Thursday, August 9, 2012, 05:03 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 9
Two more days of early morning raspberry picking
without getting caught, and I'll have my freezer
compartment under the fridge filled.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Please, help me stay online!
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He grabbed me by my slender neck
I could not yell or scream
He took me to his bedroom
Where we could not be seen
He tore aside my wrap
and gazed upon my form
I was cool and chilly
He was nice and warm
He pressed his feverish lips to mine
and drank my very life away
he made me what I am today...
AN EMPTY BOTTLE OF BEER !!!!
In a train carriage one day were two small boys and a
middle aged woman reading a book. The two small boys
were having a deep heated discussion on the subject of
spelling.
Its spelled ' W-W-W-W-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-B-B-B-B '"
"No its not. It's spelled
'W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-B-B-B'"
The lady leans over and says "Excuse me, but I think you'll
find its spelt 'W-O-M-B'".
First little boy replies " Nah, I bet you've never even seen
a hippopotamus, never mind heard one fart underwater !"
Click through the picture for full size
Redneck Speedboat
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older
he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. After being
referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a
doctor who solved the problem.
"The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that
it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which
causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine.
The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to
relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to
live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but
decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital following the surgery, he felt like he
was missing an important part of himself. Just the same, as he
walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different
person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I
need: A new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman,
"I'd like a new suit."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see . . .Size 44
tall."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job," the salesman replied. Joe tried on the suit. It
fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman
asked,
"How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see . . . 34 sleeve and .
. .16-and-a-half neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the
collar in the mirror, the salesman asked,
"How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see . . .9-and-a-
half . . .wide.
Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked
comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
"How about a new hat?"
Without hesitating, Joe said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see . . .7 and
5/8."
Joe was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job." The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when
the salesman asked,
"How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see
. . .Size 36."
Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "No. You can't wear a size 34. "It
would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and
give you one hell of a headache."
Next time you are in a car with a friend, and you pull up to a red
light. Look at the guy in the car next to you, roll down your window
really fast (like you want to talk to him), and when the guy rolls HIS
window down,
look at him and yell.....
"Oh, did you fart too?"
There were these two 95 year old men sitting at the senior
center one day when the one states,
"I have to get right home!"
"What's your hurry?" asks the other.
"Me and the wife are having sex again today".
"Again? How often do you have sex?"
"Every day! I don't have time to talk but I'll tell you what the
secret is...Pumpernickel Bread". And he scurried off.
As the other old guy was walking home, he passed a
bakery and wandered in. "Do you have any Pumpernickel
Bread?" he asked the lady behind the counter.
"Yes, we have 3 shelves of Pumpernickel Bread".
"I'll take it all." the old man blurts out.
The lady was surprised and says "All of it! It'll get hard"
The old man replies "WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW
ABOUT THIS BUT ME?"
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Grandma's Orange Muffins
Ingredients:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 cup Olive Oil
1 1/4 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 Tbsp. grated orange peel
1 cup buttermilk (you can use milk)
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup coarsely chopped & drained mandarin oranges
2 Tbsp. sugar, for decorating tops
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350°. Grease 12-cup muffin pan; set aside.
Combine flour, baking soda and cinnamon in medium bowl; set aside.
Beat Olive Oil with 1-1/4 cups sugar in large bowl with
electric mixer until light and fluffy, about 1 minute.
Beat in eggs and orange peel. Alternately beat in flour mixture
and buttermilk on low speed just until blended, beginning
and ending with flour mixture. Fold in raisins and oranges.
Evenly spoon into prepared pan, then sprinkle with remaining
2 tablespoons sugar.
Bake 20 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes
out clean.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
1067
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Wednesday, August 8, 2012, 05:40 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 8
Thanks for renewing Attila!
It is getting difficult to say whether the situation in Syria
is getting ridiculous or whether it is getting out of hand.
Iran, which does not seem to have a Plan B, is stuck with
supporting Syria. Bitching against the USA and blaming them
for the Syrian Opposition's kidnapping of Iranian military
advisors looks like the wacky bitching more commonly coming
from North Korea. If the USA was involved in the Syria crisis,
they would settle it with a cruise missile or two.
The USA, on the advice of Israel, is standing back. The idea
is to let Assad and the rebels use up the stockpiles of ammo
hoarded in Syria. Israel got beat up in 2006 and in 2009,
and they don't want a repetition of that.
As long as Iran is just bitching against the USA, they simply
make themselves look silly. It makes me wonder, though, what
they really try to accomplish. Assad may be able to hold on
a few more months, but there is no future for him. Sooner
or later the rebels will get him. Shelling and bombing towns
does not win him friends. Even his Prime Minister thought
it would be safer to move to a different country. And he is
not planning to telecommute to Damaskus.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman
may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store
is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive
attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor
you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor,
you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's
better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder
what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely
good looking.
