Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, January 25

>From Hank
Hi Ophelia!
There used to be a news station, that had naked ladies
reading the news. Where are they now?
Hank

Dear Hank
Try NakedNews.com
Enjoy!
Ophelia

(¯`v´¯)
Ophelia


Please vote for me at the  

EzineFinder

Thanks for voting for me!

Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter.
Those, who click me some grocery money, 
REALLY matter.

__________________________________________
1 
A Texan and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room,
telling him they just got married that morning.

"Congratulations!" says the clerk. Looking at the woman,
he asks, "Would you like the bridal then?"

"Naw, thanks," says the cowgirl. "I reckon I'll just hold
him by the ears 'til he gets the hang of it.

 
2
There were 2 fishermen out in a boat on a lake. One looks
to the other and says, "I saw you with your new wife last
night and she sure is gorgeous, I'll bet you love getting
that pussy."

The other fisherman replies, "No, I can't fuck her, she
has gonorrhea."

"Damn man! Well, I bet she gives one hell of a blow job."

"No, she can't suck my dick because she has pyorrhea."

"Damn, well there's always anal sex."

"No, I can't fuck her in the ass because she has
diarrhea."

"Well, what in the hell did you marry the girl for is she
has all these problems?"

"Because she also has worms and I love to fish!"

 
3 
A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's
teeth.  He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he
began to tell her a story as he was putting on his
surgical gloves.

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

She said, "No?"

"Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big
building set up with a large tank of latex, and the
workers are all picked according to hand size.  Each
individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and
then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and
dries right onto their hands!  Then they peel off the
gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate'
and start the process all over again."

And she didn't laugh a bit!!!  Five minutes later, during
the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because
she burst out laughing. 

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly
thought about how they must make condoms.

 
4 
An escaped convict (doing 15 to life) broke into a house
and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the
bedroom.

 As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his
voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy
nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't had sex
in years. Just cooperate with him and do anything he
wants.  If he wants sex with you, just go along with it
and pretend you like it.  Our lives depend on it!"

 "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so
relieved you feel  that way, because he just told me he's
gay and he thinks you're really  cute and he wanted to
know where the Vaseline is!"

 
5 
A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a
substitute for women."

"Yeah what happened?" asked the other.

The first guy replies, "Well, I got my dick stuck in the
neck of the bottle."

 
7 
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the
sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled
out,"Miss Jones, I need to take piss!!" 

The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper
word to use in this situation. The correct word you want
to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a
sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." 

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, 
"You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a
ten!!!"

 
>From Hank
Hi Ophelia!
There used to be a news station, that had naked ladies
reading the news. Where are they now?
Hank

Dear Hank
Try NakedNews.com
Enjoy!
Ophelia
__________________________________________________________

1 
A Texan and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room,
telling him they just got married that morning.

"Congratulations!" says the clerk. Looking at the woman,
he asks, "Would you like the bridal then?"

"Naw, thanks," says the cowgirl. "I reckon I'll just hold
him by the ears 'til he gets the hang of it.

 
2
There were 2 fishermen out in a boat on a lake. One looks
to the other and says, "I saw you with your new wife last
night and she sure is gorgeous, I'll bet you love getting
that pussy."

The other fisherman replies, "No, I can't fuck her, she
has gonorrhea."

"Damn man! Well, I bet she gives one hell of a blow job."

"No, she can't suck my dick because she has pyorrhea."

"Damn, well there's always anal sex."

"No, I can't fuck her in the ass because she has
diarrhea."

"Well, what in the hell did you marry the girl for is she
has all these problems?"

"Because she also has worms and I love to fish!"

 
3 
A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's
teeth.  He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he
began to tell her a story as he was putting on his
surgical gloves.

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

She said, "No?"

"Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big
building set up with a large tank of latex, and the
workers are all picked according to hand size.  Each
individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and
then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and
dries right onto their hands!  Then they peel off the
gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate'
and start the process all over again."

And she didn't laugh a bit!!!  Five minutes later, during
the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because
she burst out laughing. 

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly
thought about how they must make condoms.

 
4 
An escaped convict (doing 15 to life) broke into a house
and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the
bedroom.

 As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his
voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy
nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't had sex
in years. Just cooperate with him and do anything he
wants.  If he wants sex with you, just go along with it
and pretend you like it.  Our lives depend on it!"

 "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so
relieved you feel  that way, because he just told me he's
gay and he thinks you're really  cute and he wanted to
know where the Vaseline is!"

 
5 
A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a
substitute for women."

"Yeah what happened?" asked the other.

The first guy replies, "Well, I got my dick stuck in the
neck of the bottle."

 
7 
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the
sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled
out,"Miss Jones, I need to take piss!!" 

The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper
word to use in this situation. The correct word you want
to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a
sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." 

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, 
"You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a
ten!!!"

 
8
The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a
backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine
invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and
occasional shotgun blasts at some of them.

"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one
good thing comes out of this drinking?"

"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. 
"It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."

====================================================


(¯`v´¯)
Ophelia


Please vote for me at the  
EzineFinder

Thanks for voting for me!

Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter.
Those, who click me some grocery money, 
REALLY matter.





If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar, 

or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online! 













Enjoy!

(¯`v´¯)
Ophelia
===================

ophelia@dingbatter.com	Please help me stay online!
Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News Don't worry, they will get a confirmation request. Unless they confirm, their subscription will not be completed..
Guaranteed Privacy! Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

If you like my work, Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online!

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2014

     305165