What is the Mening of EF and FF?
Sunday, July 15, 2012, 05:47 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, July 15
Mario, at @irs.gov:
The recipient's mailbox is full and can't accept messages now.
Even if you got a computer at home now, you should still
check your work email now and then, to avoid getting yelled at!
Yesterday I was over at my neighbor's trailer. Maryann had
made Jello for the first time in her life. She had liked the
firm Jello cubes she got for desert at a restaurant and
wanted to make some.
She claimed she had followed the recipe, and poured it
over a bunch of pitted cherries, but it did not set up.
She was about to heave the bowl into the garbage.
I looked at it, and it did have a shiny, liquidy sheen on top,
but when I shook the bowl, it jiggled like I do, when I got
my bra set for comfort.
So I told her I would take it and pray over it, and bring
her back the bowl, nice and clean.
It turned out that her Jello did not need very much praying
at all and was delicious!
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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A woman checked in at the pearly gates and asked
to join her former husband, Walter Smith.
Saint Peter said, "We have five million Walter
Smiths. Give us a little clue."
The woman said, "My Walter is bald and has blue
eyes, and he said that if I ever slept with
another man he'd turn over in his grave."
Saint Peter motioned an angel forward. "Take her
to Whirly Walter!"
Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local
bar, when one said to the other:
"If I ask you a question, would you promise to answer me
honestly?"
"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."
"Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around
here find my wife so attractive?"
"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the
second guy.
"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired the first
fellow. "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"
"Well," replied his friend, "you must be the only guy who hasn't
noticed that she can't say 'NO'!"
Click through the picture for full size
A woman goes to see her Podiatrist. She says,
"Doc, I just got back from a few weeks in the Bahamas and the
weather was so great I spent most of the days just lying on the
sand. But the strangest thing happened. Whenever a good looking
guy came by, I would get this strange tingling sensation between
my toes."
The podiatrist thought this was kind of unusual and examined her.
He asked her if she had this sensation between all of her toes.
"Actually no," She replied, "Just between my 2 big toes!"
"Well, Ma'am, there is only one way to cure that. Undress,
lie down on this table and spread your legs like you do when
that strange tingling occurs."
One day Little Johnny's teacher, decided to play a spelling game. She
gave a letter of the alphabet and the kids have to spell a word starting
with that letter, then use it in a sentence. Starting with "A" Little
Johnny's hand was continually in the air, but the teacher ignored him.
Little Johnny had a propensity for lewd remarks and could turn the
simplest of statements into sexual innuendo. The teacher was afraid to
let Johnny use any letter that he could turn into a lewd statement.
"All right now, Susan, you first?" said the teacher.
"A is for Ape, A-P-E, An ape likes bananas" answered Susan.
"Excellent " said the teacher.
She continues on through the alphabet. Finally she reaches F. Now she
will NOT let Little Johnny answer this under any circumstances so she
asks Mary.
"F is for Fairy F-A-I-R-Y, they're little girls who lives among the
flowers", Mary replies.
"Great", says the teacher. "Now we get to G".
Only Little Johnny has his hand up so the teacher thinks
about this and decides "G" is a safe one.
"Yes Johnny?" She asks.
"G is for Gnome G-N-O-M-E. A Gnome lives among
the flowers too".
"Johnny! That's Excellent!" Exclaims the teacher,
very happy that for once he wasn't out of line.
Little Johnny goes on to say, "Yes, teacher, he's
the one who screws the fairies!"
The aircraft carrier U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln was finally inching up to
the pier at homeport when the Captain of the ship noticed a sailor on
the flight deck gesturing wildly with semaphore flags. He then noticed
an attractive young woman standing on top of a station wagon, also
waving semaphore flags.
Always concerned about security and never having seen something
like this, the Captain barked at his Bridge Signalman,
"What message are those two people sending?"
The Signalman concentrated intently and soon reported,
"Sir, he is sending FOXTROT-FOXTROT and
she is sending ECHO-FOXTROT."
Not having any clue as to what these messages could mean,
the Captain dispatched an armed Marine to escort the sailor
back to the Bridge. The sailor arrived, out of breath from running up
the many stairs to the bridge, and saluted smartly.
"Seaman Endicott reporting as ordered, sir!"
