Thursday, November 24, 2011, 03:01 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, November 24
Happy Thanksgiving Day to readers in the US!
It is sad for Egypt, but good for the US, that the international
agitators, that travel to G8 and G20 summits and any excuse
for a rumble, seem to have left after the Nov 17 flop, and
gone to a warmer climate.
I am grateful, that they left, because a lot of the cops
were getting quite uptight, and there was some preliminary
talk about bringing in the National Guard. We don't need
a repeat of Motor City Madness.
Who remembers Motor City Madness, and Gordon Lightfoot?
"
Black day in July
Motor City madness has touched the countryside
And the people rise in anger
And the streets begin to fill
And there's gunfire from the rooftops
And the blood begins to spill
"
Let's be grateful, there was no repeat of that!
Enjoy!
Ophelia
Here is a tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
A gas station in "redneck country" was trying to increase its
sales so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."
Soon a "redneck" pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked
for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from
(1) to (10), and, if he guessed correctly, he would get his
Free sex.
The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said,
"No, but you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no
free sex this time, but maybe next time."
Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy
this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked
for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same
story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The man guessed (2) this time and the proprietor said,
"Sorry, it was (3). You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy,
"I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give
away free sex."
The buddy, (Bubba) replied, "No tain't rigged, Billy Ray,
it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week.oled
next month, I'm going to throw him a hell of a big party."
» Organic T-Shirts
Car Incentive
Home videos
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For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.
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Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
$1 per month or $10 per year.
Can you afford $1 per month?
To subscribe,
1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber,
2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me,
3) That will get you the free subscption.
If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4.
If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.
Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you
successfully receive the free subscription!
If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you,
then the paid version will not make it through either.
Do NOT complain to me,
if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.
There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what
goes on at your ISP or in your computer.
4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter,
THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at
You can pay easily and securely with PayPal,
even if you don't have a PayPal account.
Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.
If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me.
Please send it to
Webby, inc
Box 646
Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0
Canada
Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia.
I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about
receiving your check.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
71166
| permalink |   ( 3 / 9307 )
Wednesday, November 23, 2011, 01:16 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, November 23
My little yard has been cleaned up quite nicely.
All the leaves have departed eastward,and a new plastic
lawn chair has arrived. Well, not brand new, but new to me.
It is not a warm "hair dryer" Chinook. The warming ripple
is over and it has to melt the snow on the mountains before
it falls down onto the prairie, but it sure beats the cold
winds from the North or East!
Enjoy!
Ophelia
Here is a tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said,
"My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke,
and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years."
The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself.
Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years,
but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time."
"My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud."
"I am," the second mother replied. "And when he gets paroled
next month, I'm going to throw him a hell of a big party."
» Quips n Quotes
"Tower to low-slung FreightLiner: Next time, bring a trailer!"
Car Cleaner
Countries Countries
For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.
|
Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
$1 per month or $10 per year.
Can you afford $1 per month?
To subscribe,
1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber,
2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me,
3) That will get you the free subscption.
If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4.
If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.
Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you
successfully receive the free subscription!
If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you,
then the paid version will not make it through either.
Do NOT complain to me,
if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.
There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what
goes on at your ISP or in your computer.
4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter,
THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at
You can pay easily and securely with PayPal,
even if you don't have a PayPal account.
Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.
If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me.
Please send it to
Webby, inc
Box 646
Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0
Canada
Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia.
I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about
receiving your check.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
|
If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
70978
| permalink | ( 3 / 9330 )
Tuesday, November 22, 2011, 03:02 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, November 22
Money City Madness
On a cold day in the fall
Your daddy had a beard, I think
He got arrested in the morning
On a cold day in the fall
Money City Madness
The banks are stealing
Ripping off the masses
They are evil, have no feeling
We'll block the asses
Money City Madness
On a cold day in the fall.
How we hate the city
Camping in snow is no fun
We're serious, but get no pity
And some are on the run.
Money City Madness
On a cold day in the fall.
Wall Street has no more tarps and tents
A Million bucks and more donations due
Protest leaders at the Mariott high rents
Don't know what to do
Money City Madness
On a cold day in the fall.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
Here is a tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
A Chinese couple while working in a Chinese restaurant,
fall in love and get married - and she's a virgin.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed
sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her
and tries to be reassuring: "My darling, I know dis you firs
time and you bery frighten. I promise you, I give you anyting
you wann, I do anyting you wann.... What you wann?"
"I wann have numma 69" she replies.
He looks at her very puzzled and says,
"You wann . . . . . . Beef with Bloccoli?"
» Black Gold
High Five
Countries
For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.
|
Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
$1 per month or $10 per year.
Can you afford $1 per month?
To subscribe,
1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber,
2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me,
3) That will get you the free subscption.