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs,
love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the
housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must
be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs,
love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework
and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me! But just think..what must be awaiting me
further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012
to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely
as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at Husband Mart and have a nice day!
Across the street is a 10 floor store with a sign:"Wife Mart".
The first floor is labelled: "These women have big boobs, love sex,
are good cooks and don't want kids."
Nobody knows what is on floors 2 to 10.
Los Angeles
Major power disruptions throughout the city of Los Angeles.
According to the L.A. Fire Department, tens of thousands of
people were trapped on escalators and at pedestrian
crossings, that fail to show "WALK".
White and black Americans view the power disaster in starkly
different ways, with more blacks viewing race as a factor in
problems with the federal response, according to a CNN/USA
Today/Gallup poll. More blacks than whites said they were
angry about the government's slow response to the problem,
and the blatant discrimination against blacks, non-smokers
and the poor. According to polls conducted by CNN and AOL,
the previous president, G.W. Bush, is blamed for the disaster.
CNN expects the inevitable looting caused by the Bush
administrations failure to deal with the power problems to
start by nightfall, and has booked extra advertising for
the evening broadcasts.
President Obama is in London for the Olympics.
Click through the picture for full size
Wet Lighthouse
A young army doctor was stationed at a remote
dispensary in the South Pacific.
One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of
his patients.
He radioed a base hospital:
'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?'
A prankster got hold of the message.
This was the reply:
'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.'
A sweater girl is one who knows that it's possible for a man to
concentrate on two things at once.
>From Kevin
I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to me was empty, but
not for long. A young mother boarded with her 5-year-old daughter and
Mom sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little girl
but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her lap. So here I am
holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see what I was
holding.
"What ya got, mifter?" she asked.
(Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her business.)
I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and says loudly, "Ohhhh,
ROSES!, who are they for?"
(Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear telling her to sit
down.)
I said, "they're for my girlfriend".
She says again with a loud voice, "WOW, pretty RED ones, and a lot of
them, too! Man, you really must have fucked up!"
Needless to say, nearly everyone on the train was roaring with laughter,
except Mom who was now trying to crawl between the seats!
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
DORM Style Broccoli Mashed Potatoes
Ingredients:
Some broccoli and caulifour crowns
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp fine ground pepper (Italian pepper)
1 cup instant mashed potatoes
2 TBSP butter
3 cups water or milk
1 TBSP bacon bits
Directions:
Break up and microwave brocoli and caulifour 4 minutes
Bring water or milk to a boil, take it off the burner.
Add the spices and stir, then add instant mashed potato
flakes and stir well.
Add the butter and stir until smooth
Add the drained veggies and stir.
Add bacon bits and stir.
Serve as is, or for variation with some leftover gravy on
the side. Some people feel mashed potatoes are not complete
without a gravy filled volcano lake.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
Answer: Afghan
1064
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Tuesday, August 7, 2012, 05:31 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 7
It is amazing how late sleeping not too close neighbors
with raspberries can encourage me to wake up early and
be ready by sun-up!
This year I am freezing them in those little cups that muffin
papers come in, and all kinds of containers that size. One
of those containers full of raspberries is just right for my
breakfast.
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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A traveling salesman's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere.
So he goes looking for help, and eventually finds a lone farmhouse.
Spying a light, he goes up to the door and knocks.
"Hi. My car broke down a while back. Got a phone I can use to call for
help?" he asks the farmer when he opens the door.
"Nope," he's told. "I ain't got no phone here. But if you want, I can
give you a ride into town in the morning to get some help."
The salesman agrees, and the farmer shows him to his room.
"What's that?" he asks, spying a wall of eggs.
"My daughter, the most beautiful creature in the world, is behind that
wall," the farmer explains. "Now, come morning, if any of them eggs are
broke, I'm gonna kill you. Understand?"
The salesman agrees to this, and turns in to bed. Later that night,
though, he hears the daughter moaning from behind her wall, and finally
he can't control himself anymore. He has to see this beauty. Rushing
through the wall, he finds that she's even more beautiful than her
father said, and she's quite ready to have fun. They spend the whole
night making wild passionate love.
The salesman is woken by the rooster in the morning, and he hears the
farmer climbing the stairs. In a panic, he grabs a jar of glue and
starts gluing the eggshells back together. He has just finished putting
the last egg into the wall when the farmer bursts into the room.
"So, you managed to control yourself," the old man says, looking at the
intact wall. "Come on down, and I'll make you breakfast."
So saying, he grabs a couple of eggs from the wall. The salesman is
petrified as he sits at the breakfast table. He knows that the eggs the
farmer picked are empty, and he knows the farmer will catch on to what
happened.
The farmer cracks open an egg.
Nothing.