"Seaman", shouted the Captain, "Who is that woman on the pier
and why are you exchanging signals FF and EF?"
"Sir, that's my wife, Sir, and she wants to eat first!"
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Pork Chops & Peachy Barbecue Sauce
Ingredients:
1/4 cup plus 1/2 tsp salt, divided
1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
2 cups boiling water
3 cups ice cubes
4 bone-in pork chops, 1/2-3/4 inch thick
2 ripe but firm peaches, pits out & quartered,
or 3 cups frozen sliced peaches
1 medium tomato, cut in quarters and seeds cut out
2 tablespoons cider vinegar
1 tablespoon oil
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 teaspoons finely chopped fresh ginger
(or 1/3 teaspoon powdered ginger0
2 tablespoons honey
1/4 teaspoon pepper, even add more to taste
Directions
Place 1/4 cup salt and brown sugar (brine mixture) in a medium
heat-proof bowl. Pour in boiling water and stir to dissolve.
Add ice cubes and stir to cool.
Add pork chops, cover and let sit in refrigerater
for at least 30 minutes or up to 4 hours.
Puree peaches, tomato and vinegar in a food
processor until smooth.
About 30 minutes before you're ready to cook the
pork chops, heat oil in a medium saucepan over
medium-high heat. Add onion and cook, stirring
occasionally, until golden brown, 5 to 7 minutes.
Add ginger and cook, stirring frequently, until fragrant, 1 to 2 minutes.
Add the peach puree, the remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt,
honey and pepper to taste. Bring to a boil over high heat,
then reduce the heat to a simmer. Cook until reduced by about half,
20 to 25 minutes. Reserve 1/4 cup of the sauce for basting the chops;
keep the remaining sauce warm in the saucepan until ready to serve.
Preheat grill to medium.
Remove the pork chops from the salt & brown sugar (brine mixture)
and rinse well, then dry with paper towels. Season the chops with
1/4 teaspoon pepper and brush both sides with some of the reserved
sauce.
Grill the pork chops, turning once, until an instant-read thermometer
inserted into the center registers 145, 2 to 4 minutes per side.
Transfer to a plate, tent with foil and let rest for 5 minutes.
Serve with the warm peach barbecue sauce on the side.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
1008
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Saturday, July 14, 2012, 07:18 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, July 14
Thanks for renewing, John!
Thick fog outside, visibility is about 20 feet.
It will all blow away and for the afternoon they predict
noisy weather: Thundershowers.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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An older couple went to the doctors office together.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the
doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,"
and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an
appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then
leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to
find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married
and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $140. The Hilton charges $158. We do it here for
$50, and I get $43 back from Medicare!"
>From Liz
Our dog suddenly began barking daily at 4 a.m.
Irritated and sleepy, my husband, Larry,
searched the back yard for what might
have disturbed this otherwise placid animal.
For three days he found nothing amiss.
Then the dog woke up the neighborhood
at 3 a.m. with frantic barking.
When Larry looked out the window, he
discovered someone throwing pebbles
to land near Longie.
Larry hurried outside and found the culprit.
Crouching on the other side of the fence
was our quiet neighbor, the last man you'd
suspect of wrongdoing.
My husband demanded to know what he was doing.
"My mother-in-law is visiting," the embarrassed
neighbor explained. "If she loses her beauty sleep
another night, she says she'll leave."
Click through the picture for full size
A professor at the University is giving a
seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks them,
"How many folk here believe in ghosts?"
About 80 students raise their hands. "That's
a good start," says the professor, "For those
who believe in ghosts, do any of you think
you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good," continues the professor,
"I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has
anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response," remarks the
impressed professor, "has anyone here
ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands.
"Brilliant. But let me ask you one question further...
Have any of you ever been intimate with a ghost?"
One of his students from a Redneck state raises
his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes
off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son,
all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one
has ever claimed that. You've got to come up here
and tell us about your experience".
The redneck student replies with a nod and begins
to make his way up to the podium. The professor
asks, "Well, tell us what it's like to have made love
to a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost?!? Dang it!...
Back there where I sat, it sounded like `goats.' "
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls
and they all perish.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly
gates past St. Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl, "Jessica, have you
ever had any contact
with a penis?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once
touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger
in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question,
"Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well
once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in The
Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in
the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the
front of the line.
