Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  November 16

Thank You, Francis!!

Gullible Warming is over!
Gullible Cooling is here now. 
And it is all because of the vegetarians!

(¯`v´¯)
Ophelia


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Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter.
Those, who click me some grocery money, 
REALLY matter.
____________________________________________________
1
Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow workers,
one
health conscious young woman from our office was
especially
motivated to get to the gym after work. Our boss, who
had
also enjoyed a large meal, suggested that she run an
extra
lap for him. As she was leaving the office, she called
to
the boss, "Get ready to start huffing and puffing,
'cause
I'll be on your lap in half an hour!"

____________________________________________________
2
>From Ida
Every morning, I do a mad dash to drop off my son Tyler
at day care so I can get to work on time. My impatience
hit home one morning when he piped up from the back of
the car, "Our car is really fast and everyone else's is
slow because they're all idiots, right, Mom?"
___________________________________________________
3
When it comes to wine I'm very particular about what I
buy. There are two things I look for before making my
selection.

First, the word "Wine" must appear somewhere on the
label. This is something I insist on.

Second, I look for a sign nearby that says "On Sale."

Follow these two rules and you won't go far wrong.
____________________________________________________
4
>From Patricia
Before my daughter went on her first date, I gave her
"the talk."
"Sometimes, it's easy to get carried away when you're
with a boy," I said. "Remember, a short moment of
indiscretion could ruin your life."

"Don't worry," she said. "I don't plan on ruining my
life until I get married."
____________________________________________________
5
A customer called our service line demanding help with
her TV, which wouldn't come on.
"I'm sorry, but we can't send a technician out today due
to the blizzard," I told her.

Unsatisfied, she barked, "I need my TV fixed today! What
else am I supposed to do while the power is out?!"

___________________________________________________
6
The Top 10 Pickup Lines Used By Chefs.....

10. "Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock."

9. "I know we've just met, but will you marinade me?"

8. "Cumin here often?"

7. "How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled or
fertilized?"

6. "Care to come back to my place and kick it up a
notch?"

5. "Hey, weren't you in my 'Introduction to Melons'
class?"

4. "We've now simmered for the recommended 25
minutes.....time to come to a full boil!"

3. "You're twice as sweet as a creme brulee.....and less
drippy."

2. "Get the buttah."

And the Number 1 Pickup Line used by Chefs...

1. "Uh, yeah.....I invented Spaghetti-O's"

___________________________________________________
7
There was a young engineer named Miss Holt,
Who had an assistant as spry as a Colt.
When she asked for a screw,
What did the young man do,
But offer her two nuts and a bolt.
___________________________________________________
8
There was a young fellow named Charteris
Put his hand where his young lady's garter is.
She said, "I don't mind,
And up higher you'll find
The place where my fucker and farter is."

====================================================



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Enjoy!

(¯`v´¯)
Ophelia
===================

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See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

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