He cracks open a second egg.
Again, nothing.
He cracks a third egg.
Nothing.
"Hmm," he says, looking right at the salesman, a frown appearing on his
face. "The damn rooster's been using rubbers again!"
A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini. The man downed it
with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and
rushed out of the bar. The bartender picked up the five-dollar bill, and
folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket. Just at that
moment he looked up at the boss standing in the doorway staring at him.
Doing a bit of fast thinking he said, "Hi boss, did you see that fellow
just now? Came in here, bought a double martini, gave me a five dollar
tip, and rushed out without paying."
Click through the picture for full size
Two 90-year-olds had been dating for some time, when the man
told the woman, "I think it's time we had sex, don't you agree?"
The old woman agrees and the two make love that afternoon.
Afterward, as they are lying in bed, the man thinks to himself,
"My word, if I had known that she was a virgin, I would have
been much more gentle!"
Meanwhile, the woman was thinking to herself,
"My word, if I had known that the old geezer could really
get it up, I would have taken off my pantyhose."
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
An attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced:
"I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers
aboard and only 40 dinners."
When the passengers' muttering had died down, she
continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal
so someone else can eat, will receive free drinks for the
length of the flight."
Her next announcement came an hour later.
"If anyone wants to change his mind,
we still have 29 dinners available!"
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Broccoli Mashed Potatoes
Ingredients:
1 1/2 lbs. all-purpose potatoes, peeled and cut
into 1-inch cubes
1/3 cup Margarine
1 package (12 oz.) Frozen Broccoli Cuts, prepared by
following package directions
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/3 cup sour cream
4 slices bacon, crisp-cooked and crumbled
4 green onions, thinly sliced
Directions:
1. Cover potatoes with water in 3 quart pot. Bring to a boil
over hight heat. Reduce heat to medium and cook 10 minutes
or until potatoes are very tender. Drain well.
2. Return hot potatoes to pot, then add Margarine and mash.
Add Broccoli Cuts, breaking up large broccoli pieces, and mash
lightly. Stir in cheese, sour cream, bacon and green onions.
Save some of the bacon and onions for topping, if you wish.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
Answer: Afghan
1057
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Monday, August 6, 2012, 05:52 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 6
Stat holiday in Canada. It is called "Civic Holiday".
Nobody knows what we are celebrating today,
except that it is the first Monday in August.
I have been invited to a BBQ and told to bring a Rhubarb pie.
I love deals like that!
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night
when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.
There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road,
and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and
she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death.
Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the
morning?"
He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."
"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and
warm there.
"But what about the smell?"
"Just hold its nose."
The man is expected to recover, eventually,
but the skunk she used to beat the smart-ass with,
died at the scene.
A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses
of whiskey. He proposes a toast and both he and his dog
empty their glasses.
The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks; 'Can your
dog perform other tricks?'.
'But of course', the man answers, 'he can even gratify a woman'. Anxious
to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a little room above
the bar. She undresses and full of expectation she lies down on the bed.
The dogs looks at her and does nothing. 'It's always the same thing with
you!', the man then shouts to the dog, 'I'll show you how to do it one
last time'.
Click through the picture for full size
A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating
who had the superior culture.
The Greek says: We have the Parthenon
The Italian says: We have the Coliseum
The Greek says: We had great Mathematicians
The Italian says: We had the Roman Empire
and so on and so on
and then the Greek says: "We invented sex!"
The Italian says: "That is true,
but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."
>From Sheila in Oz
A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm.
After a while, they came upon a small cabin.
Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep.
There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping
bag on the floor but only one bed.
Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you
sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor in the
sleeping bag."
Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was
beginning to fall asleep, the nun said "Father, I'm cold."
He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got the blanket and
put it on her. Once again, he got into the sleeping bag,
zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun
once again said, "Father, I'm still very cold."
He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on
her and got into the sleeping bag once again. Just as his
eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold."
This time, he remained there and said, "Sister, I have an
idea. We're out here in the wilderness where no one will ever
know what happened. Let's pretend we're married."
The nun said, "That's fine by me."
To which the priest yelled out, "Get up and
get your own stupid blanket!"
An Texan, a Scot and a Californian were in a terrible car
accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room,
but all three of them died before they arrived.
Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Texan,
he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and
nurses present asked him what happened.
"Well," said the Texan, "I remember the crash, and then
there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the
Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven.
St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young
to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to
earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the
$50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened
to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the Texan, "the Scot was haggling
over the price and the Californian was waiting for
the government to pay for his."
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Crock Pot Chocolate-Peanut Butter Cake
Ingredients:
12 Tbsp. Melted Margarine
1 box (18.25 oz.) Devil's food cake mix
1 box (3.9 oz.) instant chocolate pudding & pie filling
1 cup Peanut Butter
1 8 oz. sour cream
1 cup milk
4 eggs
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (about 6 oz.)
