Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 A wife asked her husband to describe her. He said, " You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J & K." She asked, "What does that mean?" He answered, " Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fantastic, Gorgeous, Hot." She said, " Oh, that's so lovely darling, but what about I, J & K?" He smiled, "I'm Just Kidding!!!" "A" NOW STANDS FOR AMBULANCE, ONE OF WHICH DELIVERED HIM TO THE HOSPITAL. ____________________________________________________ 2 A travelling salesman finds himself stranded in the tiniest town in Australia. He knocks on the door of a little hotel. "Sorry, we don't have a spare room," says the manager, "but you're welcome to share with a little red-headed schoolteacher, if that's okay." "Oh, that'll be great," says the bloke, grinning from ear to ear."And don't worry, I'll be a real gentleman." "Just as well," says the manager. "So will the little red-headed schoolteacher." _____________________________________________________ 3 Definition Of The Perfect Husband: A guy who makes his wife's panties wet... He does the laundry every week. ____________________________________________________ 4 Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. What's the definition of a computer nerd? A man who knows 4,560 ways to have sex, but doesn't know any girls. ____________________________________________________ 5 Three nuns stand at the Pealry Gates of Heaven, and Saint Peter turns to them and explains that they must answer a single question each to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Sister Lara steps forward. "Who was the first man on God's Earth?" asks Saint Peter. "Adam," the sister replies. And the lights flash, the bells toll and the gates of Heaven open. Sister Evelyn steps forward and says she is ready. "Who was the first woman on God's Earth?" asks Saint Peter. "Eve," the sister replies. And the lights flash, the bells toll and the gates of Heaven open. The Mother Superior steps forward and announces that she is ready. "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" asks the Saint. The Mother Superior is shocked. "My goodness," she says, "that's a hard one." And the lights flash, the bells toll and the gates of Heaven open. ___________________________________________________ 6 A married man thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop rather intimidated, but the girls took charge to help him. "What color?" they asked. He settled for white. "How much does it cost?" he asked. "Twenty dollars." "Very good," he thought. All that remained was the size, but he hadn't the faintest idea. "Now sir, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?" "No," he said, "nothing like that." "Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's bust resembles." He thought long and hard and then looked up and said, "Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears?" ___________________________________________________ 7 Mother to teenage daughter: "You're going to have to learn to lick your smoking problem... and you're going to have to learn to lick your drinking problem... and as for sex, well, h...uh...uh...you're going to have to learn to fight that too ! ___________________________________________________ 8 You know the romance is over when you come to bed, ready to make love to your wife, and she is on the phone, and she tells whoever she is talking to that she will call them back in five minutes. ====================================================
Ophelia Dingbatter
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