When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter
says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle
that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany
sticks her fat ass in it."
The colonel had three Second Lieutenants eligible for promotion. The
problem was, he only had one First Lieutenant Slot available. The
colonel called the first butter-bar into his office and said, "This is a
promotion test. If I was to tell you that I wanted a flag pole erected
in front of Post HQ by 1700, what would you do?"
The first 2nd Looey thought about it for a second, and said, "Sir, I
would get a shovel, head for HQ and start digging..."
"You're not ready to be promoted," the Colonel interrupted.
The colonel asked the same question of the next candidate.
"Sir," said the next butter-bar, "I would fill out a CE work order,
making sure I made provisions for the appropriate environmental study
and..."
"You are definitely not ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
The Colonel asked the question of the final candidate. Without
hesitation, the Lieutenant said, "Sir. I would call the First Sergeant,
and say, 'Top, I want a fucking flag pole in front of HQ by 16:45!"
"You're ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight
attendant gave the passengers the usual drivel regarding
seat belts etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy
your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew
take you safely to your destination."
Joe sitting in the 8th row thought to himself,
"Did hear her right - is the captain a woman?
I think I better have scotch and soda."
When the attendants came by with drink cart, he said,
"Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas.
I don't know what to think of all those women up there in
the cockpit."
"That's another thing," said the attendant, "We no longer
call it the cockpit. It's called 'Box Office' now."
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Pulled Chicken in Crock Pot
Ingredients:
1 8 ounce can tomato sauce
1 4 ounce can chopped green chilies, drained
3 tablespoons cider vinegar
2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon paprika
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
2 teaspoons dry mustard
1 teaspoon ground chipotle chile (optional)
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 1/2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs, fat trimmed off
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
Directions
Stir tomato sauce, chilies, vinegar, honey, paprika, tomato
paste, Worcestershire sauce, mustard, ground chipotle
(optional) and salt in a 6-quart slow cooker until smooth.
Add chicken, onion and garlic; stir to combine.
Put the lid on and cook on low until the chicken can be
pulled apart (shredded) into small shreds, about 5 hours.
Transfer the chicken to a cutting board and shred,
even more, with a fork.
Return the chicken to the sauce, stir well and serve.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
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Friday, July 13, 2012, 05:30 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, July 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Friday the 13th!
Bad things wil happen to those,
who are superstitious!
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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It's Harold's first day in the car pool. They honk the horn in
front of his house and he comes running out.
He gets about halfway down the walk when he hears a grunt and the
sound of his wife's foot tapping on the porch. He turns around
and there she is, scowling at him.
He runs back to the steps, spreads her bathrobe, bends over,
kisses her on the privates, runs back down the walk and hops in
the car.
They ride in silence for a few minutes, until Walter, the driver,
has to ask,
"Harold, it's none of my business, but why'd you kiss her down
there?"
Harold says, "You wouldn't believe her breath in the morning."
This lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this
handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts.
Making sure she goes through his line, she leans over and asks if
he'll carry her groceries out to which he responds, "Sure lady."
They no sooner get out of the store when she again leans over and
whispers,
"You know, I have an itchy pussy."
To which he responds, "You'll have to point it out lady, all
those Japanese cars look alike to me!!"
Click through the picture for full size
A teacher was reviewing her class's homework assignment. She
asked Susan to stand up and tell the class what part of the human
body enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated.
Susan stood up, shuffled her feet and said, "Well, I think I
know, but I'm too embarrassed to tell you."
The teacher said, "Sit down, Susan. Johnny, tell the class what
part of the human body enlarges to seven times its size when
stimulated."
Johnny said, "That's easy. The pupil of the eye enlarges
to seven times its original size when stimulated by
lack of light."
The teacher said, "That's right, Johnny."
Then she turned to Susan and said, "Susan, first of all, you
didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And
third, when you get a real boyfriend, you're going to be
in for a big disappointment."
Three international convicts were on their way to prison. They
were each allowed to take one item with them to help occupy their
time while incarcerated.
On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you
bring?"
The French convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he
intended to paint every day. He wanted to become the "Claude
Monet of prison."
Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"
The Israeli convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I
brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any
number of games."
The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself.
The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What
did you bring?"
The Polish convict pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He
said. "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with
those?"
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well, according to
this, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating . . ."
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play
racquetball. Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing
nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.
As he passes the first woman, she looks down at his penis. "He's
not my husband," she says.
He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis.
"He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the
unit.
He passes by the third woman, who takes a good long look as he
runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member
of this club."
This one is a classic from the early days of the Soviet Union,
when they were still pushing Communism:
Seems the Soviet Department of Information Services (Ministry of
Propaganda) was out in the field, taking "The Revolution" to the
people: explaining the fundamentals of Socialism to the populace
to bolster popularity.
A member of the Department was out talking to a farmer in
Siberia...
Official: So you see, comrade, dat it iz de way Marx explained:
"From each according to his abilities, to each according to his
needs." You understand?
Farmer: (confused) Nyet...
Official: OK. Iz like dis: Say a comrade has two cows. Ve take
one cow from him and give it to comrade that has no cow. Dat is
de Rewolution. You see?
Farmer: Da, Da! Iz good!
Official: And if a comrade has two tractors, ve take one of his
tractors and give to man who has no tractors. Da?
Farmer: Da! Da! Is WERY good!
Official: And if a comrade has two cheekens, ve give one cheeken
to man who has no cheekens. Da?
Farmer: Nyet! Iz not good!
Official: Why not?
Farmer: I have two cheekens...
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
DORM STYEL Apple &Cinnamon "Wood Pile"
Ingredients:
3 cups milk
4 eggs
1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 lb Pile of croutons (unseasoned, just dried bread cubes)
2 shredded or grated apples
1/2 cup raisins
1 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3 TBSP brown sugar
Directions
Preheat oven to 350.
Put the croutons and apples into a large, greased caserole
Whisk milk, eggs and therest of the ingredients in a round bowl
Pour it over the croutons and mix, so that all of them are wetted.
Bake the casserole, covered, for 40 minutes.
Uncover and continue baking 10 minutes.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
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Thursday, July 12, 2012, 06:58 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, July 12
Thanks to Roy for renewing his subscription!
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Please, help me stay online!
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A New York politician died and arrived at the pearly gates.
Saint Peter asks him, "What have you done to merit entrance into
Heaven?"
The politician thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a
quarter to a homeless person on the street."
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and
after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter
said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get
you into Heaven."
The politician said, "Wait, Wait! There's more! Three years ago I
also gave a homeless person a quarter."
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back,
affirming this, too, had been verified. Saint Peter then
whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this
fellow?"
Gabriel gave the politician a sidelong glance, then said to Saint
Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to
Hell."
A man longs to wed a maiden with her virtue intact. He searches
for one but resigns himself to the fact that every female over
the age of 16 in his town has already been at it.
Finally he decides to take matters in hand and adopts a baby girl
from the orphanage. He raises her until she is walking and
talking and then sends her away to a monastery for safekeeping
until marrying age.
After many years she finally reaches maturity and he retrieves
her from the monastery and marries her. After the wedding they
make their way back to his house and into the bedroom where they
both prepare themselves for the consummation.
They lie down together in his bed and he reaches over for a jar
of petroleum jelly.
"Why the jelly," she asks him?
"So I do not hurt your most delicate parts during the act of
lovemaking," he replies.
"Well why don't you just spit on it like the monks did
when I was young?"
Click through the picture for full size
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand
new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world,
and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops
for a red light.
An old man on a moped (looking about 75 years old) pulls up next
to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks,
"What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million
dollars!"
"That's a lot of money, "says the old man. "Why does it cost so
much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the
young dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in
the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, the
old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right ... but I'll
stick with my moped!"
Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old
man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 20 seconds
the speedometer reads 160 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to
be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and
suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much
faster!!!!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young
man asks himself.
He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the
moped. Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari he gives it
some more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. Whoooooosh!
He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees
the old man gaining on him again. Astounded by the speed of this
old guy he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way
up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him
again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do.
Suddenly the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari,
demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and
unbelievably, the old man is still alive!!! He runs up to the
mangled old man and says, "Oh my God! Is there anything I can do
for you?"