If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4.
If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.
Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you
successfully receive the free subscription!
If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you,
then the paid version will not make it through either.
Do NOT complain to me,
if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.
There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what
goes on at your ISP or in your computer.
4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter,
THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at
You can pay easily and securely with PayPal,
even if you don't have a PayPal account.
Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.
If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me.
Please send it to
Webby, inc
Box 646
Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0
Canada
Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia.
I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about
receiving your check.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
|
If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
70739
| permalink |  ( 3 / 9310 )
Monday, November 21, 2011, 04:33 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, November 21
Money City Madness
On a cold day in the fall
Your daddy had a beard, I think
He got arrested in the morning
On a cold day in the fall
Money City Madness
The banks are stealing
Ripping off the masses
They are evil, have no feeling
We'll block the asses
Money City Madness
On a cold day in the fall.
How we hate the city
Camping in snow is no fun
We're serious, but get no pity
And some are on the run.
Money City Madness
On a cold day in the fall.
The plummeting temperatures have prompted the Occupy Calgary
demonstrators, who camp out on Olympic Plaza in downtown Calgary,
to demand that the city provide electricity for their camp.
They are pretty well ignored there except by the occasional, really
bored reporter, who needs a filler. The City of Calgary's Director
of Animal and By-law Services, Bill Bruce, the dog catcher, says
supplying electricity is not on the city's agenda.
If they apply and get the proper permits, they can rent portable
generators from Home Depot. The city will enforce safety and
fire regulations, but is not in the business of selling electricity.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Please, help me stay online!
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A scientist from Texas A&M University had invented a bra that keeps
women's breasts from jiggling and also keeps their nipples from pushing
through the fabric when cold weather sets in or when they get aroused.
At the announcement of the new invention, the scientist was dragged
outside by a large group of Texans and had the shit kicked out of him.
The grizzled old Master Chief was conducting the course in boot camp.
He growled at me: "If you were on night sentry duty and saw a figure
crawling towards camp, what procedure would you follow?"
"Well, Master Chief," I answered, "I'd help the officer to his quarters."
Click through for the big version
Sheep Have Right Of Way In Croatia
A happy couple went on a cruise for their honeymoon. Wanting
to impress his new bride with his knowledge of foreign
affairs, the husband asked, "Honey, what do you think about
the Middle East position."
His wife replied, "I don't know, have we already tried it?"
The number of divorces in this country proves that this is the land of
the free. The number of marriages proves that it is truly the home of
the brave.
Bill's friend Harry went into a nightclub
and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself
at the bar, so he asked her to dance.
She agreed and they took to the dance
floor for a slow one. While they were cheek
to cheek, Harry said, "You really smell terrific.
What's that you have on?"
The flattered girl told him it was Channel #5.
Then wanting to return the compliment, she said,
"You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"
Honest Harry replied: "Well, I've got a hard on,
but I didn't think you could smell it."
"A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed
in the middle of the night: 5% said it was to get a glass of
water, 12% said it was to go to the toilet, 83% said it was to go
home"
» Morphed Rocks
Click trhough for the large pictrue
Turkey Caller
438
| permalink | ( 3 / 9318 )
Sunday, November 20, 2011, 03:52 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, November 20
Interesting that nobody liked yesterday's movie.
OK, I'll pick tamer ones from now on.
Money City Madness
Cold day in the fall
Your daddy had a beard, I think
He got arrested in the morning
On a cold day in the fall
Money City Madness
The banks are stealing
Ripping off the masses
They are evil, have no feeling
We'll block the those asses
Money City Madness
On a cold day in the fall.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Please, help me stay online!
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Here is a tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:
The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday
morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven ...
which part of your body goes first?"
Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"
Suzie replied, "... Because when you pray, you hold your hands together
in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"
"What a wonderful answer!" the Nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your
legs".
The Nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little
Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the
other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was
saying, 'O God, I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd
have lost her."
The Nun fainted
» Jungle Vine Brew
Sumsing Turbo 3000 Cellphone
For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.
|
Since July 1, 2011,
the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
$1 per month or $10 per year.
Can you afford $1 per month?
To subscribe,
1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber,
2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me,
3) That will get you the free subscption.
If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4.
If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.
Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you
successfully receive the free subscription!
If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you,
then the paid version will not make it either.
Do NOT complain to me,
if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.
There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what
goes on at your ISP or in your computer.
4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter,
you can pay for your subscription to the full version at
You can pay easily and securely with PayPal,
even if you don't have a PayPal account.
Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.
If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me.
Please send it to
Webby, inc
Box 646
Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0
Canada
Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia.
I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about
receiving your check.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
|
If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.
Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
70388
| permalink | ( 3 / 508 )
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