Ophelia Dingbatter's News

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, October 18
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support 
for the troops! 


(¯`v´¯)
Ophelia


Renew / Upgrade


Please vote for me at the  EzineFinder


Thanks for voting for me!



Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter.
Those, who click me some grocery money, 
REALLY matter.
____________________________________________________
1
A wife asked her husband to describe her.

He said, " You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J & K."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

He answered, " Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful,
Elegant,
Fantastic, Gorgeous, Hot."

She said, " Oh, that's so lovely darling, but what about
I, J &
K?"

He smiled, "I'm Just Kidding!!!"

"A" NOW STANDS FOR AMBULANCE, ONE OF WHICH DELIVERED HIM 
TO THE HOSPITAL.

____________________________________________________
2
A travelling salesman finds himself stranded in the
tiniest town in Australia. He knocks on the door of a
little hotel.
"Sorry, we don't have a spare room," says the manager,
"but you're welcome to share with a little red-headed
schoolteacher, if that's okay."

"Oh, that'll be great," says the bloke, grinning from
ear to ear."And don't worry, I'll be a real
gentleman."

"Just as well," says the manager. "So will the little
red-headed schoolteacher."
_____________________________________________________
3
Definition Of The Perfect Husband:
A guy who makes his wife's panties wet...
He does the laundry every week.
____________________________________________________
4
Man is incomplete until he is married. 
Then he is finished.

What's the definition of a computer nerd?
A man who knows 4,560 ways to have sex, 
but doesn't know any girls.

____________________________________________________
5
Three nuns stand at the Pealry Gates of Heaven, and Saint
Peter
turns to them and explains that they must answer a single
question
each to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Sister Lara steps
forward.
"Who was the first man on God's Earth?" asks Saint Peter.

"Adam," the sister replies. And the lights flash, 
the bells toll and the gates of Heaven open.

Sister Evelyn steps forward and says she is ready.
"Who was the first woman on God's Earth?" asks Saint
Peter.

"Eve," the sister replies. And the lights flash, the bells
toll and
the gates of Heaven open.

The Mother Superior steps forward and announces that 
she is ready.
"What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" asks the
Saint. 
The Mother Superior is shocked.

"My goodness," she says, "that's a hard one." 
And the lights flash,
the bells toll and the gates of Heaven open.

___________________________________________________
6
A married man thought he would give his wife a birthday
surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop
rather intimidated, but the girls took charge to help him.

"What color?" they asked. He settled for white.

"How much does it cost?" he asked.

"Twenty dollars."

"Very good," he thought. All that remained was the size,
but he hadn't the faintest idea.

"Now sir, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts?
Grape fruits? Oranges?"

"No," he said, "nothing like that."

"Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's
bust resembles."

He thought long and hard and then looked up and said,
"Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears?"
___________________________________________________
7
Mother to teenage daughter: "You're going to have to
learn to lick your smoking problem... and you're
going to have to learn to lick your drinking
problem... and as for sex, well, h...uh...uh...you're
going to have to learn to fight that too !
___________________________________________________
8
You know the romance is over when you come to bed,
ready to make love to your wife, and she is on the
phone, and she tells whoever she is talking to that
she will call them back in five minutes.

====================================================



If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar, 

or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online! 






                                        




Enjoy!

(¯`v´¯)
Ophelia
===================


=====================================================






If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar, 

or two, if you can afford it!

Please, help me stay online!
======================================================

Click to subscribe to the full version!

Enjoy!
Ophelia

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
$1 per month or $10 per year.

Can you afford $1 per month?

To subscribe,
1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber,

2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me,

3) That will get you the free subscption.
If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4.
If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.
Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you
   successfully receive the free subscription!

If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you,
then the paid version will not make it through either.

   Do NOT complain to me,
   if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.
   There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what
   goes on at your ISP or in your computer.

4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter,
THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at

You can pay easily and securely with PayPal,
even if you don't have a PayPal account.
Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.

If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me.
Please send it to

Webby, inc
Box 646
Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0
Canada

Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia.
I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about
receiving your check.

Enjoy!
Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version |

| Subscribe |

286448