The old man whispers "Unhook...my suspenders from
your side mirror."
----------------
That reminds me, a couple of weeks ago week some guy
bought some new sneakers, hoping they would help him get a
job with Parks. They didn't.
So he jumped off the Calgary tower.
And bounced back up, and down and up.
After a week they had to shoot him down. He was becoming
a real hazard in the parking lot.
Dad came home one day in an exceptionally horny mood and took his wife
upstairs for sex. Just when they were really getting into it, their
young son entered the room and started to cry.
"What's wrong, son?" the father asked. "Why are you crying?"
"You're hurting my mommy," the little boy replied.
"No, no," the father reassured.
"I'm not hurting her. We are making babies."
This seemed to calm the boy, and when he left the room the couple went
back to their business.
The next day the father came home from work in the middle of the day
and found his son on the steps, crying.
"What's the matter NOW?" asked Dad.
"It's those babies you were making with mommy yesterday," the boy
answered. "The mailman is upstairs eating them!"
A young couple were in a car parked on Lovers Lane and the
young man turned admiringly to his pretty date and said, "Gee,
you smell good. You wearing perfume or something?"
The girl blushed charmingly and confessed that she was
wearing a new perfume that she'd bought especially with him
in mind. "You smell good, too," she aid, "What do you have on?"
"Well, I have a hard-on," blurted the young man," but I didn't
know that you could smell it."
There was a virgin who was going out on a date for the first
time.
Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about young
boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like
that, but don't let him do it."
She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breasts; you are
going to like that, but don't let him do it. He is going to try
to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that,
but don't let him do it.
Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to
try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going
to like that, but don't let him do it. It will disgrace our
family."
With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her
date.
The next day she told her grandmother that everything went just
as the old lady had said.
She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace our family.
When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced
his family."
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Apple &Cinnamon French Toast
Ingredients:
3 cups milk (non-fat or regular)
2 cups pasteurized liquid egg whites (Egg Beaters work well)
3 tablespoons honey
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1-pound loaf sliced bread
1 cup chopped dried apples, (or chop a fresh apple, about 3 ounces)
1/2 cup raisins
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 tablespoon confectioners' sugar
Directions
Whisk milk, egg whites, honey, vanilla and salt in a large bowl.
Trim crusts off 8 bread slices and set aside.
Cut the crusts and the remaining bread into 1-inch pieces.
Toss with dried apples, raisins, cinnamon and nutmeg in
another large bowl.
Coat a 9-by-13-inch baking pan with cooking spray (or use
your favorite baking oil). Transfer the bread mixture to the pan.
Lay the reserved crustless slices evenly on top, trimming to fit.
Whisk the milk mixture one more time, then pour evenly over
the bread. Press the bread down with the back of a wooden
spoon, making sure it's evenly moist. Cover with parchment
paper, then foil, and refrigerate for at least 8 hours or
up to 24 hours.
Preheat oven to 350.
Bake the casserole, covered, for 40 minutes. Uncover and
continue baking until puffed, set and lightly browned,
about 20 minutes more. Let stand for 10 minutes.
Dust with powdered sugar and serve.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
995
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Wednesday, July 11, 2012, 04:52 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, July 1`
Congratulations to these friends for renewing their
subscriptions:
Shirley
Richard
Billy
Frank
Janet
Bean
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Looks like the electioneering has started in the US.
Yes, I know, having my address publicly on the web is
inviting spam. Since I really don't want a gold plated
cast iron yuppie watch (The knuckle-draggers use them
to balance the notebook in the other hand), and since I
don't need any male performance enhancing drugs,
I use < href="http://webby.com/mailwasher">MailWasher to nuke all that crap right on the server.
Somehow the sheeple herders must think I would fall for
their BS. Not bloody likely!
It inspires me, though, to craft efficient filters to clip
all electioneering right on the server, without ever
downloading it. It is actually quite fun to create filters!
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Please, help me stay online!
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A man usually feels better after a few winks,
especially if she winks back.
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks
it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I
will grant you three wishes."
The man says "Great! I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I
want. First, I want one billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Poof!
There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers
appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari
right here." Poof! There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new
Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be
irresistible to women." Poof!
