Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, October 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support
for the troops!
Today DearWebby is going to Calgary, and his former secretary's
hubby will be driving him back. After the eye injections he can't drive for a few days.
He won't be sending out any newsletters on Saturday, Sunday or Monday.
Enjoy your vacation!
(¯`v´¯)
Ophelia
Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't
matter.
Those, who click me some grocery
money,
REALLY matter.
________________________________________________________
Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't
matter.
Those, who click me some grocery
money,
REALLY matter.
________________________________________________________
1
The difference between sex, super sex and love.
Girl asks her mother: What is sex?
Mother: Sex is when you stop a car driven by a man who offers you a
meal in a restaurant, and then you spend some time with him in the
hotel room, sleep with him once, and then each one go on his way
and you have a Fifty dollar bill extra in your pocket.
Then the girl asks her mother: What is Super Sex?
Mother: Super sex is when you stop a limousine driven by Chauffeur
and a stylish man is sitting in the back who takes you to a
luxurious villa, gives you a sumptuous meal with distinctive
Caviar...and then you spend the night together in bed and engage in
sex more than once, and then you part with an envelope containing a
thousand dollars in your pocket.
And then the girl asks her mother: What is love?
Mother: Love is a lie invented by men so that they can have sex
with you for free.
_______________________________________________________
2
A flat-chested woman was delighted when her fairy-god mother said
her breasts would increase in size each time a man says, "Pardon"
to
her.
She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he
said, "Pardon me." Her breasts instantly grew an inch and she was
ecstatic.
The next day, she bumped into a man in the grocery store,he begged
her pardon and another inch was added to her breasts. She was in
seventh heaven!
She walked into a Chinese restaurant,collided with a waiter who
bowed and said, A thousand pardons for my clumsy behavior." The
next
day, the headline in the local newspaper says, "Chinese Waiter
Crushed to Death!"
______________________________________________________
3
Vickie had dreamt what was in store -
When she enticedhim to her boudoir
Pleasured herself with zeal
If this dream had been real
She'd be screaming all night for more
____________________________________________________
4
The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage,
and passed them on to her daughter.
"Never let your husband see you in the nude," she advised. "You
should always wear something."
"Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl.
Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband
were
preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been
any insanity in your family?"
"Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?"
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've
worn that silly hat to bed."
____________________________________________________
5
I hear that in the Middle East all a man has to do to
divorce his wife is to say, "I divorce you" three times.
Heck, in the U.S. it's easier. All a man has to say just once:
"Yes, that dress does make your butt look big."
_____________________________________________________
6
An older woman walks into a doctors office and says, "Hey Doc, I've
got a problem."
The doctor answers, "Really? What seems to be the trouble?"
The woman says,"Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The doctor asks,"Well, what have you been taking for it?"
The woman says,
"Pepper."
_____________________________________________________
7
The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of
the department staff broken down by age and sex.
The personnel office sent this reply: "Attached is a list of our
staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex.
However, we do have a few alcoholics."
_____________________________________________________
8
There was a young student called Jones,
Who'd reduce any maiden to moans,
By his wonderful knowledge,
Acquired in college,
Of nineteen erogenous zones.
____________________________________________
Enjoy!
(¯`v´¯)
Ophelia
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Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com
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