Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, January 28

"My golden rule is to have a big fat camera man. 
I can't outrun a bear, but I can outrun that camera guy."
--- Jeff Corwin, nature show host

If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day
newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me!
Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election!

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


Four catholic mothers were having coffee together 
discussing (bragging) how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest.  When he 
walks into room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a 
bishop.  Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 
'Your Grace'."

The third catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put 
you down, but my son is a Cardinal.  Whenever he walks 
into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.

The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied, 
male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, 
the women say, 'Oh my God'....."



On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went
straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother
and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old
having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church
bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow
and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned
ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"



Subscribe a friend to Ophelia Dingbatter's News!


(They will receive a confirmation request)





Click through for the big picture

 


The sculptor and one of his students went out for coffee after
class. "You have the most delicate, slender hands," said the
student, a rather gorgeous young thing. "Forgive me for saying
it, but they belong on a woman." 

Not only did he forgive her,
he obliged.



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby


Dear Webby's Humor Letter



This man is at work one day when he notices that his male
co-worker is wearing an earring.  This man knows his co-
worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious
about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

"Yo, Bob, I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Oh, yeah, sure," says Bob sheepishly.

"Really? How long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car!"



Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"

Taurus: "I'm hungry. Pass the pizza before we do it again."

Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"

Cancer: "When are we getting married?"

Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"

Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."

Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."

Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."

Sagittarius: "Don't call me I'll call you."

Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"

Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"

Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"










Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

ophelia@dingbatter.com	Please help me stay online!
Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News
Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning, !

Today is Friday, January 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



We had a nice and rambunctious Chinook, that hauled a few
billion tons of snow from here to Ontario and Illinois. It will
arrive in about 5 days.

The fairly warm Chinook, warm here, before it looses all
that as it picks up moisture racing across the prairies, 
is now being chased by a nasty north Wind.
That might get really nasty when it crosses the Great Lakes.
If you are in Ontario or Illinois, you might consider this
a good time to either go on vacation, or invest in a snow blower.


If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day
newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me!
Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election!

Enjoy!
Ophelia





Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 


Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!



The preacher got up in church one Sunday morning and told
the congregation, "Brothers and sisters, we are going to
have to do something about people parking behind the church
at night. I was out there this morning and there are enough
beer cans out there to build a car."

One of the old sisters stood up and said, "Amen brother and
enough rubbers to put tires on it."










Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

     82413

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, January 26

Half a dozen years ago, there was a big Tsunami that hit
Sr Lanka and money was raised to help out. Here in Alberta,
the Government matched dollar for dollar any funds raised 
by people.

Then an elephant at the Calgary Zoo painted a big painting
about it, and it was sold on eBay for $6200.
Now, did that make the elphant "people" and the Alberta Govt
had to match that amount?

They did, of course, but first there was a whole lot of on-line 
haggling and fighting on forums and sites, and even more
money was raised from the ads on the forums and sites.

What struck me as funny today, was that I remembered the
elephant, but had to look up where exactly that particular
Tsunami had been.


If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day
newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me!
Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election!

Enjoy!
Ophelia





Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 


Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!



Bill asks a woman out on a date after meeting her in a bar.
She says, "What kind of car do you drive?"
Bill replies " A VW Bug."
She scornfully says, "That's awfully small!"
Bill replies, "Don't worry, I'm not going to screw you with the car,
or IN the car."Bill asks a woman out on a date after meeting her in a bar.
She says, "What kind of car do you drive?"
Bill replies " A VW Bug."
She scornfully says, "That's awfully small!"
Bill replies, "Don't worry, I'm not going to screw you with the car,
or IN the car."









Subscribe 





Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

     82236

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, January 25

The British are daft!
That woman would get a lot further with a decent smile,
but those bozos should not have banned her.

If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day
newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me!
Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election!

Enjoy!
Ophelia




Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 



Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!



Dad was in the field plowing when he noticed Mary run into the barn, A
few seconds' later Bruce runs into the barn after her. After about 20
minutes they still haven't come out of the barn, so Dad decides to see
what they are doing. 

As he walks into the barn he sees Bruce on top of Mary and 
he was going to town, Dad thinks to himself that dirty bastard
and picks up a shovel and whacks Bruce on the ass with it. 

Bruce jumps up and runs outside. Mary was still lying on the 
floor trying to cover up her modesty; Dad looked down at her 
and said, "I didn't think you had it in you Mary." 

"Neither did I, Dad," said Mary, "until you hit him on
the ass with the shovel."









Subscribe 





Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

     82056

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, January 24

We are finally getting almost traditional January 
temperatures now. However, the oldtimers are warning
about February. Yeah, yeah, gramma. I know,
you used to ride a dinosaur twenty miles in ten feet of snow,
just to get stoned or laid. Or was that 10 miles in
twenty feet of snow?

If you know of anybody, who can afford a 2 cents per day
newsletter, PLEASE tell them about me!
Hopefully we don't have to pause until after the election!

Enjoy!
Ophelia



Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2.7 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 


Have you been good enough to deserve 2.7 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!



There was this virgin that was going out on 
a date for the first time and she told her 
grandmother about it. So, the grandmother 
says sit here and let me tell you about 
those young boys. He is going to try to 
kiss you, you are going to like that but, 
don't let him do that. 

He is going to try to feel your breast, 
you are going to like that but, don't let him do that. 

He is going to try to put his hand between your legs , 
you are going to like that but, don't let him do that. 

But most important, he is going to try to get on top 
of you and have his way with you. You are going to 
like that but, don't let him do that, it will disgrace the 
family. 

With that bit of advise, the granddaughter 
went on her date and could not wait to tell her 
grandmother about it. So, the next day she told 
her grandmother that her date went just like 
she said. But she said "grandmother I didn't 
let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I 
rolled over, got on top of him and disgraced 
HIS family."










Subscribe 





Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

     81881