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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, February 21 We have enough fresh snow to make everything look bright and clean, but little enough, so that it is no nuisance for walking or driving. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Little Johnny and his friend Billy were playing in a lane, and found a donkey that had died with a hard on. Being mischievous, Little Johnny cut off the donkey's dick and began brandishing it in the air. Just then a police officer on his bicycle came up the lane. Little Johnny didn't want to be caught with it, so he tossed it over the wall of the Nunnery. Sister Agnes and Sister Mary taking their afternoon stroll found the dick in the bushes. "Oh sweet Jesus," says Sister Agnes. "What's wrong?" asks Sister Mary. "You've gone as white as a sheet." "It's those dirty protestant bastards," Sister Agnes replies. "They have murdered Father O'Toole!"
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Lemon and Peas Pasta Salad Dish Ingredients 1 pound bow-tie or small shell pasta Salt 1 package (10-ounce) frozen small peas 2 lemons 2/3 cup milk 1/2 cup light mayonnaise 1/4 teaspoon(s) coarsely ground black pepper 1 cup(s) (loosely packed) fresh basil leaves, chopped 4 green onions, thinly sliced Directions In large saucepot, cook pasta in boiling salted water as label directs, adding frozen peas during last 2 minutes of cooking time. Drain pasta and peas; rinse with cold water and drain well. Meanwhile, from lemons, grate 1 tablespoon peel and squeeze 3 tablespoons lemon juice. In large bowl, with wire whisk, mix lemon peel and juice with milk, mayonnaise, pepper, basil, green onions, and 1 teaspoon salt until blended. Add pasta and peas to mayonnaise dressing; toss to coat well. Cover and refrigerate up to two days if not serving right away. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, February 20 Interesting that the media suddenly get excited about Israel possibly attacking Iran. They point out that the US definitely won't help Israel, since Obama is on Iran's side, and that therefore Israel does not have a chance to succeed, unless they use nuclrear bombs. What they don't mention is Britain and France, who did a LOT of practising in Libya, and who managed to provoke Iran into cutting off oil sales to them. It is obvious that Britain wants to be involved, and is itching for an incident of provocation, but strange, that the media is so quiet about their preparations. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Martin was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the reason for his haste, he shivered and explained: "I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in my payments, she might decide to repossess me."
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna CABBAGE ROLLS DORM VERSION Ingredients: 1 10 oz can diced tomatoes with herbs and spices 1 8 oz can spiced tomato PASTE 1 pound Garlic Ring sausage 4 handfuls instant rice 1 head cabbage 1 TBSP dried onion chips 1 TBSP dried parsley chips 1 tsp garlic salt 1 tsp black pepper Directions: put 3 leaves of cabbage per person into frying pan weigh them down with a plate, cover them with water and boil until they are limp. Drain and let cool. Cut sausage into small cubes Mix all the other ingredients. Use a baking pan for the next step, or it is going to bereally messy. Take a limp cabbage leaf and spoon about a handful of the mixed stuff into the center of it, and roll it up into a reasonably neat cabbage roll. Peg it with a toothpick. Or two or three tooth picks, Put the finished cabbage rolls into the frying pan or casserole or crock-pot. Pour the remaining goop over them. I fnecessary, add another can of diced and spiced tomatoes. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes. Leftover cabbage rolls (if thereever are any!) can be put into ziplock baggies and frozen or traded. NOTE: rolling the cabbage rolls takes a bit of practise, but canbelearned. It will be a lot less messy the second time around. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna PLEASE Let me know if you like the new recipe section!
Why Dogs Bite People
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Since July 1, 2011,
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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, February 19 The weather was greatin the morning, but it clouded over towards evening. Still a lot better than what they have in Europe. It seems, the more fanatic and hysterical they were about Gullible Warming and CO2, the more they are getting punished for it. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
How we change from the first baby to later ones: Names First Child: Your name was inspired by a woman of royalty. She was loved by millions. Second Child: Your name was inspired by a beloved member of the family. Everyone loved her. Third Child: Your name was inspired by my favorite professional wrestler, Hulk Hogan. He could beat the crap out of anybody. Holding the new baby First Child: We're the only ones who can hold her. Second Child: You can hold her, but you have to wash your hands first. Third Child: Someone please hold this kid for me! Food and Feeding First Child: I will feed you only pesticide-free organic foods that I've prepared by hand in a carefully-sanitized kitchen. Second Child: I will feed you baby foods from a jar that don't have preservatives or additives. Third Child: Do you want corn dogs or chili dogs for breakfast? Safety First Child: Don't run in the house. You could fall and hurt yourself. Second Child: Don't run with scissors. Third Child: Don't play with Daddy's good chainsaw. Sleeping/Naps First Child: You need to go to bed by 8:30. Second Child: You need to go to bed by 9:00. Third Child: It's 11:30, I'm going to bed. Turn the TV off when you're done. Television watching First Child: You can watch one hour of educational TV per day. Second Child: You can watch two hours of regular TV per day. Third Child: My TV is broken, can I watch yours? Bathing First Child: Your baths will be a mixture of sparkling spring water and pasteurized milk with essential oils Second Child: Your baths will be a mixture of warm water and baby oil Third Child: We'll hose you off in the backyard twice a week.
