Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 3

A reader wrote today to ask, why the short sample version
didn't have the good picture of the day, just the smal second
picture. 
Well, Mr Big Spender, if you don't think you are worth two cents
per day, then you simply can't have, what the people, who pay
two cents per day, get in their daily mail.

You can even do it by the month! Just save up one dollar,
and subscribe for one month. It is a bit more expensive that way,
but $1 is the minimum transaction allowed. 

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	



Here is a tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:


A little old lady's phone rings late one night and she answers it.
"Hello," a deep voice on the other end says, 
"I know you, you'd like me to push you down on the bed 
and rip all your clothes off, lick your body all over and 
make rough love to you." 

The old lady looks at the phone blushing 
and in amazement and replies, "You can tell all that 
from a just the way I said 'Hello?'"



 » Ugly Critters





Jetman, the reason Breitling watches are expensive

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 2

It is going to be interesting to see what happens with Greece.
The country is still socialist, and the majority still believes,
that the rest of Europe should get stuck paying for the social
perks enjoyed by greeks, like retirement at full pay at age 50.

Some people hoped for a military coup to force the country
to accept a bit of common sense, so the the defense minister
fired all the top brass in the military. Well, if they had not
planned anything like that, now they definitely have the 
time for it! I would not hold my breath waiting for it, though.
A coup might seem too much like work for them. Most likely
they will just take their retirement with full pay, and go
fishing.

Playing hard to get when the Eurozone offered to pay for 50%
of the Greek debt, is definitely not going to go over well. 

I'm glad I am in Canada and can watch from a ssafe distance!

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	



Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:


"I'm going to give up this drinking," Brian said to his
friend. "I got so drunk last night that I just barely
staggered home and managed to drag myself up the stairs to
the bedroom."
"So what's so bad about that?" his friend Paul asked.

"Well, when I opened the bedroom door," Brian said 
"I found that I was already in bed making love to my wife.
So I was going to go back to the bar, to see if I had
left, but fell down the stairs and woke up in the morning
as sore as if I had gotten beat up."



 » Surf's Up





Paraglider escapes injury after crashing into two eagles
Text and movie.

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, November 1

Woke up to a couple of inches of snow, but by evening it
was mostly gone. Tuesday afternoon it is supposed to warm 
up to 5 degrees above freezing. Briefly. Well, summer is 
definitely over. Might as well get the warm socks ready.

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	



Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:


A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"
 A girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I
want out of
 life is four animals."
 The teacher asked, "Really,  and what four  animals?
 The little girl said A mink on my back, a jaguar in the
Garage,
 a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."
 
 The Teacher Fainted



 » Central Park NYC (minus fleas)



Fishing hazard

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 31

Happy Halloween!

I went to Walmart today to get some spinach. Theirs is the
lowest priced in town, and I was curious, if there were any 
dressed up Walmartians there. Nah, no luck. The locals here
are too fuddy-duddy. Myself included. It's a bit too chilly
out.

The Flea-Baggers seem to have found the same, especially
after the mayor hosed them down with a water cannon, as soon
as the media went for supper. When the media circus came back, 
everything was clean. Just wet streets with a slight pepper smell 
in the air. The occupiers had gon back to occupying their 
parent's couches.

In Denver apparently some Flea-Baggers knocked a cop off 
his bike. Quite predictably, riot mode ensued instantly. 
That is a definite NO-NO! It is one thing to set garbage 
cans on fire, or even do a bit of looting, but NEVER, NEVER,
NEVER knock a motorcycle cop off a bike!

New York City's Central Park is seeing its snowiest October 
on record. Due to a complete lack of Gullible Warming, they got
1.3 inches of snow on Saturday and more on Sunday.

These nuts seem to have absolutely no sense of timing.
Just like Al Gore picked the very END of the warming cycle
to come out with his Gullible Warming scam, the Flea-Baggers
picked the start of winter for their nonsense. Maybe that stuff,
that they are smoking, is not as organic as they think it is?

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	



Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:


A man was going on a business trip and thought he would buy 
his wife a vibrator, or toy, so she wouldn't miss him too 
much. He went to a shop and looked up and down the aisles, 
but couldn't find anything good. 

So, he went up to the clerk at the counter and explained 
his problem to him. The clerk took out a box covered with 
erotic symbols and words. He then opened the box and told 
the man how to use the 'Magic Dildo' that lay inside the box.
 
"To use the Magic Dildo," the clerk said, "all you have to do 
is say Magic Dildo go to.....then say where you want the toy 
to go. For example, Magic Dildo go to my crotch," and the 
Magic Dildo went straight to the clerk's crotch. "Magic Dildo 
go back to the box," and the toy went back into the box. 

"I'll take it," the man said. When he got home, he gave it 
to his wife, explained how to use it, and caught a taxi to 
the airport. 

His wife started playing with the Magic Dildo. When she wanted 
to take it out, she started to pull it, but it wouldn't come 
out. Deciding she had better go to the hospital, she got in 
the car and started down the road, but was swerving since 
the Magic Dildo wouldn't stop. 

A cop pulled her over and asked, "How much have you had to 
drink?" The woman explained to the cop that it was the cyber 
toy that was causing her to swerve. 

"Magic Dildo my ass!" growled the cop.



 » WTF Costumes




Parking meter revenge

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 30

I am getting more proud of Harper all the time. 
Now he is tossing out the gun control laws for rifles and
shotguns, that the paranoid liberals had instituted years ago.
He also watered down the controls for handguns.

I am not going out and buying a bunch of guns.Guns are not
in my budget, and in my opinion, at close range, they are no 
match for a cast iron frying pan.

Enjoy!
Ophelia

 
Please, help me stay online!

	



Tiny sample of the type of jokes that are in the full version:


The father telling a family friend about his daughter's newly-assigned
mission in the U.S. Coast Guard: she work on a cutter that escorts all
cruise ships and international vessels under the bridges in California's
Bay Area.

But what her father told his friend was, "She's involved in some sort of
escort service."



 » Know your T's

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

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