Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Dear

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, Aug 3

Moose, stay out of Syria and see if you can get Fatimah
out at least temporarily! There is no future in playing 
tank target!

With the media shifting their attention to Syria, by the
end of the summer it will be a lot safer there, and those,
who just quietly prepare and document until then, will have
a much bigger impact, than those, who get shot or bombed
in the meantime. We want you and Fatimah to stick around!

Enjoy
Ophelia


Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:


A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in
Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a
bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own
bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.

"Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the
obviously young lass was disrobing.

"Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile.

"Thirteen??? My God, girl!!! You get those clothes back on at
once at get the hell outta here! Are you crazy?" he thundered.

Pausing briefly at the door, the perplexed nymphet smiled and
said, "Superstitious, huh?"



Today's goofy movie is "Ennio Marchetto"

Enjoy!
Ophelia

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) Pay for your subscription at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.

Dear

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, Aug 2

Reports out of Syria sure sound scary! Chuck, I am glad
your visa was delayed. The way they are torching towns and
villages there, I would not want a friend to be anywhere in 
that country. It's too bad NATO is scared of Syria, but 
somebody needs to step in there and stop the attacks on
towns. Unlike Libya, that place won't likely settle down
in the near future.

Hopefully they will calm down during the month of Ramadan,
that just started there.

Enjoy
Ophelia


Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:


The Chief Resident remarked to the Unit Director
of the busy ICU that there seemed to be an awful
lot of expectant Nurses in their Unit. As they
were walking down the hall, he was becoming
concerned about a possible staff shortage and
inquired of the Director when each pregnant Nurse
they passed was due. Each time the Director would
respond, "Some time in late September." 

Coming upon the 5th expectant Nurse, he asked yet again.

The Director responded, "I have no idea Sir. Norma
Jeanne wasn't at the Christmas Party."



Today's goofy movie is "Strangers on my flight"

Enjoy!
Ophelia

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) Pay for your subscription at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.

Dear

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, Aug 1

Had a big argument about cooking sprays at a neighborhood
BBQ today. I don't use it, because it is ridiculously expensive.
Reasonably warm oil sprayed from a good ol' pistol-grip
sprayer works just as well, and probably uses less oil.
You don't really need an even oil slick in and around your 
pan. One the oil heats up, it will spread, and when you add
food, it will spread it around even more.

Did you know that a one second spray of cooking spray
adds 100 or more calories to your meal?

A drop or two of cooking oil onto a stamp size piece of 
paper towel and wiped around a pan will make it just as
non-stick, but not add any calories at all.

Enjoy
Ophelia


Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:


A pregnant woman went to the gynecologist, and when asked what was the
problem, she responded, "Well, whenever I take off my clothes, my
nipples get hard."

Shocked, the doctor took a deep breath, then asked, "Your nipples get
hard?"

"Yes," quite innocently came her reply.

"Undress so I can check," replied the still amazed doc. So, she
undressed, and he got down to the feeling and massaging, trying to 
reach an answer.

After some considerable time, the doctor, still looking puzzled, said,
"Well, Madame, I don't know what you have, but it sure is contagious!"



Today's goofy movie is "Falling Mirror"

Enjoy!
Ophelia

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) Pay for your subscription at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.

Dear

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 31

NATO has sunk to a new low in Libya. Instead of bombing 
Burger joints, hospitals and car lots, they dropped a few
Million bucks worth of bombs onto TV transmitters, trying to
suppress reports of their actions from getting out.

Those strikes are also the latest reminder of how far NATO 
has sunk from its United Nations mandate to protect civilians,
by bombing a purely informational tool, 
that only affected civilians by boring them. 
Somebody seems to have a lot more money than brains!

Here it was quite hot today, but thanks to a rambunctious
wind, actually quite comfortable.

Enjoy
Ophelia



Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:


Before Linda got married, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting
her boyfriend know it, too.
"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him.

"Really?" asked the boyfriend, 
"And just how many men are you intending to marry?"



Today's goofy movie is "Double Fitting Room"

Enjoy!
Ophelia

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) Pay for your subscription at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.

Dear

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 30

Most of you have probably heard a Sound-Racer or Vroom Box,
or heard about them. In case you haven't, they are electronic
devices that make an anemic KIA or Volkswagen sound like an
80's V8 pick-up with a few little holes in the muffler. 
Just like my GMC truck.

The Sound-Racer just plugs into a cigarette lighter socket, 
and makes the sound over the car radio speakers. The Vroom
Box has speakers mounted under the car. They are for the
Goody-Two-Shoes guys, driving their Mama's car, 
or their wife's.

I looked for a little movie that shows an example:
Sound Racer

Today on the way back from the post office, I heard a big 
muscle car trying to sound like my pick-up. I looked around, 
but there was nothing exotic in sight.

In front of me was one of those little rice burning scooters,
that normally sound like a sewing machine in need of 
maintenance. It had a luggage rack and on it, there was a 
huge speaker box. THAT is where the awesome sound was 
coming from. I almost wet my pants when he twiddled away
from a traffic light. BIG ROAR, and accelerating like a kid
on a tricycle. Sure was funny!

I was tempted, but refrained from stomping the gas and
showing off. 

Enjoy
Ophelia



Here is a tiny sample of the types of jokes you get in the full version:


Thanks to Bill for this story:
An older married couple was at home watching TV.

The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth 
between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:
"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. 
You already know how to fish!"



Today's goofy movie is "Flying Sweaters"

Enjoy!
Ophelia

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

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