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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, September 15 Sorry about having the same joke twice yesterday. Did anybody notice? I try not to do that, but it can happen, especially with a very trigger-hapy mouse. DearWebby talked me into a five button Explorer mouse years ago, with the thumb buttons on the left side set for copy and paste. The tip of the thumb copies, the ball of the thumb pastes. That part is great, however, if I am reaching for my cup of coffee and accidentally nudge the side of the mouse, it pastes again, what I have pasted last. I'll be more careful. Enjoy! OpheliaFor more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's performance. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"
Upcycled pet beds
Today's Movie: Click through to "Monster Attack"
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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, September 14 Enjoy! OpheliaFor more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
From Will Where's my Wife? This is how you find her. You approach a beautiful woman in the large supermarket and say: "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" The woman looks puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a woman with boobs like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere "
In the full version, today's movie is: Rear Waitress. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Since July 1, 2011,
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Ophelia
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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, September 13 The wild goose berries are ripe. They are not like the much larger, light colored "tame" ones, and quite strong. It seems almost like the same amount of flavor is delivered in a berry 1/8 the size of the tame ones. I know some bushes of wild goose berries, and will be sneaking up on them shortly. Enjoy! OpheliaFor more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, " My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays." The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a Lutheran minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply: "Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath !" Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. The Rabbi briefly ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?" The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it. Unfortunately, that is not the case."
In the full version, today's movie is: Libya. "None of the civilians are shooting back, just heroic freedom fighters teaching the world who is boss of Libya now! The British ammo might be staledated, but it is free, and there is plenty of it. Real Democracy!" Enjoy! Ophelia
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Ophelia
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, September 12 The beautiful late summer weather changed. The wind dried the laundry almost as fast as I hung it up. I got it all dry and in by the time th first lawn chair flew by. I don't think it is a real Chinook, though. Just a windy weather change. Enjoy! OpheliaFor more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the one dollar per month version. Of course, there are a lot more of them in the full version, plus the pictures of the day and the movie of the day.
"Darling," murmured the girl to her boyfriend, "when did you first realise that you were in love with me?" "Well, I suppose.." whispered the man tenderly, "it was when I started getting angry with all the other guys in the office who said you were a lousy lay."
In the full version, today's movie is "Beach Exercise" Enjoy! Ophelia
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Ophelia
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, September 11 Welcome Ray! It really cheers me, whenever I get to tuck a new member into the list. Thanks to whoever drug Ray in out of the rain! Enjoy! Ophelia
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An elderly lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up gain, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck. A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says, "I see she caught YOU at it, too!"
Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception? A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives. Q: What is a wedding tragedy? A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money.
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Judi said, "So I guess my ex wanted to distract me because right in the middle of the argument he stopped and said, 'Now, hon. You know I want what's best for you!'" Carly replied, "What'd you say to that?" "I asked him, 'How soon can you be packed and out of here?' I have not seen him since."
A young lady got into a terrible car accident. Her face was burned terribly. The doctors couldn't use any skin on her body to graft onto her face for reconstructive surgery. As a result, her husband offered the skin off his butt for the surgery. She had the surgery and was as beautiful after as she was before the surgery. One night she and her husband were watching TV when she broke down crying. "What's the matter?" her husband asked. She said "I can't believe you did this for me." Her husband hugged her and replied, "Don't worry about it, I love you, and I'd do anything for you." But how will I ever repay you?" she asked. He replied, "You don't need to repay me. You wouldn't believe the satisfaction I get every time I see your mom kiss you on the cheek."
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
try the newsletter of my friend and coach, Dear Webby Dear Webby's Humor Letter |
Four retired guys are walking down a street in Miami Beach. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Old Timer's Bar - ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS ! ". They look at each other then go in. On the inside, they realize in this case, they should not judge the 'book by its cover.' The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully-stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini. In short order, the bar- tender serves up 4 iced martinis - shaken not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 cents each , please." The four men stare at the bartender for a moment then look at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, ..."That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis, and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?" "Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same." "Wow. That's quite a story." says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, "Oh, those are Senatos. They're waiting for happy hour."
Sand Art
Today's Movie:
Click through to "Power of Butt"
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