Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 7

The weather rebounded quite nicely. The last few days were 
quite hot in the afternoon. At night you can sure tell that it 
is September, and the leaves on the first few trees are 
changing color.

Enjoy!
Ophelia


Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the 
one dollar per month version. Of course, there are a lot
more of them in the full version, plus the pictures of the 
day and the movie of the day.



Two girls are sitting in a movie-theater.

"That man beside me is fumbling his crotch", one whispers
to the other. "Just ignore it", is the answer.

"Easy for you to say. He's using my hand!".


In the full version, today's movie is 
"Rescue at the beach"

Enjoy!
Ophelia

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 6

Got a new neighbor on the other side of Maryann. 
Newbies are always cause for some hilarity.

Everybody in the trailer court uses the standard, white 
plastic lawn chairs and tables. This guy bought dark blue 
ones, I guess, so that he would be able to recognize them,
if somebody stole them. And then he painted his initials with
black paint onto the seats. 

I am sure the entire trailer court will hear it, when he sits 
onto one of them on a hot afternoon. Fried Nuts!

Another reason we all use the plain white lawn furniture is
the "lawn furniture migration". Whenever we have a Chinook,
a rambunctious wind at 50 gusting to 110 mph from the 
South-West, the loose furniture migrates towards North-East
and some of it collects against the soccer field fence.
Everybody gets fresh furniture except the people at the
South-West end. They got to go up to the soccer field fence
and pick up what they want.

Rumor has it, that somebody once chained down their lawn
furniture. So the Chinook knocked their trailer over.

We all use heavy skirting, and avoid silly frills like car 
ports, that would turn into high speed frisbees and destroy
anything in their path. It's not the wind that takes buildings
apart, it's car port roofs and sheds flying along at high speed.

Living in the path of the Chinook requires a bit extra common 
sense, but most people enjoy it.

Enjoy!
Ophelia


Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the 
one dollar per month version. Of course, there are a lot
more of them in the full version, plus the pictures of the 
day and the movie of the day.



Two guys in a bar are talking about their wives.

"My wife is mad at me again," says the first.

"Why?"

"I was bombed at the bar across the street last night. And she 
came looking for me."

"What'd you do?"

"I asked her for her phone number."


In the full version, today's movie is 
"UFO"

Enjoy!
Ophelia

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 5
Happy Labor Day!

Larry answered and sent his address! Welcome Larry!
With today's TVs, some of the pictures must be pretty 
awesome on a big TV screen.

Enjoy!
Ophelia


Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the 
one dollar per month version. Of course, there are a lot
more of them in the full version, plus the pictures of the 
day and the movie of the day.



A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was
going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would
need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the
evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them
both in her bra.

Halfway through the night, she had already used up one
handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the
other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she
noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her.

"What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues.

She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived!"


In the full version, today's movie is 
"UFO"

Enjoy!
Ophelia

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

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---

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, September 4

The newest health fad seems to be "Juicing".
You take a whole bunch of greens and veggies, about a months'
worth for us poor folk, and run them through a special juicer,
throw away the pulp and drink the juice.

Sounds good! When I get my credit card paid-off date to
within a hundred years, I'll might try it. For today I
will gather short dandylion leaves from shady spots, wild 
radishes and carrots, some celery and some lovage leaves,
and let them simmer in the crock-pot with about an inch of
smoked farmer sausage cut up small.

When it is ready, I'll mash a potato with some butter, and
fry an egg or two. That will provide a full meal with everything
needed, and will taste quite delicious.

I will leave the probably terrible tasting juice to rich doctors
and health gurus.

Enjoy!
Ophelia

PS:
Hi Lawrence
I received your check for a one year subscription to the 
full version, but no email address on it or the envelope. 
Just hit reply on your newsletter, and tell me your
email address.



Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the 
one dollar per month version. Of course, there are a lot
more of them in the full version, plus the pictures of the 
day and the movie of the day.



There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the 
difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep 
to keep them from breeding with the females. 

He hired a French Canadian guy who didn't speak much 
English, but was a very good worker. 

After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep 
and his French worker was just about to throw away the 
"parts", but the sheep farmer yelled, 
"No! Don't throw those away! 

My wife fries them up and we eat them. 
They're delicious and we call them 'sheep fries'." 

Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper, 
and indeed the 'sheep fries' were tasty. 

The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following 
evening they all settled down to another supper of 
'sheep fries'. 

The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, 
he asked his wife where the French hired hand was, and she 
said, "You know, it's the weirdest thing! 

I told him since there weren't very many 'sheep fries' this 
evening, we were also going to have French fries, and he 
ran like hell!!"


In the full version, today's movie is 
"Hot hunk at the beach"

Enjoy!
Ophelia

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

     55665

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 3

Hi Lawrence
I received your check for a one year subscription to the 
full version, but no email address on it or the envelope. 
Just hit reply on your newsletter, and tell me that it is you.


Enjoy!
Ophelia


Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the 
one dollar per month version. Of course, there are a lot
more of them in the full version, plus the pictures of the 
day and the movie of the day.



Debbie was a knockout but alas, she also was virtually brainless.
Fortunately, this was no drawback as far as Tom's plans for the evening
were concerned. He was delighted when she agreed to come up to his
apartment for a night cap.

As he prepared the drinks, full of anticipation, Debbie explored the
apartment, stopping now and then to examine a painting or a book title,
she didn't quite understand. At last she stopped dead in front of his
fireplace.

"What on earth is that?" she asked pointing to a carved wooden object
lying on the mantel.

"Oh, that. It's African," he replied. "They use them in their fertility
rites. It's a phallic symbol."

"Oh, I see." stated Debbie demurely. 
"I'd hate to tell you what it looks like!"


In the full version, today's movie is 
"ChickenMan"

Enjoy!
Ophelia

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

     55526

  |  permalink  |   ( 3 / 125 )

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