Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 21

Money City Madness
On a cold day in the fall
Your daddy had a beard, I think
He got arrested in the morning
On a cold day in the fall
Money City Madness

The banks are stealing
Ripping off the masses
They are evil, have no feeling
We'll block the asses
Money City Madness
On a cold day in the fall.

How we hate the city
Camping in snow is no fun
We're serious, but get no pity
And some are on the run.
Money City Madness
On a cold day in the fall.

The plummeting temperatures have prompted the Occupy Calgary 
demonstrators, who camp out on Olympic Plaza in downtown Calgary,
to demand that the city provide electricity for their camp.

They are pretty well ignored there except by the occasional, really
bored reporter, who needs a filler. The City of Calgary's Director 
of Animal and By-law Services, Bill Bruce, the dog catcher, says 
supplying electricity is not on the city's agenda.

If they apply and get the proper permits, they can rent portable
generators from Home Depot. The city will enforce safety and
fire regulations, but is not in the business of selling electricity.

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


A scientist from Texas A&M University had invented a bra that keeps
women's breasts from jiggling and also keeps their nipples from pushing
through the fabric when cold weather sets in or when they get aroused.

At the announcement of the new invention, the scientist was dragged
outside by a large group of Texans and had the shit kicked out of him.

 

The grizzled old Master Chief was conducting the course in boot camp.
He growled at me:  "If you were on night sentry duty and saw a figure
crawling towards camp, what procedure would you follow?"

"Well, Master Chief," I answered, "I'd help the officer to his quarters."




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Sheep Have Right Of Way In Croatia

 



A happy couple went on a cruise for their honeymoon. Wanting
to impress his new bride with his knowledge of foreign
affairs, the husband asked, "Honey, what do you think about
the Middle East position."
His wife replied, "I don't know, have we already tried it?"



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of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



The number of divorces in this country proves that this is the land of
the free. The number of marriages proves that it is truly the home of
the brave.



Bill's friend Harry went into a nightclub
and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself
at the bar, so he asked her to dance.

She agreed and they took to the dance
floor for a slow one. While they were cheek
to cheek, Harry said, "You really smell terrific.
What's that you have on?"

The flattered girl told him it was Channel #5.

Then wanting to return the compliment, she said,
"You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"

Honest Harry replied: "Well, I've got a hard on,
but I didn't think you could smell it."



"A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed
in the middle of the night: 5% said it was to get a glass of
water, 12% said it was to go to the toilet, 83% said it was to go
home"



 » Morphed Rocks



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Turkey Caller

Since 1/1/11


             Countries

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 19

Souvenirs of occupy ‘ball’ street
Rush for pregnancy, STD and HIV tests.
Occupy Wall Street protesters are flocking to nearby health 
clinics for STD and HIV testing after getting their freak on in 
’60s-style hookups with scruffy strangers.
Volunteers at the medical tent hand out cash, usually $15 or $20, 
so the randy radicals can visit clinics that cater to a low-income 
clientele.


Cold day in the fall
Money City Madness
Your daddy had a beard, I think
Got arrested in the morning
on a cold day in the fall
Money City Madness

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	



Since 1/1/11

             Countries
 

A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he 
had been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful," says the mother, 
"What part is it?" 

The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!" 

The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher 
you want a speaking part."



Greg was explaining the facts of life to his teenage nephew. After
covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of
lovemaking. "One thing to keep in mind is that different women
say different things during the sex act, even if you are doing 
the same thing."

"What do you mean, Uncle Greg?"

Well, for example, their words will vary according to their occupation.
For example, a prostitute will tend to say, "Are you done yet?" On the
other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, "Are you done already?"

"What do other women say?"

Well, a schoolteacher will say, "We are going to do this over and over
again until you get it right!" A nurse will say, "This won't hurt one bit."

I thought they said, "Pull down your pants and bend over."

That's a male nurse. But let's move on, a bank teller will say,
"Substantial penalty for early withdrawal." A stewardess will say,
"Place this over your mouth and lick normally."

"And what does Aunty Keli say? "

She says, "Beige ... beige... I think we should paint the ceiling beige." 



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When Jock  moved to London he constantly annoyed his English
acquaintances by boasting about how great Scotland was. 
Finally, in exasperation, one said, "Well, if Scotland's 
so marvelous, how come you didn't stay there?" 

"Well," explained  Jock "they're all so clever up there, 
so, being dumb as shit, I had to come down here, to have 
any chance of making it at all."



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby


Dear Webby's Humor Letter



One day, Little Johnny, bored out of his mind, went to his father for
suggestions on what to do to pass the time. "I'll tell you what," said
his father, "take this dollar and run into town and get me a dollars
worth of what's what."

Little Johnny grabbed the dollar, hopped on his bike and rode into town.
Once there, he had to decide what store would have the what's what.

He stopped in front of the pharmacy and went in. He went to the
pharmacist's desk, held up the dollar and said, "I'd like a dollars
worth of what's what, please."

The pharmacist knew immediately that Little Johnny was on a wild goose
chase and said, "If you go across the street, to the house with the red
light on the front porch, they can get you some what's what."

Little Johnny ran across the street and knocked on the front door. A
tall, stunning blonde, completely naked opened the front door. Her
crotch was right in Little Johnny's face. Pointing to it he said,
"what's that?"

"What's what?" the whore replied.

"Good, I'll take a dollars worth," said Little Johnny.



AMERICAN MOVIE RATING SYSTEM EXPLAINED
G :  Nobody gets the girl.

PG :  The Good Guy Gets The Girl.

R :  The Bad Guy Gets The Girl.

X :  Everybody Gets The Girl.

XXX : Everybody gets the girl, her mother, her sister, etc.



The Italian says, "When I'vea finished a makina da love 
with my girlfriend, I go down and gently tickle the back of 
her knees, she floatsa 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy".

The Frenchman replies, "Zat is nothing, when Ah 'ave finished 
making ze love with ze girlfriend, Ah kiss all ze way down her 
body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and 
she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy".

The Englishman says, "Mate, that's nothing. When I've 
finished shagging my bird,  I get out of bed, walk over to the 
window and wipe my dick on the curtains.  She hits the 
f#cking roof and doesn't stop screaming for two hours!"



 » Hubble On The Take



Topless Equality Protest in Miami