Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, January 25

>From Hank
Hi Ophelia!
There used to be a news station, that had naked ladies
reading the news. Where are they now?
Hank

Dear Hank
Try NakedNews.com
Enjoy!
Ophelia

(`v)
Ophelia

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Ophelia Dingbatter Thanks for voting for me!
Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter.
__________________________________________ 1 A Texan and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning. "Congratulations!" says the clerk. Looking at the woman, he asks, "Would you like the bridal then?" "Naw, thanks," says the cowgirl. "I reckon I'll just hold him by the ears 'til he gets the hang of it.
2 There were 2 fishermen out in a boat on a lake. One looks to the other and says, "I saw you with your new wife last night and she sure is gorgeous, I'll bet you love getting that pussy." The other fisherman replies, "No, I can't fuck her, she has gonorrhea." "Damn man! Well, I bet she gives one hell of a blow job." "No, she can't suck my dick because she has pyorrhea." "Damn, well there's always anal sex." "No, I can't fuck her in the ass because she has diarrhea." "Well, what in the hell did you marry the girl for is she has all these problems?" "Because she also has worms and I love to fish!"
3 A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves. "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?" "Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again." And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing. The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms.
4 An escaped convict (doing 15 to life) broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't had sex in years. Just cooperate with him and do anything he wants. If he wants sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!" "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he's gay and he thinks you're really cute and he wanted to know where the Vaseline is!"
5 A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women." "Yeah what happened?" asked the other. The first guy replies, "Well, I got my dick stuck in the neck of the bottle."
7 Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out,"Miss Jones, I need to take piss!!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
>From Hank Hi Ophelia! There used to be a news station, that had naked ladies reading the news. Where are they now? Hank Dear Hank Try NakedNews.com Enjoy! Ophelia __________________________________________________________ 1 A Texan and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning. "Congratulations!" says the clerk. Looking at the woman, he asks, "Would you like the bridal then?" "Naw, thanks," says the cowgirl. "I reckon I'll just hold him by the ears 'til he gets the hang of it.
2 There were 2 fishermen out in a boat on a lake. One looks to the other and says, "I saw you with your new wife last night and she sure is gorgeous, I'll bet you love getting that pussy." The other fisherman replies, "No, I can't fuck her, she has gonorrhea." "Damn man! Well, I bet she gives one hell of a blow job." "No, she can't suck my dick because she has pyorrhea." "Damn, well there's always anal sex." "No, I can't fuck her in the ass because she has diarrhea." "Well, what in the hell did you marry the girl for is she has all these problems?" "Because she also has worms and I love to fish!"
3 A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves. "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?" "Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again." And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing. The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms.
4 An escaped convict (doing 15 to life) broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't had sex in years. Just cooperate with him and do anything he wants. If he wants sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!" "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he's gay and he thinks you're really cute and he wanted to know where the Vaseline is!"
5 A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women." "Yeah what happened?" asked the other. The first guy replies, "Well, I got my dick stuck in the neck of the bottle."
7 Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out,"Miss Jones, I need to take piss!!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
8 The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." ==================================================== (`v) Ophelia
Please vote for me at the EzineFinder
Ophelia Dingbatter Thanks for voting for me!
Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter.
Ophelia Dingbatter
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Enjoy! (`v) Ophelia ===================

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