doctor enthusiastically. "Well..." says the guy slowly and thoughtfully, "Her Bible group thought it was pretty neat, and it was kinda fun ... until all the cop cars arrived with 16 speeding tickets and a SWAT team."

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest, and only whispering, and there is no woman around to interrupt him, is he still wrong? ---- Yes, of course!
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word "`fascinate.`" Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word `fascinate.`" Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him. Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."
A couple got married in a western one horse town and took the their homey moon in the bright lights of Las Vegas. While checking in the hotel clerk said to the honeymooners, "Would you like a single room or a double or for $100 you can have the bridal." The woman responded, "No, we don't need the bridal, I'll hang on to his ears until he gets the hang of it."
A man who had problems with premature ejaculation went to a sex shop for a remedy. The clerk handed him a little yellow can and said, "This is Stay-Hard Spray; put on a little and you can go all night!" Delighted, the guy took it home, stowed it on the cellar shelf, and waited eagerly for bedtime, when he sprayed some on his dick and went upstairs to his wife. But it seemed to make him reach orgasm quicker than ever. The next day he returned to the sex shop, slammed the can down on the counter, and snapped, "This stuff makes me worse than before!" Reading the label, the clerk asked, "Did you hide this stuff on cellar shelf?" "Yeah, so?" said the disgruntled customer. "You must have grabbed the wrong can. This is Easy-Off."
A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Well, Mom forgot until the last minute. She dashed out and could only find a short pink nightie. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase. After the wedding, the bride and groom entered their hotel room. The groom was a little self-conscious, so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed. While she was in the bathroom, the bride opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in there. "Oh no! It's short, pink, and wrinkled!" She exclaimed. Then her groom cried out, "I told you not to peek!"
Enough for today! See ya tomorrow! Ophelia ophelia@dingbatter.com Twitter: @OpheliaD
Ophelia Dingbatter Please Vote for me!

Tip: Register at the Ezinefinder. That puts a little cookie into your browser. Don't worry, the cookie doesn't have your bra size or your birth date or weight or any information about you. Its simply your personal access key to be able to vote without the confirmation emails. Even if somebody raids your computer, there is absolutely nothing they can do with that cookie, except maybe vote in your place on days that you forget.
Subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News
Privcy guaranteed by Webby Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.
MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software Webby 1996-2008

48444
  |  permalink  |   ( 3.1 / 206 )

Back Next