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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, March 1 The gas pricing sure seems funny. The US and Canada are not buying oil from Iran, and with Canada's Tar Sands oil being $40 a barrel cheaper than ANY Arab oil,and in oversupply, there isn't really any excuse for the high gas prices. The politicians blame it all on Iran and Mid East tensions anyway. Why? The Government takes their 50% of the pump price. The higher the pump price, the more they can extrort from the sheeple, who don't catch on and just cuss at the Iranians. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a preacher hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand.The preacher looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." "I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The preacher reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. The vet told me to take that mangy mutt out to the woods, do him one last favor and put him out of his misery, cause pills don't help him no more. But, Thanks for the $200."
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Sam: "You crazy octogenarian! Sex at your age with that young woman can be very dangerous ... even deadly!" George: "Nah, don't worry. Ginny is a wrestler and quite athletic. She's pretty tough."
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?" The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel." The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The Sergeant replied, "Not exactly sir, they usually just use it to ride into town, where the girls are."
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For clean, family safe humor and tech tips,
try the newsletter of my friend and coach, Dear Webby Dear Webby's Humor Letter |
From Rick: A recent study found that 35% of men have been injured while undoing a woman's bra. That's correct! While unfastening a woman's stabilizing device, men have received strained tendons, scratches, and other similar injuries. Actually, I can vouch for that. I got injured today while trying to undo a woman's bra. When I undid the woman in front of me in the checkout line, she turned and hit me with a can of peas.
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Sausage and Potato Roast DORM STYLE Ingredients 1 pound Garlic Ring sausage 1 pound yellow fleshy potatoes (like Yukon Gold, not sandy types) 1 large onion, cut small 2 green and/or red and/or yellow peppers, cut small 1 tablespoon olive oil 1/2 tsp garlic salt 1 tsp Oregano 1 tsp Basil Parsley, chopped fine 1 TBSP butter 1 egg per person Salt and pepper Directions Cut potatoes into cubes and boil 6 minutes Drain. Heat up electric frying pan, add oil and after 3 minutes the rest of the ingredients. Cover and roast for 5 minutes. Taste and check if more salt / pepper is needed. BigBox steak spice also works. Stir and pat down. Gently crack the eggs evenly spaced along the edge. Cover and roast 8 - 10 minutes, or until the egg whites are solid. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, February 28 We had beautiful sunshine and in the afternoon it warmed up to -4. Had to go to the hospital for blood tests, and of course walked to make the most of the sunshine. It was quite a nice treat! Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Fanny and Myron get married and on their first night in bed, Myron puts his arm around Fanny and very sweetly whispers, "Fanny darling, please pull up your nightgown." Very sweetly Fanny answers, "Nooo." Myron asks again, a little sterner, "Fanny pull up your nightgown." Fanny again says, "No." Myron is now angry and says, "Fanny, pull up your nightgown or I'm going out the door and you'll never see me again." "No." says Fanny. So Myron gets up and goes out the front door, slamming it behind him. Fanny immediately gets up and locks the door. Not too long after, Myron is back. He tries the front door but finds it locked. So he taps on the door and says, "Fanny, my darling, open the door, it's me." Fanny says, "Nooo." Myron knocks a little louder, "Fanny, sweetness, please open the door." "No." says Fanny. Myron starts kicking the door and shouts, "Fanny, open this door right now or I'll break it down." Fanny says, "Really? A door you can break down, but a nightgown, that is already off, you can't handle?"
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Sausage and Potato Roll Ingredients 1 pound sweet and/or hot Italian sausage ( I like the hot), cut crosswise into thirds 1 pound small red potatoes, each cut in half 1 large onion, cut into 12 wedges 2 red and/or yellow peppers, cut lengthwise into 8 pieces 1 tablespoon olive oil Directions Preheat oven to 450° F. In 15 1/2" by 10 1/2" jelly-roll pan or casserole pan about the same size, combine sausages, potatoes, onion, peppers , olive oil, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon black pepper. Roast sausage mixture 30 to 35 minutes or until potatoes are tender and sausages lightly browned. Stir halfway through roasting. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
Is that edible?