There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
=========
Nowadays I would prefer a topped off VISA to any chocolates.
Like DearWebby, I too have diabetes. In order to fight it and
diabesity, I put some celery cubes into an empty chocolates box,
and sin with those. It's a lot cheaper too!
Thanks to mom for this picture:
Click through the picture for full size
>From Bubba
"I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn't poor, I was
needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as
needy. I was deprived. Then they told me that underprivileged was
overused. I was disadvantaged and therefore entitled.
I still don't have a dime,
but I have a great vocabulary."
A man was sitting on a London train eating a bag of fresh
shrimp, ripping off the heads and shells and then throwing them
out of the window.
After he had gobbled a few of them down a woman opposite him
said, "Would you mind not doing that? It's disgusting to
watch."
"Listen, love," He replied, "It's got nothing to do with you,
I've paid my fare for this journey and I'll do what I damn well
want on this train." He carried on ripping off the shells,
throwing them out of the window and eating the shrimp. Finally
he finished the bag and settled back for a little sleep.
The woman then started some knitting and all the man could hear
while he was trying to sleep was the incessant clicking of her
knitting needles.
After a while, he sits back up and says to the woman, "Could you
stop that noise, can't you see I'm trying to sleep?"
"It's got nothing to do with you," replies the woman, "I've
paid my fare and I'll do what I want on this train."
At that, the man grabbed the woman's knitting and threw it out of
the window. The woman immediately stood up and pulled the train
alarm cord.
The man burst out laughing and said, "Ha ha, you'll get fined
$200 for that!"
The old woman just smiled.
She knew that after the police smelled his fingers, he would
get two years in the clink.
Cindy strode angrily into the large drug-store / general-store,
slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her
dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked, "What was the problem? Didn't your cat
like them?"
Cindy's eyes got very large, and she whispered,
"Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant
for cats?"
A daughter comes home from the Peace Corps in Uganda and
surprises her Mother who is in the process of lighting the Friday
night candles and serving the matzoth ball soup. The mother is so
thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing her daughter. Finally
she says, "Sit down, darling. Tell me all about what you were doing."
Her daughter says, "Mom, I got married."
"Oy, mazeltov," says the mother. "How could you do that
without telling me? What's he like? What does he do?
Where is he?"
"He's waiting outside on the porch while I tell you."
"What are you talking about? Bring him in. I want to meet
my new son-in-law."
The daughter brings him in and to her consternation the
mother sees a black man standing before her wearing a
big grin, a feathered cod piece, an enormous head dress,
animal tooth necklace, and he is holding a very tall spear
in an upright position.
The mother grabs her daughter, slaps her back and forth
on both cheeks and screams, "Dummy, Stupid, Idiot. .
I said RICH doctor!"
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Honey/Almond Granola Bars
Ingredients:
1 cup old-fashioned rolled oats
1/4 cup slivered almonds
1/4 cup sunflower seeds
1 tablespoon flaxseeds
1 tablespoon sesame seeds
1 cup unsweetened whole-grain puffed cereal
1/3 cup dried currants
1/3 cup chopped dried apricots
1/3 cup chopped golden raisins
1/4 cup creamy almond butter (or Peanut Butter)
1/4 cup raw cane sugar
1/4 cup honey
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon salt (optional)
Directions
Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat an 8-inch-square pan with
cooking spray.
Spread oats, almonds, sunflower seeds, flaxseeds and sesame
seeds on a large, rimmed baking sheet. Bake until the oats are
lightly toasted and the nuts are fragrant, shaking the pan
halfway through, about 10 minutes.
Transfer to a large bowl. Add cereal, currants, apricots and
raisins; toss to combine.
Combine almond (or peanut) butter, sugar, honey, vanilla and
salt in a small saucepan. Heat over medium-low, stirring
frequently, until the mixture bubbles lightly, 2 to 5 minutes.
Immediately pour the almond (or peanut) butter mixture over
the dry ingredients and mix with a spoon or spatula until no
dry spots remain. Transfer to the prepared pan.
Lightly coat your hands with cooking spray and press the
mixture down firmly to make an even layer
(you may wish to wait a couple or minutes for the mixture
to cool first).
Refrigerate until firm, about 30 minutes; cut into 8 bars.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
992
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