Directions:
1. Evenly coat bottom and sides of 5-quart Crock Pot
(or use a slow cooker) with 2 tablespoons melted Margarine.
Set aside.
2. Combine remaining ingredients except chocolate chips in
large bowl with electric mixer according to cake mix package
directions; stir in chocolate chips. Pour into prepared cooker.
3. Arrange two sheets paper towel over top of cooker, then
place lid on top. (Paper towels will absorb moisture.)
4. Cook on LOW 3-1/2 hours. Turn off heat, then let stand
covered 30 minutes. Remove insert from cooker. Carefully
remove lid and paper towels.
Serve cake warm and, if you like top with ice cream.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
Answer: Afghan
1055
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Sunday, August 5, 2012, 04:31 AM
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 5
Enjoy!
Ophelia
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Please, help me stay online!
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Name of a bed cover that is the same as a male of a
not English speaking country:
Answer at the end
An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the
bathroom something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find
any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side
streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London
police officer showed up.
"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked.
"I'm sorry," the American replied, but I really gotta go."
"You can't do that here," the officer told him. "Look, follow me."
The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass,
pretty flowers, and manicured hedges.
"Here," said the policeman, "whiz away."
The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started urinating
on the flowers. "Ahhh," he said in relief. Then turning toward the
officer, he said, "This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?"
"No," retorted the policeman. "It's the French Embassy."
Click through the picture for full size
Pageant Night Miss Universe Beauty Pageant Q & A Portion.
The FINALISTS
QUESTION : Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your
country?
MS. AMERICA:Well, I would say that male organs in America are like
gentlemen.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. AMERICA:Because it stands every-time it sees a woman.....
(Applause!.... Applause!)
QUESTION : Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your
country?
MS. SPAIN: Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own
bullfight. QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. SPAIN :Because it charges every-time it sees an opening.
(Applause!... Applause!)
QUESTION : Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in
your country?
MS. BRITAIN : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearean
actors.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. BRITAIN : Because after every performance everybody cries.
(Applause!... Applause!)
QUESTION : Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your
country?
MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves.
QUESTION : And why do you say that?
MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door.....
(Applause!... Applause!)
QUESTION : Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your
country?
MS. INDIA: Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a
labourer. QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. INDIA: Because it works day and night....
(Applause!.. Applause!)
QUESTION: Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in
your country?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh...well, of course, hihihihi...I can say that
male organs in our country are like chismis...
QUESTION : Chismis???
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry... Its like, ahh like...it means
GOSSIP in our language.
QUESTION : Hmm... Interesting comparison. And why do you say
that?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy... nervous!!! Hihihihihi! Because...I
mean...because it passes from mouth to mouth.
(STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
THINGS A GUY DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR HIS BLIND DATE SAY:
I'm glad we have this date tonight. My boyfriend just got
out of prison and I really didn't want to be alone.
Do you mind if we stop by the free clinic? I want to see
if my test results are in.
Don't worry, I've got the training sessions cut down to
an hour if you're a good boy and pay attention.
That's odd, you sounded handsome on the phone.
Do you have to shine your bald spot or does that glare
just happen?
This is my first date since I was released from Bellevue.
They think that schizo-paranoia thing was because of
unresolved issue's in my past lives. By the way,
why do you keep calling me Mary?
Turn here! That looks like my husbands car ahead.
You look surprised. Didn't you know I was a female
impersonator?
I'm sorry, something came up and I can't make it,
but I've arranged for my cousin Grunhilda to go out
with you. Have you ever dated a female wrestler before?
My sister could not make it, because somebody bailed her
husband. But don't worry, I am almost fourteen.
A Scotsman and a young girl are waiting for a bus. The girl says, "What
do you Scots wear under your kilts?" The Scot says, "Why don't you put
your hand up it and find out?" She sticks her hand up his kilt and
immediately withdraws, shocked. "It's GRUESOME!!", she exclaims. The
Scot replies, "Aye, and it'll grue some more if you put your hand back
up there!!"
RECIPE SECTION,
thanks to Sr Anna
Cinnamon Baked Sweet Potatoes
Ingredients:
2 1/2 lbs. sweet potatoes or yams, peeled and cut into small cubes
6 Tbsp. Melted Margarine
1/2 + 1/2 Teaspoon Cinnamon
1 Tbsp. firmly packed light brown sugar
Directions:
Preheat oven to 425°
Toss potatoes, 2 tablespoons Margarine, Cinnamon
and Brown Sugar in large bowl. Arrange potatoes on
baking sheet in single layer. Roast, stirring once,
35 minutes or until golden brown. Drizzle with remaining
4 tablespoons Margarine and sprinkle with Cinnamon.
Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna
Answer: Afghan
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