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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, February 28 We had beautiful sunshine and in the afternoon it warmed up to -4. Had to go to the hospital for blood tests, and of course walked to make the most of the sunshine. It was quite a nice treat! Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
A man is walking around the streets of New York one day when he spies an old friend of his from college. "Boris!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been? What are you doing?" "Well," Boris replies. "I am the piccolo player for the International Orchestra." "Spectacular!" the man replies. "It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for the king of England, he loves the music. He says 'Fill the instruments with gold!' and they fill the tuba with gold, and they fill the trombone with gold, and me with the goddamn piccolo." "We play for the queen of France. She loves the music; she says 'Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the tuba with silver and they fill the trombone with silver, and me with the goddamn piccolo." "Then we play for the czar of Russia. He hates the music; he says 'Shove the instruments up their asses!' and the tuba doesn't fit and the trombone doesn't fit, AND ME WITH THE GODDAMN PICCOLO!"
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Chicken with Mushroom-Marsala Sauce Ingredients 4 medium skinned, boned chicken breast halves Salt and pepper 1 tablespoon olive oil 1 package sliced cremini mushrooms or slice 10 ounces of mushrooms 1 large shallot, finely chopped 1/2 cup chicken broth (they make it with reduced salt for those non salt eaters) 1/2 cup Marsala wine for recipe, {AND 1 cup wine to drink as you cook } 2 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley Directions Place chicken-breast halves between 2 sheets of plastic wrap. With meat mallet or rolling pin, pound breasts to an even 1/2-inch thickness; sprinkle with 1/4 teaspoon salt and 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper. In nonstick 12-inch skillet, heat oil over medium-high heat until hot. Add breasts and cook 6 to 7 minutes or until browned on both sides and chicken loses its pink color throughout, turning over once. Transfer breasts to platter; cover with foil to keep warm. To skillet, add mushrooms, shallot, and 1/4 tsp. salt. Cook 3 minutes or until mushrooms are browned, stirring frequently. Add chicken broth, Marsala wine, and any juices from chicken on platter. Cook 4 minutes to reduce sauce by half, stirring occasionally. Stir in parsley. Pour over cooked chicken breasts. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
Come on, Ralph! Let's go scare the tourists!
A bear of a hangover
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, February 27 -23 right now. That usually means a real scorcher August. They might even thaw out the Gullible Warming con, and make YOU feel guilty. Doesn't work on me, though. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Twin sisters at a nursing home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear very well. Once the photographer arrived, he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa. The near-deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other one. "Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman. Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE." So they wiggled up close to each other. "Just hold on for a bit longer; I've got to focus," said the photographer. Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!" With a big grin the near-deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD -- BOTH OF US?"
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Breakfast Egg Wraps - DORM VERSION also called Hangover Rolls Ingredients: 2 eggs / person 2 - 3 flour tortillas / person 1 small can Steakhouse mushrooms (sliced mushrooms) 1/2 baggie of shredded Mozarella 1 cup instant mashed potatoes 1 heaped TBSP butter (for the potatoes) 1/2 cup milk 1 tbsp butter (to scramble the eggs) 1 TBSP Tabasco sauce 1 tsp Mustard powder 1/2 tsp Nutmeg powder 1/2 tsp ground cloves 1 TBSP Bacon Bits Parsley chopped fine salt and pepper Directions Heat milk while stirring it When it starts to boil, dissolve the butterin it Take it off the burner and stir the potatoes into it. Scramble the eggs and all the other ingredients (except tortillas and cheese) Stir the scrambled eggs into the mashed potatoes Place a scoop of the goop onto each tortilla, Tuck the ends in and roll them up Put them into a greased casserole or electric frying pan Sprinkle the cheese over them Cover and bake until the cheese has melted. Uncover and let it cool until you can divide them without making a big mess. Wrap leftovers in aluminum foil for frezing or trading. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
Tablecloth
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Ophelia
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, February 26 Enjoy! Ophelia
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Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month) The full version also has other goodies. Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day? Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!
Two guys in a bar are talking about their wives. "My wife is mad at me again," says the first. "Why?" "I was bombed at the bar across the street last night. And she came looking for me." "What'd you do?" "I asked her for her phone number."
RECIPE SECTION, thanks to Sr Anna Breakfast Egg Wraps Ingredients: Few ounces goat cheese or any soft/crumbly white cheese of your choice. Few eggs Handful of small spinach leaves Few tortillas Directions: Per Each Breakfast Wrap: Spread 1 ounce soft goat cheese on a whole wheat tortilla. Add 1 egg, scrambled Top with baby spinach leaves. Roll or fold tortilla. Happy Appetite! Sr Anna
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Since July 1, 2011,
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ophelia@dingbatter.com |
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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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