NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, September 22 Thank you, Norm! My Hero! (¯`v´¯) Ophelia Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ________________________________________________________ Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ________________________________________________________ 1 A psychiatrist was administering a Rorschach inkblot test to his patient. The doctor showed the first blot and asked what it resembled. "That's two poodles having sex," replied the patient. To the second inkblot, the patient said, "That's a naked gal leaning out a window, telling all the men who go by to come in and have sex with her." The doctor showed him the third inkblot. "That's a pair of crotchless underpants," the patient said. Unable to withstand this any longer, the doctor blurted out, "You have a filthy, disgusting mind!" "Look who's talking!" the patient cried. "You're the one with all the dirty pictures." _______________________________________________________ 2 Three 7 year old girls were walking down the street wearing their mothers' clothing; large hats, high heels, and long dresses. They passed a bar and one of the girls said, "let's go in for a drink." They went in and crawled up onto the bar stools. The bartender laughed and thought he would have some fun. He spoke to the first little girl and said, "What will you have young lady?" The girl replied, "I'll have a Martini." The bartender could not give them any liquor so he filled up a martini glass with 7-UP, placed an olive in it and put it in front of her. He said to the second girl, "What will you have today?" She replied, "A Manhattan." The bartender then filled a Manhattan glass with Ginger- Ale, put a cherry in it, and set it in front of her. Next he asked the third little girl, "What will you have today?" After a long pause she replied, "I'll have a doosch. Mother says they're so refreshing." ______________________________________________________ 3 Little Suzie was supposed to bring fifty cents to school for a workbook, so she went to ask her father for it. She found him in the bathroom, stark naked, and in the excitement she forgot all about the fifty cents and asked, "Daddy, What's that?" Her dad said, "That's what I call 'a shame'." Next day at school, when the teacher asked for the fifty cents, Little Suzie said, "Daddy couldn't give me fifty cents because he wasn't wearing his pants." The teacher replied, "Doesn't your father have any shame at all?" Little Suzie said, "Oh, yes, ma'am, he has one, but it's not as big as the one the principal gave you last Thursday." ____________________________________________________ 4 "So," jealous Judy asked the detective she had hired, "did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, then to a restaurant and then to a house." A big smile crossed Judy's face,"Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, gloating." Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear that he was following you and taking pictures of you and this other man having sex. By the way, nude pictures of you are all over the Internet." ________________________________________________________ 5 "Just try to relax, this won't take long," said the gynecologist trying to calm the obviously nervous young blonde patient. "Haven't you ever been examined like this before?" he asked, putting his hand up her twat. "Yeah, sure," she replied, "but not by a doctor!" _____________________________________________________ 6 A woman had a pet skunk which was a devoted pet to her for years. One day the skunk died. The woman didn't know what to do at first, as she lived in an apartment and she had no place in the yard to bury her pet. So she decided to give the pet a proper burial out in the country. She didn't have a car, so she planned on taking a bus to the edge of town, then walking from there to some good site. She got on the bus and sat down behind the driver. About this time, the skunk wasn't keeping too well, so the woman held the skunk at arm's length. The driver noticed the smell right away, but he kept on driving for several blocks. He next opened the window, but that didn't help. Finally, he pulled the bus to the curb, and turned around, and said: "Will the woman with rhe stinking pussy please get off the bus?" 14 women got off. __________________________________________________ 7 A Scottish couple was walking across the meadows. The girl looked at the guy and shyly asked, "Would you like to hold my hand?" "Uh...well yes." the boy said, "But how did you know?" She said, "By the gleam in your eye." They walked a little further and the girl said, "Would you like to kiss me?" "Oh, my yes!" replied the boy, "But how did you know?" She said, "By the gleam in your eye." As they got to the stream, they sat on a stump, the girl looked at the boy and asked, "Would you like to go all the way with me?" "Well, oh, my gosh, yes! (gulp) Yes! But how did you know? By the gleam in my eye?" "No," replied the girl, "by the TILT IN YOUR KILT." ______________________________________________________ 8 "A sermon", thought Father O'Flynn, "I should write 'bout The Evils Of Sin... But my mind is a blank, So I'll sit here and wank, 'Til some new inspirations begin." His housekeeper, taken aback, Cried, "Oh Father! It's sinful to wack!" So she whipped off her scanties, (Her bra and her panties) And guided him into her crack. "Lord Jesus!" cried Father O'Flynn, "Inspiration at last to begin!" As his housekeeper dribbled He grabbed paper and scribbled His sermon: 'The Pleasures Of Sin'. ____________________________________________
Enjoy! (¯`v´¯) Ophelia ===================
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