Ophelia Dingbatter's News

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 16


DearWebby will get injections into his eyeballs tomorrow, 
Thursday. That means there won't be any newsletters on 
Friday, Saturday or Sunday. Monday I will be back.

Enjoy!
Ophelia


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Those who matter don't judge me. 
Those who judge me don't matter.

Those, who click me some grocery money, 
REALLY matter.

____________________________________________________
1
A Chinese couple while working in a Chinese restaurant,
fall in love and get married - and she's a virgin.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed
sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her
and tries to be reassuring: "My darring, I know dis you firs
time and you bery frighten. I promise you, I give you anyting
you wann, I do anyting you wann.... What you wann?"

"I wann have numma 69" she replies.

He looks at her very puzzled and says,
"You wann . . . . . . Beef with Bloccoli?"

____________________________________________________
2
Nina and Rosey were talking about their sex lives and Nina
said that her new boyfriend always wants to perform
cunnilingus, all the time.

"Wow," said Rosey, "You are really lucky, but if you want to
prevent him from doing that, just rub a little garlic down
there."

Nina said, "I tried that already, and the next night he came
to bed with some bread, olive oil, and a head of lettuce."

____________________________________________________
3
Carol on one very lovely day last May,
Took a walk in the park by the bay.
She met a young man,
Who used her and ran.
Now she visits the park everyday.

____________________________________________________
4
There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time
waiting for the offspring to arrive at his in-laws place. He
was absolutely positive that his wife was going to present
him with a boy.

As his leave balance had gone into the red, he told his 
father-in-law, "When my son comes, do not call up office and
say that I have become a father of a boy. Then I'll have to
shell out a lot for parties, etc. Just tell me that the clock
has arrived. This will be our code for the arrival of my
son."

The offspring finally arrives one day, but it's a daughter.
The father-in-law now thinks, "If I tell him that the clock
has not arrived, he'll misunderstand that some thing has
happened to the baby and come rushing over." 

So he sends the message, "The clock has arrived in good
order, but there was no pendulum included."

____________________________________________________
5
A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital.

"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die," the
soldier said.

The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism
and said, "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom.
You may kiss it if you don't mind."

"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last
wish," the soldier said.

The nurse took off her panties and the dying soldier kissed
the flag.

"Thank you, nurse," he said "Now would you be so kind as to
turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"

____________________________________________________
6
Calling on an attractive coed, the theology professor asked,
"Who was the first man?"

"If it's all the same to you, sir," replied the embarrassed 
coed, "I'd rather not tell."

____________________________________________________
7
Mary taught sex education, and as a sixth grade teacher was
told to answer all their sex related questions. One boy
asked, "Is there any part of the woman's body known as the
Volvo?" 

She thought that was a good question, but rather than show
the boys, she replied: "Only on Swedish women."


=====================================================

















Blue_Footed_Booby, doesn't he remind you of a certain politician?


Enjoy!

(¯`v´¯)
Ophelia







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Ophelia





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