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna TOP OF STOVE STUFFED CABBAGE Ingredients: 1 can(s) (28 ounces) diced tomatoes 1.25 pound(s) lean (90%) ground beef 1 bag(s) (8.8 ounces) heat-and-serve precooked rice pilaf, do not heat 1 cup(s) loosely packed fresh mint leaves, coarsely chopped 1 head(s) (about 2 pounds) green cabbage, cored Directions: Put 1 cup canned tomatoes with some juice in a medium bowl. Pour remaining tomatoes with juice into nonstick 12-inch skillet. To tomatoes in bowl, add beef, rice, mint, 3/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper and stir. Remove 8 large cabbage leaves from head. Spoon 1/2 cup meat mixture into center of each leaf; arrange, open side up, in skillet over tomatoes. Cover skillet and cook mixture over medium-high heat 20 minutes or until beef loses its pink color. To serve, place 2 stuffed cabbage leaves on each of 4 dinner plates. Spoon tomato sauce over cabbage. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna PLEASE Let me know if you like the new recipe section!
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Since July 1, 2011,
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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, February 18 I read some interesting stats today. 41% of the kids born these days are born to women, who are not married, 53 % of those kids are born to women under 30. Why? Lack of permanent jobs makes eligible bachelors a rarity, and a generous social safety-net and social programs make it easier for singles to have kids. Crime stats seem to shadow sigle parent births with a 15 year lag. That could get worrysome, especially for the big cities. Gun related deaths are already higher in Washington and New Orleans than in Afghanistan. They are likely to get considerably worse. I am glad I am not in one of those cities! Enjoy! Ophelia
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A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, " Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license." Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and handed it to the pharmacist. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription! We do have some remedies for that."
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Esquimo Nebula, only 5000 light years away.
Mommy, Am I a people? No, you're a chicken. Do chickens come from people? No, chickens come from eggs. Are eggs born? No, eggs are laid. Are people laid? Some are, others are chicken.
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
try the newsletter of my friend and coach, Dear Webby Dear Webby's Humor Letter |
A woman was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged. The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, "Momma, look at the bowlegged man!" Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment. For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play. Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall. Again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time. So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are these, who wear their balls in parentheses?"
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna ITALIAN PIZA CASSEROLE DORM VERSION Makes 6 big men servings or for 8 dainty ladies Ingredients: 1 KD (Graft Dindin) 1 lb garlic sausage ring or similar, cut it into small cubes 1 8 oz can of pizza sauce 1 8 oz cans tomato PASTE 1 8 oz can of Steakhouse mushrooms 1 8 oz can of pineapple, drink the juice 1 green bell pepper, chopped 2 tomatoes, cubed 1 10 oz bag of shredded cheddar / mozarella mix 1 tablespoon dried parsley 1 teaspoon dried oregano 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper Directions: Cook the KD noodles according to package directions; drain Throw the chemo powder away or use it for sidewalk maintenance. Grease the big electric frying pan or electric casserole Toss all ingredients into it and mix well. Cover with the metal lid and bake 20 minutes. When done, let it cool for a few minutes, then slam-dunk it upside down onto aluminum foil. Let it cool some more, until you can cut it without it running or bulging too much. Cut it into portions and wrap leftover portions in foil and put each into a ziplock baggie for freezing or trading. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna PLEASE Let me know if you like the new recipe section!
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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, February 17 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!England is getting more and more concerned, that Scotland will secede, and take Trillions of pounds of oil money from all the North Sea oil with them. It does not take a genius to figure out, that would put England into bigger financial problems than what Greece has. It is also no secret, that the Scots have never been really proud of having been conquered and defeated by the Englsih, and even though they grudgingly accepted economic and welfare aid for centuries, they are not really that proud of that fact. So they are gearing up for a big referendum in 2014, about how hard and how swiftly they will kick the Limeys. While English politicians are getting desperate, for most Scots the conclusion is obvious and they are just trying not to grin too happily.
Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." "What's the problem?" the doctor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away." "My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you." The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office quite excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor. "It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women." "So, what's your problem?" "I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna ITALIAN PIZA CASSEROLE Makes 8 to 10 servings Ingredients: 3 cups uncooked ziti noodles 1 pound ground sausage 1 onion, chopped 1 green bell pepper, chopped 3 cloves garlic, minced 2 (15-ounce) cans tomato sauce 1 (14.5-ounce) can diced tomatoes with basil, garlic, and oregano 1 (3-ounce) package sliced pepperoni, chopped 1 (2.25-ounce) can sliced black olives, drained 1 1/2 cups quartered fresh mushrooms 1 tablespoon dried parsley 1 teaspoon dried oregano 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper 2 cups (8 ounces) shredded mozzarella cheese, divided Directions: Cook pasta according to package directions; drain and set aside. Preheat oven to 350°. Lightly grease a 13x9-inch baking dish. In a large skillet, cook sausage, onion, bell pepper, and garlic over medium heat until sausage is browned and crumbly; drain well. Spoon sausage mixture into a large bowl. Stir in tomato sauce, tomatoes, pepperoni, olives, mushrooms, parsley, oregano, salt, and pepper. Stir in 1 cup mozzarella cheese. Add cooked ziti, tossing gently to combine. Spoon mixture into prepared baking dish. Top with remaining 1 cup mozzarella. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes or until casserole is hot and bubbly. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna PLEASE Let me know if you like the new recipe section!
Doing donuts on the pond
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Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
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