Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) Pay for your subscription at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 10

Dear Karon & Charles!
I would love to add you to the subscriber family, but
neither your checks nor the envelopes they came in,
have an email address on them. 

Please tell me as soon as possible, what address you want 
me to use for your subscription.

Heather, please put ophelia@dingbatter.com into your 
Friends List, so that peoplepc.com will stop censoring and 
bouncing your newsletter!


Here is a tiny sample of the type of jokes you get in the 
full version:


One should remember that calling 911 is sometimes a public 
service, done  for the benefit of others. One elderly male caller 
reported, "There's a woman over here doing some yard work 
in one of those thong bikinis."

"Sir," said an exasperated dispatcher, "911 is an emergency number. 
What do you expect the police to do about a woman in a thong bikini?"

"Nothing, I hope!" the guy said, 
"Just thought you fellows would like to know."



Today's goofy movie is "Moving Purse"

Enjoy!
Ophelia

ophelia@dingbatter.com

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 9

Thank you Robert & Loretta, and Karon & Charles!

I would love to add you to the subscriber family, but
neither your checks nor the envelopes they came in,
have an email address on them. 

Please tell me as soon as possible, what address you want 
me to use for your subscription.

Enjoy!
Ophelia


 
Please, help me stay online!

	


Since 1/1/11

             Countries

 

From Barb
As I left the supermarket, I noticed two little kids, maybe six 
or seven years old, selling candy bars in front of the store to 
raise money for their school band.

"I'll buy a chocolate bar on one condition," I said to one of the boys. 
"That you eat it for me."  As I handed him back the candy bar, 
he shook his head. "I can't," he said.

"Why not?"

Looking me in the eye, he responded gravely, 
"Because I'm not supposed to take candy from strangers."



A receptionist answered the phone in a busy office, "Good 
afternoon, Denver Parachute Club. How may I help you?" 

"Pardon me, but isn't this the Denver Prostitute Club?" 
asked a startled man on the other end. 

"No, sir," the embarrassed receptionist replied. "This is 
the Denver Parachute Club." 

"Oh, dear," the man said. "I'm afraid I've made a big 
mistake. Your salesman called a week ago and signed me up 
for two jumps a week. I am afraid of heights, and never would
have signed up, if I had realized,...."



Subscribe a friend to Ophelia Dingbatter's News!

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Click through for the big version

 



A travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when 
he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the 
eye. In a causal manner he walked over and spoke to her as 
though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to 
the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs. 

After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed 
the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him 
with his bill for $1600.

"There is a mistake here," he protested. "I have been here 
only three days."

"Yes," replied the clerk, "But your wife has been here a 
month."



For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter



An adorable little girl enters a pet shop and asks in the 
sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep 
wittle wabiths?" 

The shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so he can be on her 
level, and asks, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a 
soft and fuwwy bwack wabby?" 

Putting her hands on her knees, the little girl bends 
forward and says, "I don't fink my pyfon gives a shit".



A gas station in "redneck country" was trying to increase its sales so
the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up." 

Soon a "redneck" pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked 
for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 
(1) to (10), and, if he guessed correctly, he would get his 
Free sex. 

The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, 
"No, but you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no
free sex this time, but maybe next time." 

Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy 
this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked 
for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same
story, and asked him to guess the correct number. 

The man guessed (2) this time and the proprietor said, 
"Sorry, it was (3). You were close, but no free sex this time." 

As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, 
"I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give
away free sex." 

The buddy, (Bubba) replied, "No tain't Billy Ray, it's
not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."



	Funny Flowers


Today's Movie

Click through to "Moving Purse"

ophelia@dingbatter.com	Please help me stay online!
Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) Pay for your subscription at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, July 8
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The Royals look a lot better in Western garb than dressed 
as city slickers.


After watching the 300,000 spectator parade both from the
road and then from a grandstand, and some rodeo, they will
fly to Los Angeles.

Vancouver and all their anti-stampede and PETA crap is
not on the agenda, except for all the jokes about BC's
Prevention of Cruelty to Steaks, and what not.
The comments on Free Republic are hilarious!


Enjoy!
Ophelia


Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:

Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were
standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and
diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit
smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time.

Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this
without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for
compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing
instead of these things?"

After a slight pause, she frowned and said, 
"Well, their baby-sitter is pregnant now."





Today's goofy movie is "Police Brutality"

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

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MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) Pay for your subscription at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.

Good Morning 
Today is Thursday, July 7

The royal honeymooners are headed for Calgary. Like the groom's
parents and grand parents and great grand parents, 
and his brother Harry, they are going to visit the Calgary 
Stampede. Their trip is perfectly timed to coincide with the
parade and the opening of the Stampede. 

Each province, that they visit, prepared some action type
photo opportunities. In Yellowknife they were supposed to
participate in some Junior Street Hockey.
The Duchess of Cambridge disqualified herself by showing
up with the wrong footwear, but Prince William put on a good 
show and surprised everybody, especially his wife.



It isn't known yet what action type photo opportunity has
been prepared for them for tomorrow or Saturday. My bet 
would be that it is firing the starting gun for the Chuckwagon 
races. 

Enjoy!
Ophelia


Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:

The 6th grade science teacher,Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human
body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" 
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should
not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my 
parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire
you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. 

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth
fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get
in big trouble!" 

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" 

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body
part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of
the eye." 

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, 
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: 
1) You have a dirty mind, 
2) You didn't read your homework, and 
3) One day you are going to be very, very disappointed."




Today's goofy movie is "Multi Gags"

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) Pay for your subscription at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.

Good Morning 
Today is Wednesday, July 6

Had a big argument about diet pop today. Finally, I asked the
lady how much she weighed, from the waist on down.
"How do you weigh just that?"
Easy. Put a pillow on the floor a couple of feet from the scale,
put your butt onto the scale and your shoulder blades on the 
pillow. 

That's how they weigh long trucks. One axle at a time.
Well, she didn't bother, since she might have trouble getting
up again, and instead demanded to know, where I got my info
from. 

Well, most of it is from a book, that I ordered off 
DearWebby's Humor Letter a few yers ago, the rest is from
all kinds of literature for diabetics. If you think diabetics
are just a bunch of needle freaks jabbing themselves, you
are way off. Most control their diabetes with very peculiar
diets and just some pills. Naturally, those, who can't follow 
the diabetic's diets, need to use needles.

It is actually quite interesting, but the main concept is,
don't try to fool your body with margerine and diet pop or
aspertame. You pay for it with a fat butt. 
Common sense, though, pays off fast.

Enjoy!
Ophelia


Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:

Oh Doctor!" said the young lady prior to her surgery, "Will the scar
show? "

"Not in church, madam," replied the doctor, "but anywhere else, it's
entirely up to you."



Today's goofy movie is "Hang On!"

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

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