Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, March 15

We had beautiful sunshine today, but walking
against the icy wind was anything but fun.
Time for spring to sproing!

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


>From Bertha:

He didn't like my pudding 
And he didn't like my cake. 
My biscuits were too hard, 
Not like his mother use to bake. 

I didn't perk the coffee 
And I didn't make the stew, 
I didn't mend his socks 
Like his mother use to do. 

As I pondered for an answer 
I was looking for a clue. So, 
I turned around and boxed his ears, 
Like his Mother used to do! 



Dear Abby:
My boyfriend is not happy with my mood swings.  
The other day, he bought me a mood ring so he would be able 
to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

Sincerely,
Bitchy in Boston




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A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons 
and five daughters, as well as their spouses, who were all 
gathered for a family reunion. 
"Not a single grandchild," he said with a sigh.  
"I'll give a million dollars to the first person who presents 
me with a little one.  Now let's say a blessing for this food." 

He then bowed his head and prayed. When the old man lifted 
his head, his wife was the only other one at the table.



Sheyla Hershey Survives Car Crash Because of 38KKK Breasts 


Houston resident Sheyla Hershey, 32, was driving home to Humble, 
Texas from a Super Bowl party on Sunday when she lost control 
of her Ford Mustang and totaled it against a tree.

She wasn’t wearing a seat belt, but survived the crash because 
of her enormous 38KKK breasts, which acted as an airbag-like 
cushion.

The Daily Mail reports that Hershey was charged with a DUI, 
but appeared in court Monday and denied she was driving drunk.

The shapely mom, who has spent $100,000 on her breasts, 
told Barcroft Media: "I think my breasts saved my life. The 
accident was bad and my boobs are sore, but they protected 
the rest of me."



"It's funny,"says Tara, "Ed's  balls are always cold as ice when
I'm sucking his dick."

"You know what?" replies Joz. "It's exactly the same with my
James..."

They turn to Anni and ask, "When you blow Sam, are his
balls cold, too?"

"Ugh! That's disgusting! I never put Sam's  thing in my mouth!"

"You're crazy," says Tara "A good blowjob is the  easiest 
way to keep a guy. You should try it."

Anni says she'll think about it.
The next morning, they meet at the cafe and the blowjob 
novice is sporting a wicked shiner.

"Whoa!" Tara asks. "How did you get that black eye?"

"Sam hit me when I was blowing him," she says.

"What on earth for?" Joz asks.

"I don't know," she replies. "All I did was tell him how 
strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as how 
James' and Ed's are so cold."



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of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



There was a young girl named Saphire
Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
She said, "It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?"



RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Spiced Up Turkey & Tomato Stew in a Crock Pot
Serves 8
 
Ingredients 
1 pound extra-lean ground turkey 
1 cup chopped onion
1 1/2 cups finely chopped celery
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes (optional)
1 teaspoon ground cumin
2 (10.75 ounce) cans condensed tomato soup
2 cups low-sodium chicken broth
28-ounce can crushed tomatoes in rich puree
2 tablespoons ground chili powder (add more to taste, if desired)
1/2 to 1 teaspoon ground black pepper (add more as desired)
2 15-ounce cans kidney beans, drained and rinsed
 (or substitute pinto beans)

Directions 
Add turkey, onions and celery to large nonstick saucepan 
and cook over medium-high heat. Cook and stir until turkey 
and onions are nicely browned, using a potato masher at
 times to bread the meat down into small particles.
 
Spoon the browned turkey mixture into a slow cooker 
set on HIGH. Stir in the remaining ingredients (red pepper
flakes, cumin, condensed tomato soup, chicken broth, 
crushed tomatoes, chili powder, black pepper and 
kidney beans).
 
Cook on high 1-2 hours or until stew is nice and hot. 
Once hot, you may reduce the cooking setting to 
LOW and keep the stew warm until ready to serve.

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna




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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 10

Remember to set your clocks ahead an hour!
Somehow I always feel like the Government is stealing an 
hour of my sleep allotment. That makes me cranky,
usually at least until breakfast. If I don't have time for 
breakfast, that makes for a bitchy morning.
I'll get over it, though.

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	


"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked
the obstetrician solicitously.

"Nah," replied the mother to be.  "He and my husband
don't get along."



Dr Visit for a colonoscopy
I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. 

His new nurse , Evelyn , took me to an examining room 
and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor 
could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes. 

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. 
While waiting I observed that there were three items on 
a stand Next to the exam table: 
A Tube of K-Y jelly, 
A rubber glove 
And a beer . 

When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a 
little confused. This is my first exam I know what the K-Y 
is for and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell 
me what the BEER is for? 

At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and 
stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and 
yelled to his new nurse .. . . .. . . 

Darn it Evelyn !!! 
I said a BUTT LIGHT "




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After a sexual harassment incident at work Frank is sent to a 
psychiatrist for evaluation. The Doctor explains that he'll be 
showing Frank a series of ink blot images called Rorschach
Inkblots.

Doctor: "Now Frank, as I reveal each image tell me the first 
thing that comes to mind, okay?"

Frank: "Sure, I got it."

The doctor shows the first pattern.
Doctor: "What do you see?"

Frank: "A women with really big tits."

Next image.
Frank: "A man and a women doing it doggie style."

Next image
Frank: "Hey! She's going down on that guy."

The doctor puts down the images and says, 
"Frank, you seem to have an obsession with sex."

Frank: "Me! Hell Doc, you're the one with all the 
dirty pictures."



Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing 
a strong preaching on the devil.  One said to the other, 
"What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" 

The other boy replied "Well, you know how Santa Claus 
turned out.  It's probably just your dad!



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try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



Jeff and Linda are parked in Lover's Lane.  He embraces her
with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand.
Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching.
"Awwwww Hell!" Jeff murmured, "Fuzz!"

"What did ya expect?" Linda says, "A perm?"



RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna


Cheese Casserole DORM VERSON
 
Ingredients

1 KD package (Kraft Dinner) just the noodles
1/2 kg (1 pound) garlic ring sausage
1 tsp Basil
1 tsp Oregano
1 small can diced and spiced tomatoes
1 small can tomato paste
1 small can of steakhouse mushrooms or any cheap, sliced mushrooms
1 TBSP dried onion chips
1 TBSP dried chive bits
1-2 cups of cheeses. Shredded pizza cheese is OK too 
2 TBSP Cheeze Wheeze or similar spreadable cheesy stuff

Directions
Boil the noodles according to directions and drain.
Donate the package of chemo that comes with it to 
     sidewalk maintenace.
Cut up the sausage (quartered and sliced)
Fry sausage and mushrooms to drive off water and crisp them a bit
Add tomato stuff and spices and heat while stirring briskly

Cut whatever cheese you can find to small bits and mix with
the Cheeze Wheeze on some foil or plastic, from which
you can easily remove with a flipper or old credit card.

Turn down the heat and add the noodles while still stirring
When the mix looks reasonably even, spread the cheese stuff
on top. Cover and let it bake until the cheeses have all 
melted down into the noodles.

Uncover and let it cool enough, so that the cheese gets firm
enough for cutting pie shaped peices.that will hold their shape.

Leftover pieces can be wrapped in foil for freezing or trading.

This cheese casserole can also be made in an old-fashioned
casserole, not just  a dorm style electric frying pan hidden 
in a deskdrawer. 

It is traditionally enjoyed with wine from a rectangular 
cardboard container served in coffee cups.

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












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